Kydee is a writer and travel blogger who decided one day she wanted to see the world, take photos of her experiences, and write about it. She hasn't looked back since. The self-proclaimed boho-gypsy has been to more than 15-countries, 4-continents, and counting. Travel feeds her soul and she wants her stories to be a source of inspiration for those who want to break out of their comfort zone and travel too.
Follow my journey:
Instagram/Twitter: @travelbyky @lifestylebyky and @bykybooks
I am loving “This Could be Us” by Kennedy Ryan. The book is filled with my favorite things, self-love, romance, social media influencing, and indicting corporate embezzlement. It’s giving “Waiting to Exhale in 2024” and I want to be friends with the main character. “Wild Flower” by Aurora James is heart breaking, invigorating, insightful, and empowering but there were moments in the book that fell flat for me.
Check out my April Book Review:
What I am watching
I rediscovered Daria from the 90s and I am enjoying this show. There’s so much tea in re-watching the series that I don’t recall from childhood. Daria is trifling for dating Jane’s man, yeah I said it and I can’t believe the writers allowed that to happen.
Top of Mind
O.J. Simpson died and because I was only in kindergarten when Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman were killed, I used this moment to watch the documentary, O.J. Made in America and it was eye opening. My heart goes out to all the victims. Watch this documentary!!!
I started my physical therapy journey in March and I am consistently going twice a week. It is an investment in my health, wellbeing, and mobility and I am happy to do this. I have a really supportive Physical Therapy team that gives me autonomy but also supports me with my exercises and constantly encourages me. Can’t wait to see how far this journey will take me.
I haven’t been to church since Easter. After Easter service which I was in overflow, I had to walk down a bunch of stairs and I struggled. I was embarrassed because I was holding up everyone else who wanted to get down the stairs as well. This was alarming to me and I knew I needed a second opinion from another neurologist so I made plans to do just that. Going back to church after the stair situation this month meant I was intentional about being on time so I wouldn’t have to go to overflow again. If I am early, I would just be able to sit down stairs with everyone else. So I was on time. Being on time allowed me to get a perfect seat, enjoy all of worship and be comfortable throughout service. Unbeknownst to me the photographer caught me in the spirit worshipping which was so beautiful. I love worship, I feel so connected to God and can pour out my praise and adoration through the beautiful songs and lyrics.
Shadesha came over to drop off my birthday presents and it was the most thoughtful gift. She brought me gold jewelry which I love, a jewelry box, 10 books (I read 9 of them so she returned those) and flowers with a book case vase. Wow she just gets me. This made my day.
Black Maternal Health
April is Black Maternal Health awareness and I went to several events on this topic. Raising awareness about black maternal health is important because we are in a crisis. Black women /birthing people are disproportionately dying during child birth than any other race. Due to systemic racism, including how doctor’s are trained, there are many myths out there that lead to black birthing people to be ignored or mistreated within the medical system. For example, a myth that stems from slavery is that black people, especially black women can endure more pain than other races. This myth is prevalent enough that when a birthing person asks for epidural, or suggests they are in pain and need something to subside it, they are ignored and their pain is minimized. This behavior has led to the deaths of many black birthing individuals. At these events I learned the importance of advocacy and some helpful tips as well including:
Family planning does not have to begin when you get pregnant, research should begin before pregnancy.
Before getting pregnant or planning to get pregnant, ensure you are working towards a healthy and balanced lifestyle.
Educate yourself on the role of a doula vs. a mid-wife and ensure one or both of them are a part of your birthing plan.
Some of us are conditioned to not question authority, we believe the doctor is always right but that is not always the case, get a second or third opinion.
Advocate for yourself. Pain is not normal.
Keep a record of your health, your symptoms, the timing that symptoms appear, and other concerns to share with doctor. Also keep record of any questions you may have for your doctors.
It’s never too late to ask for epidural. Don’t let them tell you the time has passed.
Bring someone with you to doctor visits.
If you don’t understand something the doctor said, make them say it again even if it means using laymen terms.
To close out the month, I got my hair braided in long knotless braids. I didn’t want them that long but she gave it to me anyway without an additional charge, they came out really nice. The girl that does my braids is darn good. Following my hair appointment I went to this restaurant called Osteria Brooklyn. I’ve always wanted to go there. The restaurant is a charming and quaint Italian restaurant and I was inspired to go on a solo book date because the current book I am reading “This Could Be Us” by Kennedy Ryan has a main character that is dating herself before finding love again. I was inspired by this character and it was liberating to see this in a romance book, so I decided to do the same. Yes, I have a partner, but I am still an individual.
April 1st was the official marketing launch for The Pop-Up Care Shop. If you didn’t know, I am officially a co-founder of a non-profit organization called The Pop-Up Care Shop. We’ve existed as a charity since 2016 but made it official in 2023. After not having a shop since 2019 due to the pandemic we are gearing up for our first shop at Covenant House New York. When we set up shop, we create a boutique of donated clothes, shoes, accessories, and toiletries and allow the clients to shop until they drop, at no cost to them. We fundraise throughout the year and are always looking for volunteers. Visit thepopupcareshop.org to learn more.
Not going to lie, the first week of April was hella stressful for me. I had a really rough work week and my health was impacted. My blood pressure skyrocketed and I realized my lifestyle is not healthy. I am going to find all the ways in which I am cognizant not to get stressed at work because my health being compromised is not worth it. I started this year saying my health is my priority and I mean that. On another note, during the most stressful day of this particular week, I talked to my Career Coach who helped me put into perspective my options and really think about what support in this moment could look like for me.
At the end of my hell week was a light at the end of the tunnel, which was Chanel’s birthday dinner. Chanel is a new friend of mine that I met while doing community service. She was celebrating her 30th birthday hosted by her hubby and you can tell just by the vibes she cultivated at her dinner and the people she invited that she is an amazing human being. I also enjoyed seeing our friends that we share mutually. Overall, after a long week, being surrounded by community was just what I needed.
I joined an Emerging Leaders board for JASA a few months ago and attended a board meeting cocktail reception where I got to meet my other fellow emerging leaders board members. Initially I was nervous as I didn’t know what to expect but those nerves subsided immediately after meeting the group because they were all really cool. JASA is an organization that means a lot to me because it provides housing and food to senior citizens in New York. I am overjoyed to drive impact over the next two years through this board and can’t wait to see what we can accomplish together.
I attended the T. Howard Foundation dinner for work which is an amazing dinner celebrating the scholars coming out of the T.Howard program and internships and the amazing media organizations that support them. T. Howard Foundation is a mission-driven organization dedicated to increasing diversity in the media industry. It was awesome to catch up with my colleagues as well.
My grandmother stayed with me for a week to help me with Ginger since I had some late nights at work. It’s always such a treat when Ma stays with me for a few days, we go grocery shopping, we cook, we laugh and watch game shows. On this occasion, I took out some of my cook books and we looked through them to see if there were any interesting recipes that we could try. We found a bacon, tomato, and green beans recipe from the Jubilee: Recipes from Two Centuries of African American Cooking cook book. We also made lasagna and scallop potatoes. It was so good and I didn’t want Ma to leave but she said she would come back soon.
This month I finished two books: Right Within by Minda Harts and A Love song for Ricki Wilde by Tia Williams. A Love Song for Ricki Wilde was such a fun read, filled with adventure, suspense, love, and history. Right Within was a bit more heavy, dealing with the racial trauma black women and women of color deal with in corporate workplaces.
You can watch my March Book Check-in here.
Watching
While at Disney my family and I went to see the Bob Marley movie entitled “One Love”. I absolutely enjoyed it. I have no critiques. There were things I knew about Bob already, but a lot I did not know, and overall as a Jamaican, I was pleased with it. Bob is a legend but he died so young and that was sobering to process, 36 years old (a year older than me) and dead from cancer, wow.
The Black Beauty Effect is an ode to black womanhood and I believe everyone should watch this brilliant documentary.
Top of Mind
I am a mentor for Girls Write and received the opportunity to serve as a judge for a Sweet July Contest which granted one young person who is a part of Girls Write Now a chance to interview with Ayesha Curry.
Jessica Pettway
At just 36 years old influencer Jessica Pettway died from Cervical cancer. She leaves behind 2 young children and a husband. Why this is tragic is because she was misdiagnosed for years and told she had fibroids when she really had cervical cancer. When this was finally discovered, she was at stage 3 cancer. Jessica decided to opt out of treatment but her story is a warning to women, especially black woman to constantly advocate for yourself when you know something is wrong, until they listen to you. What does advocating look like?
Kydee’sMedical Advocating Tips
1.) Come prepared to doctor appointments with intention, questions, your own health history, health journal’s, and/or tracking of symptoms.
2.) Get second and third opinions from other doctors if necessary.
3.) Don’t be afraid to leave a doctor when you don’t feel like you are getting the care you deserve.
4.) Ask questions and follow up.
5) Bring someone with you who can also advocate for you.
6) Leave reviews so others know your experience for better or for worst.
The following Monday, March 11th (the day before my birthday), I went to the most amazing event that a black book nerd and hopeless romantic could ever ask for. I attended Kennedy Ryan and Tia Williams book launch event for “A Love Song for Ricki Wilde” and “This Could Be Us” at Strand bookstore in NYC. I have never been inside of Strand, so to be able to go to that legendary bookstore and see two of my favorite authors was a dream come true. To be honest I LOVE Tia Williams work. “Seven Days in June” was one of the best books I’ve ever read. When it comes to Kennedy Ryan, I think she radiates a beautiful and positive energy but at that point I had never read her work and had only just started “Before I Let Go.” The event was so inspiring and shared an inside peak into the authors mind and writing process. I met some fellow book influencers and even publishers. It sparked something in me that night, something started to rumble inside of my spirit. After I got my book signed and was able to tell both of them how much they meant to me, I headed home. I was a few hours away from catching a flight to Florida.
Disney World with my mom and cousin Jordan was where I spent my actual birthday. This was both of their first times truly experiencing Disney so I was excited to see the parks through their eyes. We stayed at my uncle’s time share and ate out every single day From Olive Garden to Outback Steakhouse, my favorite part of that trip was probably all the places we ate. My family are not Disney people so while I know they enjoyed it, there were some things they didn’t get (and that’s okay), all in all we had a great time and it was nice to get away and have a moment to not focus on work but just focus on family.
The day after I returned from Disney I had a busy weekend. I went to my cousins Brenda’s bridal shower at 95 South which is a local black-owned restaurant that a friend of hers own. The food was on point, there was Mac and cheese, sautéed blackened shrimp, yellow rice, fish, chicken and more. We played games and it was really exciting to see her surrounded by so much sisterhood leading up to her big day. The next day I went to my friend Saiyda’s son Kobe christening brunch. I’ve known Sai since we were 11 years old so it was beautiful to see her growing family and just to be surrounded by her family again, the kids I remember that were born when we were teenagers are now grown up and she has also created two beautiful boys. The whole event meant a lot to me.
After my back to back travels and events, my body put me on hold. I caught the Norovirus from someone, somewhere. While the rough part of the virus only lasted for two days, the impact lasted for about a week.
Speaking of health, during the month of March I started Physical Therapy to help with my balance and mobility issues. So far I am enjoying the experience and while it’s expensive to go twice a week, I am investing in myself and my health. The moral of the story is, I didn’t exercise at all during the pandemic and my body is reaping all of the disadvantages of that. Don’t use it, you’ll lose it. So I am hopeful that I will gain the passion and ambition to exercise again and prioritize my fitness and wellness.
I also did a consultation around egg freezing. I just turned 35 and would like to look into my options for it, but egg freezing is expensive chile. Realistically, I don’t think it’s something I can prioritize financially this year but definitely next year. My insurance would cover most of the cost except taxes but I would need to pay upfront and it would be reimbursed. To be continued…
To close out the month of March, my friend invited me to a candle making workshop and empowerment event. I’ve never done candle making so that was a real treat.
I kicked off the month of March in Connecticut and had a distraction of party planning. My party was on March 9th and while I was about 80% complete with planning I still had some loose ends to solve for including whether or not I would have a violinist and which photographer I was going to confirm. Sam drove Ginger and I back home but not before a stop to the Nike Clearance Store in Flushing Queens where he bought a bunch of sneakers and I left with this really cozy Nike Hoodie. Here’s a photo of Ginger surrounded by all of the sneaker chaos.
My birthday party was 3 days before my actual birthday. To prep I decided to go to Cityrenerose New York Luxury Salon for the first time for a hair cut/bob. My experience there was nothing short of fabulous. The decor is Black, Gold/Mustard Yellow and white. When you go in they greet you and give you a robe to wear throughout your experience. When I got my hair washed, I was able to get answers to some of my hair questions and my stylist just shared some dos and don’ts with me about my hair in order for me to keep it healthy. Kendra, my hair stylist was so kind. I have to admit, I knew I had some heat damage and was nervous about my hair being silk pressed because of it. I was also nervous that my hair would turn out horrible. All of my fears were thrown out the window, when we went with the bob cutting off damage and starting again on my hair growth journey. As the days went on my bob just got better and better.
The night before my birthday, I had a last minute outfit change thanks to my mom’s genius styling brain. She saved me from being a basic B at my own birthday party. The day of, I was feeling good and praying the weather would get better. The forecast showed rain, and boy did it rain, torrentially. The only thing I really had to do was get my make up done at Sephora. The girls who usually do my make up was not working so I had a new girl which is fine. The only problem is she took really long to do my make up and up-charged me because it took her long. I’ve never had this issue before but I wanted to maintain a stress free day so I just paid and left. My make up appointment which was only supposed to be an hour ran to two hours and ultimately made me late to my own birthday party (the audacity). I text everyone that they could be late. When I got, to the venue after rushing home to get dressed, the friends that were there helped me to set up. I love them. Also, my Bcake NY red velvet floral cake and inspired design turned out BEAUTIFUL.
The party itself was fabulous. The vibes were beautiful. The florist did an amazing job facilitating the workshop and choosing my favorite flowers. The venue owner stayed close by to ensure everything went smooth. The violinist set the mood with great vibes. The photographer took really beautiful and bold photos that captured the moment so vividly. For goodie bags I gave everyone the book that inspired my birthday party and my friend donated Affirmation Cards from her business to my gift bags which was the perfect tie in. I plan to do a deep dive video on the party planning itself but my birthday was a DREAM (my grandmother’s favorite term). It was so healing and beautiful being in community with my village and creating flower arrangements. Did it, cost me a pretty penny? ABSOLUTELY but it was an investment in my joy which to be honest is priceless.
Special Shout out to my black-owned and women owned vendors (and please support): BCake NY @BCAKENY Blncd THC Infused Drinks@BLNCDNATURALS Damora Regala Photography @MOMENTSBYDAMORA Devon Webster aka Maestro Kaiso Violinist @MAESTROKAISO Myleka Caesar Bullock of Glorious Vines @GLORIOUSVINES Shell’s Loft Venue@SHELLSLOFT Sherleen Bruno of B.Luxe Blooms @B.LUXE_BLOOMS
Let’s pivot to the good stuff, what I am reading, what I am watching, and what is top of mind for me:
READING
I read one of the best non-fiction books “Sisterhood Heals.” I was really looking for a book that captured the essence of sisterhood and this book made my heart swell with joy because it did just that. See my full review on this book below:
I went to a Black Girl Book Fair (I will not say the name of it) this month and to be honest I was a little disappointed. When I think book fair I think Scholastic book fairs from elementary school where there were tons of books you can choose from and purchase on the spot or order from a catalogue. I remember when I received my books, it was better than Christmas. I expected the same kind of vibes but this was not that. The venue was odd and when I finally found the location, it was a small room with a few vendors, who were selling everything but books. There was an author doing a talk but it just felt like a complete waste of my time. I am going to have grace though. They are just starting out and it may be their first year so I wish them well but I also wish the promotion was not so misleading.
WATCHING
Abbott Elementary is one of the best, funny, wholesome shows on television. I love the whole cast and really believe the show is unmatched. I wish Gregory and Janine would date already geesh!
Genius: MLK/X is fascinating. It will never get old learning about Malcom X and MLK. The casting is superb and I am also learning new things about these two figures I never knew before (at least about MLK).
Mea Culpa was okay….it had the grounds of being really good but the ending was just underdeveloped, unrealistic, and rushed to me. Oh well, maybe next time Tyler.
The Vince Staples show was cool. Not the best thing in the world but I enjoyed the bank episode.
TOP OF MIND FOR ME
Wendy Williams
Wendy Williams is a hot topic but something will not let me watch this documentary as yet. I am praying for her health and healing. I really love Wendy and I am also sad for her.
Monique on Club Shay Shay
I love Monique but this interview of her trying to convince the world she’s not difficult to work with showed me that she probably is difficult to work with. However, I believe truth tellers are very brave and they are courageously speaking out against wrong doing and wrong doers, and I believe we have to protect them at all costs.
With valentines day consuming the first half of the month, Sam and I did a date night at Brooklyn Beso. I was also doing some location scouting since I spent most of the month planning my 35th Birthday party. Brooklyn Beso had delish (yet very strong drinks) and I had the most delish lobster and shrimp pasta. Sam had vegan tacos which was tasty and we of course went for happy hour which meant two for one drinks, but on a school night meant we left one of the drinks at the table because we are not about that life. The vibes were made complete with old school Drake playing in the background. I miss the old drake he was my favorite, but I don’t know what’s going on with him now.
For valentines day Sam sent me a bouquet of colorful roses, which was a complete surprise, it arrived early on February 13th and to be honest I’ve been working so much that I didn’t realize it was valentines day the next day (so sad).
I am turning 35 in March, woohoo, so I’ve had my head down planning my party which although I’ve been planning it since July 2023, I officially confirmed that I was actually going to move forward with the party in January 2024. That left me less than two month to plan something epic, no pressure. The first book I read in January was called Dare to Bloom. It had such a lasting impact on me that I decided to host a “Kydee Bloom Season 35th Birthday Party” in which a floral arrangement workshop would be the focal point of the event. I was very intentional about planning this party which I will share all the details in an upcoming post. Black-owned, black-women owned, and women owned businesses and vendors were prioritized for my event. Not only was my birthday taking place during Women’s History Month, but I am a stark advocate for supporting black-owned and diverse-owned businesses who don’t have the same level of access and representation as others.
Some of the fun parts about planning my birthday included shopping for the perfect outfit. My birthday happens at that weird time in the year for fashion where its about a couple of weeks before the spring/summer cute outfits come out for the season, so I usually have the dreary winter outfits to work with which means I must search extra hard for cute outfits. I ended up wearing a black-owned designer Hanifa, but that was not on purposes, I was open to any designer and any outfit that said “Birthday Girl” without having to say it and made me feel good. I bought several outfits and will share in an upcoming birthday post about the overall process. For now, check out my outfit mood board below.
I went cake tasting at BCake Ny a black-woman owned bakery that I have been purchasing my cakes from for the last 3 years. This time I decided to do a cake tasting to see if there were any other cake tasting flavors I liked over my typical vanilla or Hennessy. The cake tasting experience was so fun. I got to choose from an array of flavors (my choices) which included red velvet, blue velvet, strawberry, chocolate and I threw in another Hennessy flavor to see if I wanted that again. All of them tasted great. Strawberry and chocolate was a strong consideration but I ended up going with the red velvet. After I decided on a flavor, the manager helped me design my cake which would be floral design. I shared my birthday party invite and she was so inspired by it that she designed such a beautiful cake. Can’t wait to share the big reveal of what we concocted that day.
A Little Day Brunch is a company that my former colleague turned Brooklyn friend owns. She hosted a Black Joy Brunch for the month of February and it was one of the best brunches I’ve ever been to. I really wish I had someone to come with me and experience the magic. While there I met an amazing photographer Damora who took the most flattering photos of me. She made me feel confident and beautiful and I knew I had to work with her somehow, in the future.
The brunch was a four course meal made by Chef Lauren Von Der Pool and her team. Chef Lauren curated the menu for the MET gala which made our time in community with her extra special. The vibes and music for the event really made for a great experience. I felt like those ladies of leisure who just brunch because they are rich and have nothing else to do. I am wondering how I can make this my lifestyle, a life of leisure…did anyone say early retirement?
My health is a priority this year. I visited a new PCP doctor after doing research in January and let me tell you, it’s so important to do research. For context, I went to another doctor the month before and before I could even be seen I ran out of the facility. Something didn’t feel right. So going back to my list of doctors, I did some more research, looking at comments, reviews, specialities, and chose this one and so far so good. She’s thorough and while she seems no nonsense, I can tell she genuinely cares.
To close out the month I went to Connecticut to visit Sam. It was me and Ginger’s first time taking the train and to be honest I didn’t know what to expect. I bought Ginger a dog bag with wheels in hopes it would make travel a little more seamless but the wheels gave in before we got to Grand Central Station. I had to carry her on my suitcase.
Besides that little mishap we had a smooth ride to Connecticut and Sam was waiting for us at the train station. I will say my time in Connecticut was a little better this time than the last time but I am still not convinced about that state. Me and Sam tried food from a local vegan spot that has some West Indian / Ital vibes called Fire N Spice. We enjoyed their breakfast the most, they had delicious tofu scramble, pepper and onions sausages, and cheese burger patties, YUM!
Black history month is such a powerful and exhilarating time for me. This month, I decided to do activities that allowed me to honor the legacy of my people while simultaneously trying something new.
To kick off the month I attended an art class inspired by Alma Thomas. The art class was hosted by The Art Club East Village which is owned by passionate women artists. I first fell in love with Alma Thomas while at the Brooklyn Museum. She creates bright, bold and colorful artwork, some of which are inspired by florals. What I also admired about Alma Thomas was that she was an educator that started her art career later in life. She was the first black woman to have a solo exhibition at the Whitney Museum. Her abstract art is striking and many years ago before I knew a class like this existed, I tried to imitate her art while painting for leisure. This turned out to be a special night for me. I came out of my shell and did something I knew I would really enjoy.
“I’ve never bothered painting the ugly things in life. People struggling, having difficulty. You meet that when you go out, and then you have to come back and see the same thing hanging on the wall. No. I wanted something beautiful that you could sit down and look at. And then, the paintings change you.” – Alma Thomas
In the name of art and culture I needed to visit the Spike Lee exhibit before it ended. Two days after the Alma Thomas art workshop I visited the Brooklyn Museum to get engulfed in all things SPIKE. It was like an inside look into his mind, creativity, and passions. The exhibit explored history, politics, race, culture, and all things Brooklyn. The portrait he has in his art collection of Toni Morrison is captivating. He has one of the last photos of Denise McNair, one of the four little girls who was killed in the church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama in 1963. He also directed the documentary “4 Little Girls” about the incident which was something new that I learned while at the exhibit. I left on a high motivated to create but also with so much pride. Brooklyn is the birth place to creative geniuses like Spike who is one of my local heroes and creative inspirations.
Ginger turned 3 years old this month. Being a dog mom is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It is truly a blessing. I love Ginger and I am so grateful she’s my pup baby. To celebrate her big three birthday, I bought decorations for the house and kept up with the tradition of taking her to Starbucks, she is obsessed with her pup cups. Later that evening Ginger’s twin brother Blaze came over with my mom, and we hosted a Super Bowl party(or shall I say Usherbowl party) for them since it was the same day.
Can we talk about the Usher half-time show? It was one of my favorites. I saw Usher in concert many years ago during his confessions era, which to me was peak Usher, but I am loving this evolved version of Usher. The half time show and subsequently listening to Confessions for the following two weeks on repeat, brought back so many memories, from high school. I remember I held out on listening to the “Confessions” album until one of my friends urged me to do so one day in school and it became one of the most pivotal and legendary albums during my coming of age era. I remember this was the album we were blasting during my 15th birthday in my bedroom (yes a bunch of friends and I gathered in my bedroom when I wasn’t allowed to go to the skating rink). Usher is a lege-[]nd!
Let’s pivot to the good stuff, what I am reading, what I am watching, and what is top of mind for me:
READING
I am in a self-help, self-improvement era. The books I am reading are challenging me to have a growth mind-set vs. a fixed mindset. They are challenging me to search for purpose and identity. It is re-centering my relationship with God in all things.
This month I read Dare to Bloom by Zim Flores and Killing Comparison by Nona Jones.
In Dare to Bloom the book starts off by addressing the concept of purpose. We hear about purpose all the time, and historically I’ve thought about it as an all encompassing life purpose. Well Zim actually says there are two types of purpose. One that spans a lifetime and another that may span a season. I had never heard purpose broken down into a seasonal one but it immediately resonated with me. I am currently leaving a painful season in hopes that my next one will be filled with joy and blooming. Sharing a powerful quote from this book:
“In times like these it’s important that we don’t find ourselves desiring deliverance more than revelation. We just want the pain to stop. We want to jump to the place where we already have the success, the money, the prestige. We want this without the pain, discomfort, or effort. But wanting out too early, simply evades the process that God wants us to go through.It eliminates the growth we’ll experience if we stay the course.”
I picked up the book Killing Comparison because I am leaving a season where I have been comparing myself to others. Rejection from a promotional opportunity made me compare myself in a lot of ways. In reality, I was ready for the promotion, but due to so many changes, reorgs, and layoffs, I didn’t have the sponsors that could advocate for me. So what did I begin doing as a result? I compared myself. This person is further along in their career than me, and this person is doing xyz. Comparison is exhausting and it feels icky. Nona Jones writes so transparently about her own struggles with comparison and she is honest with the fact that even though she’s writing a book about it she still struggles with comparison to this day. She also reminds us that our identity needs to be rooted in God. Whenever you start comparing yourself to others she urges the reader to question “Why does it matter?” Below are a few powerful quotes and concepts from her book:
“Somewhere along the line I had surrendered my purpose for performative applause. “
“When we suffer from toxic comparison we identify people in our social circle who have an attainable degree of success. Once we have them in our line of sight we secure our identity to getting to where they are on the worthiness ruler. But anytime they advance ahead our identity feels threatened because their success moves them further out of reach.”
“Healthy comparison leads to inspiration”
WATCHING
Chile, I finished Black Cake the series on Hulu. I read the book last year and the series is phenomenal and very true to the book. This was one of the best book adaptations I’ve ever seen. Black Cake synopsis is below:
Eleanor Bennett loses her battle with cancer, leaving her children a flash drive that holds untold stories of her journey from the Caribbean to America; the stories shock her children and challenge everything they know about their family’s origin.
Check out my Black Cake book review here:
Rustin
I had no idea who Bayard Rustin was until I watched the Rustin movie on Netflix. There are so many unsung heroes in our black history and he is one of them. I did not know he was the brains and machine around the March on Washington. He was brilliant. This is must-watch movie. Rustin’s synopsis is below:
Bayard Rustin, advisor to Martin Luther King Jr., dedicates his life to the quest for racial equality, human rights and worldwide democracy. However, as an openly gay Black man, he is all but erased from the civil rights movement he helped build.
What is top of mind for me this month:
I am thinking about the over 25,000 people that have died in Palestine since October and the over 2,000 killed in Israel and hundreds of hostages with families awaiting their return home and nothing is being done to cease fire and end this. I am thinking about the children, the women getting sexually assaulted, the displacement, the fear. I am praying for humanity and that we begin to see the value in life.
I am thinking about Dr. Bonnie and how much work needs to be done to improve workplace culture and people managers who do not know how to manage people.
I am thinking about the importance of truth tellers (e.g. Katt Williams) and how telling their truth exposes the toxic, manipulative, hypocritical, and gate keeping behavior of those we revere.
I am thinking about the VSU Cheerleaders who look darn good almost 30-years later!!!
LifestyleByKy 