#Podbyky Epi 14 The 3 P’s (Patience, Process, Purpose)

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Patience-Process-Purpose, are the three lessons I learned in the last couple of years navigating my life but more specifically, my career. I was discouraged for some time but at the right time, God came through and answered my prayers for the direction I wanted to go in my life.

Patience: Sometimes we need to humble ourselves in times of frustration. We need to take a deep breath and realize that although we are in a situation we don’t want to be in, it’s only temporary. So be patient, let God work in your life until your blessing is harvested.

Process: You learn the most on your journey to success during the process. You have to enjoy the moment, it makes you resilent. Learn as much as you can during this time and put your trust in God that you’re going to be fine in the end. Spend this time learning your passions. The process promotes growth.

Purpose: Isn’t this the goal? Sometimes we have to go through everything we do before God reveals to us what our purpose is. Keep believing.

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Protect Your Destiny

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Were you offended by his question? My friend asked me this one Friday evening while we were catching up. Just to give you some backstory, a few weeks prior, I went out with a group of my friends to a cool spot in Bedstuy called  Lover’s Rock, which gives off all types of Love Jones vibes.

We didn’t see each other for a while so we sat around our table and caught up. The friend that was doing all of the questioning, asked me “So what are you doing, career wise? What are your next steps…?” That’s when the conversation got awkward. If you know anything about me, I am not one to talk about everything that I am doing. I’m also not one to count my chickens before they hatch. So was it so bad when I said “Sorry I can’t share with you…”
This response piqued his interest further because he continued to pry. I held on tightly to my original sentiments…”No!”
 Maybe it came off weird to everyone at the table. Maybe you’re also thinking what’s the big deal? But sometimes when you are dealing with something as huge and significant as your destiny and what you’re going to do with the rest of your life it has to remain between you and God until the time is right. I could’ve created an elaborate story of dreams and goals and everything my “inner” heart desired for conversation sake, but what  good would that do? I’m in a season of transition, so it’s vital for me to be still and wait on God. Therefore, until the changes God has for me are revealed, I can’t be rambling to every and anyone about my plans because some people, even the ones that are closest to you may not understand and quite frankly, it’s not meant for them to. As Sarah Jakes said “Your destiny is not a democracy.”
I say this all to say, protect your destiny. Everyone doesn’t have the right to know what’s between you and God because it’s between you and God. Your destiny is not up for conversation or discussion. Be still and let God direct your life because he will reveal the perfect time for you to shine and give you peace in your heart for the people you should actually reveal these revelations to.

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Lacking Faith

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…” – Hebrews 11

I lack faith. Some people are ashamed to admit that but I know I do. My church did a class on Faith recently, teaching from the book Hebrews Chapter 11, where we dissected the meaning of faith and the people in the bible who exhibited great faith-Abraham, Moses, David. I was inspired but still failed a test of faith recently.

The test was simple, so simple that I knew it was a test, but still, I failed miserably. I decided to apply for something, which at the time I thought I really wanted. When I was rejected I was very angry. I’ve never been this angry in a long time. That anger turned into questioning the plans that God has for my life, those questions led me to feelings of defeat, and that defeat deflated me completely and I felt so discouraged and depressed. I didn’t have to react so poorly to rejection but I did. I could’ve gone totally against the grain. I could’ve completely remained confident that the next door of opportunity would open but I didn’t. I created a pity party for myself filled with negativity and a spirit that was not aligned with God.

I decided to go to church the next morning in hopes for an answer and I received one. The pastor preached about hindrances and what it means to be blocked from doing something. A hindrance can come from either God or the devil; you just have to be spiritually in tune to decipher who it’s from. I left church feeling empowered. Simply because having faith means putting your trust in God. Sometimes that’s extremely hard. You see other people doing great things and you want to know when your turn will be. You see people building great relationships and you want to know when your prince or princess will come into your life. Navigating life with such uncertainty is hard, but that’s where faith comes in.

One of the many beauties of life is the mystery of it. One of the most challenging things about life is not knowing when your expectations will be met. Will it be a year from now or tomorrow?  That’s my struggle, I just want to know when. I wish this post was the answer to how I conquered my lack of faith but it’s not. It’s more about transparency than anything. It’s letting you know that as a Christian sometimes it can be hard to keep believing in God’s plans even if we know he wants the best for us. I know for sure God has my back, because he always has. I know you’re supposed to be patient and wait on God’s timing for all things, but even though I know this as a fact, it’s hard to accept when it deals with the circumstances of YOUR life and that’s the trouble.

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Fantasies, False Hope, & Ungodly Soul Ties

IMG_0563-1Like many woman, when I meet a guy that I actually like, I allow my mind to create a whirlwind of thoughts for what our perfect relationship would look like. Some might call these thoughts fantasies, which is completely normal and healthy. We all have them don’t we? Well, according to Psychology Today:

“Fantasies are not frivolous. They can be entertaining, distracting, frightening, even arousing, but they also allow for creativity and help us plan for the future. As long as we don’t mistake fantasies for reality…”

As long as we don’t mistake fantasies for reality. As women, it’s pretty hard to meet someone we are really into and not have some sort of expectation for the future. That’s like telling someone, let’s go to Disney World, but don’t expect to go on the rides. In saying this, I want to touch on this idea of fantasies and the false hope that it brings about; I am encouraged to tie this in with my series on soul ties. As with all of my soul ties post, I am about to get real, I am going to expose some of my vulnerabilities and you all might think I am completely insane, but that’s okay. Side Note: I am a Pisces, and even though I am not into that astrology stuff anymore, Pisces tend to be dreamers, we want the happy endings, we believe in the good of all people. When I think of us, I can imagine that we would be content skipping through a big field of sunflowers, catching butterflies and enjoying the fresh air and sunlight. So please don’t judge me. Like for real, what I am about to say sounds even crazy to me.

Continue reading “Fantasies, False Hope, & Ungodly Soul Ties”

Ungodly Soul Ties & Sacrifice

Kydee Williams SelfieMy confidence was developed through letting go of a lot of ungodly soul ties, and working on loving myself. For so long, I sought validation from the men in my life. I was even surprised that they saw something in me that I’d never saw in myself, and because they did, I wanted to hold on tight. I am looking at this picture, and I am remembering a time when I was a teenager, and would never be able to take a picture like this. I hated my profile (the structure of the side of my face). It reminded me that I had big chubby cheeks, like a chipmunk, that looked nothing like the fierce bone structure of the models in magazines. I would sometimes, (not often) avoid mirrors because of my growing pains and insecurity, and these kinds of feelings about yourself is no recipe to pursue a relationship. You should never go into a relationship half empty, looking for your partner to complete you; through experience I’ve learned, it just doesn’t work.

In my first post on Ungodly Soul Ties, I talked about the strongest soul tie that I had, and I am definitely going to address that some more in subsequent posts, but it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t address another ungodly soul tie that I had while in college (that I often try to forget). If I was insecure as a teen, this soul tie, plummeted my esteem to a new all time low. I was in what some would now call a “Situationship.” A situationship is a relationship without the title of being in one. I was determined to be his girlfriend but he wasn’t the “commitment type.” Unfortunately for me, I was giving him all the benefits of a girlfriend, without having the actual title, and although I wasn’t okay with that, I stayed with him. My soul was connected to him and would stay like that for about 3-years. I was hypnotized by him and no matter what I did, I could not shake him. Getting hurt by him began to feel normal. It must have been a feeling I yearned, since I kept going back for more. This time in my life could be characterized by absolute chaos, confusion, and abandonment. The relationship worked around him, when he called, when he wanted to talk, when he wanted to drive to see me, and when he didn’t feel like doing any of those things, I waited until he did. One day, after two long years of the back and forth, I had enough. He spent the weekend with me, and I was sick of not being “enough” for him. I was trying to convince this man, that could do nothing for me, that I was the one he should be with and he stood firm in his non-committal status. Meanwhile, I had my whole life ahead of me (I was only a few weeks away from being a college graduate), I would soon be working, and pursuing a career and through all of that I still pursued this relationship. I knew, when he walked out of my apartment that day, it was the end of us and sure enough it was.

I want to make something very clear, if anything was an ungodly soul tie, this relationship was it. I was distracted from God because of him. I stopped going to church (partially because I was in Pennsylvania and there weren’t any churches I would want to go to out there, but also because I wasn’t interested). I would wake up and think about him. I remember being in math class and before the lesson started, I was thinking about him. When I went out with my friends I would think about him. It was really a trance, that’s how I used to explain it to my friends. I would want to be out of the situation, but some sort of power of the mind, beyond me, was making me yearn and crave him, and now I realize it was the enemy. God has a plan for us and the enemy has a plan for us, there is constant warfare for our lives. The enemy used this relationship to distract me from God, and trust me it did, but not for much longer.

Continue reading “Ungodly Soul Ties & Sacrifice”

Ungodly Soul Ties

Kydee williamsSoul Ties have been on my mind and heart for a while now, but very strongly this past weekend. I learned about Soul Ties about 3 years ago. I was actually weaning myself off of one when someone told me what it was. The strong feelings associated with this person no longer being in my life made sense now. I wasn’t crazy. I was in a soul tie! Throughout this post, I am going to share some of the things I’ve learned about soul ties along with my own personal experiences.

To start, there are two types of soul ties, an Ungodly Soul Tie and a Godly Soul tie. For the purposes of this post, I am going to focus on the Ungodly Soul Tie. As always, expect complete transparency.

Soul ties represent a bond. These bonds, or soul bonds are created through people and things. What normally ends up happening is that you become dependent and attached to them. The deeper the bond, the more difficult it is to break. Sometimes we don’t know how tied we are to someone or something until it’s time to give it up.

I was with someone for about 9-years. Now, if we are going to be real, I was only really with them in a relationship for about 4-years. The other 5-years we were in a “friends with benefits” arrangement. When it was time to breakaway from him, no one around me understood why it was so hard for me to do so:

“Yall broke up years ago, why do you still care about him?”

“He’s moved on and so should you!”

“That was just puppy love… that shouldn’t matter now.”

Their responses were callous. They didn’t understand how much it hurt to let this person go. I depended on him. I called him whenever something was going right or wrong and he was there for me. I sought his approval. I LOVED him. More importantly, they didn’t understand that I was in a soul tie so strong that it couldn’t easily be cured with a Girl’s Night Out or meeting someone new, it was deep. It was spiritual. It was warfare.

There are various ways a soul tie can form:

Continue reading “Ungodly Soul Ties”

Lost Sheep

Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. -Luke 15:1-7

Lost sheep. I was the lost sheep that Jesus talks about in the parable. I remember the very day when I wanted to be redeemed. I’ll have to save some of the details for when I eventually write my book (total plug), but I was in my bed at Penn State University. My “boy-friend” at the time just left after a weekend of total sin. He wasn’t really my boyfriend but we were together for two years. He strung me along, and claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship. In all actuality he was ready for a relationship, he just wasn’t ready for one with me. My soul was spent. I felt dirty. I felt like I was sleeping with a demon. I felt low, unworthy, soiled, disgusting. I can’t describe the feeling but I had the weight of sin all over me. I cried from day to night. I felt so alone in that empty room in Pennsylvania. The feeling was indescribable. I called on God. Help me lord. Get me out of this situation. Get the pain that I am feeling in my heart and chest out. Make me whole again. Nothing changed, I felt the same. I eventually went in the shower to try and wash off all remnants of him. I was with a man who wouldn’t even give me a title, yet I just spent the weekend giving him all of me. I would do anything for him. I was like the girl in Coming to America, who barked on Prince Zamunda’s command. If I noticed he was going to the strip club too often, I turned into the stripper. When he demeaned me I tried to change myself so I could be more acceptable in his eyes. Every day that we spent not in a relationship but doing relationship things weighed on my confidence. I knew I deserved someone to respect me enough to claim me but I couldn’t break the shackles of this soul tie. It was a strong soul tie indeed. Continue reading “Lost Sheep”

You Are Worthy To Be Praised!

I found the original recording to my favorite song ever. I heard it for the first time last year when I started attending Tuesday night prayer meetings at my church, The Brooklyn Tabernacle. A warmth came over me. I couldn’t help but to cry and lift my hands up high. Feelings of unworthiness overcame me. My knees slowly dropped to the floor.

You are Alpha and Omega

We worship you our lord

You are worthy to be praised

We give you All the Glory

Just four simple lines to a hymn changed my life. My whole walk with Christ was reformed because of the anointing on this song. He loves us so much. I felt reassured watching others in this video with the same reaction as I have when hearing this; Uncontrollable tears. There’s something about this record. Not even Israel Houghton could get through his own song. Now you know there’s power in it. I give God all the glory; He saved me. He loves me.

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Asceticism

It’s been a year since I got baptized and the process has not been easy. I got baptized partially because I knew it was something I had to do to remain active in my church but also because I was ready to proclaim my relationship with Jesus Christ publicly. I was afraid. A part of me felt pressured. I wasn’t ready to give up certain pleasures and behaviors. I didn’t know how to be the “perfect” Christian. The fact that I would think I had to become the perfect Christian once baptized is proof of my ignorance about its significance.

Yet after classes and interviews to make sure that I was ready, the day came; it was time. I felt the presence of God during my baptism ceremony. An overwhelming warmth and burst of tears solidified he was there with me. Even before getting dunked in the water, I knew at that moment my past was forgiven and it has never haunted me again.

Yet, after my baptism the tests and trials began. Everything that I have ever stood for came to a halt this year. I gave up on myself and gave myself up. I became weak. I became lonely. I gave into temptation time and time again despite the feelings of conviction I had. I didn’t know who I was becoming. I was a functioning wreck without self-control. I no longer knew how to defend my beliefs because I was confused myself. What did I believe in? Was I still an advocate for celibacy? Did I believe in saving yourself before marriage or did I only believe it because someone told me I should? I began talking to old boyfriends. Boyfriends I clearly left in the past because their beliefs did not align with my own. I resented singlehood. I began to feel lonely and unworthy of a relationship. I let thoughts plague my head about being alone and a spinster forever. I gossiped. Loved celebrity gossip too much and reveled in the latest “tea.” I had no self-control; no inhibitions. I did things in the dark hoping it wouldn’t come to light. I lied, and told myself it was for the other persons own good. I was far from the perfect Christian. I struggled more after my baptism than I’d ever did in my whole walk with Christ. I was a sinner. I am a sinner.

I’m not perfect. I believe we sometimes go through these things to have an amazing story to tell that would one day inspire others. I am thinking I went through these things to share with believers that it’s not easy. The more you step forward in the light, the more the devil tries to bring you back into the dark. The closer I got to God the further I was from him.

Asceticism is the practice of severe self-discipline and abstention from all forms of indulgence, typically for religious reasons. This is my overall goal in year 2. I want to practice self-disciple and techniques in defeating the devil when prompted to give into desires and temptations. However, there are other compartments in life that can teach lessons on self-control and I want to build on that as well:

First I will start with food. I come from the school of thought where we only have one life to live, so why deprive yourself of good food. Yet, as satisfying as this mentality may be, I have no self-control. I eat brownies in the morning and dinner after 10PM. If I create some sort of control in my eating habits, it will resonate with me spiritually as well.

Secondly, waking up in the morning. I am a snoozer. I will set the alarm for 6:45AM and will not get out of bed until 7:45AM. I need to start waking up when the alarm goes off no excuses.

Lastly, I want to practice self-discipline with the amount of time I spend with God. Sometimes we let the hustle and bustle of life get in the way with our relationship with God and that’s unacceptable. If I know I can’t go to bed without reading the word, marinating on his blessings and teachings and saying a prayer then I will carve out the time to spend with him. No excuses.

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Peace. Love & Let God.

As the holiday season is among us, I am reminded of the immense work that God has done in my life. Unfortunately, by the people around me who are doing reflections of their year and overall life and feel like it’s not enough; They are not doing enough; they are not fulfilling a purpose; My heart is heavy as I hear their pleas of inadequacy, searching for the right words to calm their discontented spirits.

In November 2013, I was in the same predicament. I had no peace in my life nor in my heart. I wanted more. I worried about the past, the present and the future. I had very little hope that change would come. I found myself in Barnes and Nobles one Sunday morning, wanting so desperately for my life to change. I spent the whole day reading books. Books about travel, books about pursuing a higher degree, books about writing my own book and books about relationships and wedding planning. What exactly did I want out of my life? All of these things. The question was, how to take the first steps towards attaining my inner most desires? I found that the answer was in humility. My number one issue was that I was not happy with my present. I felt stuck. I didn’t feel like I was progressing as fast enough as my peers. I hate to admit it now, because I always consider myself my own competition, but I was looking at others and comparing their success to my own, which is the worst thing to do. I didn’t feel like I was growing professionally, I felt more than competent to take on more responsibility at work but didn’t see an avenue to pursue this growth. I’d never traveled beyond the Caribbean and I wanted to see the world so bad, I didn’t have my own apartment nor did I have a car (which was a personal choice) but hey it could’ve been nice, and I was single and hadn’t been in a substantial relationships since I was in my late teens. Humility came with acknowledging that I was more than capable of having everything my heart desired simply by putting my life in God’s hands wholeheartedly. I wouldn’t complain about my job, I would thank God for it. I wouldn’t pout when hopping into a friend’s new car I would thank God for their blessings. I shut my mouth and continued to pursue excellence in all aspects of my life even though I didn’t see nor did I fathom the plans and the ways God would shake up my life in 2014. I found peace, not only in my present but in my future. My security in God grew stronger and I learned how to truly forgive. Forgive my past, forgive those who said something to me or did something to me that did not align with how God defined me, now all that was left to do was watch God’s plans unfold and it did.

After getting baptized in January and declaring publicly that the lord was my savior, I soon booked a trip to Europe that changed my life. I planned my first event for my organization Reserved that turned out to be a success. I went to a seminar that taught me how to write and publish my own book. I then went on to travel through Europe and all the cities I only dreamed of seeing. It changed my life and showed me that all things were possible through God. I came back from Europe only to discover that I was getting a raise and a bonus at work…what? I wasn’t expecting both. I completely bounced back financially over night, it was as if I never took money out of my bank account to pay for Europe-all was covered. I started dedicating my Tuesday nights to prayer meeting at my church. The thing that I enjoyed about prayer meeting was that it taught me how to be selfless. We didn’t spend 2-hours praying for ourselves and our own problems, we prayed for others. We prayed for those individuals living in rural Asia, India and Haiti or the forgotten Native Americans suffering from alcoholism and poverty on reservations. We prayed for women caught up in human trafficking and for people whose family members were suffering from cancer, mental illness and other serious ailments. I learned that the world didn’t revolve around me, I learned to pray and I learned to worship. I even began listening to gospel music-Alpha and Omega by Israel Houghton is my favorite song ever. Eventually things began to look up for me.

I began to take the idea of going back to school seriously. What I would go to school for was still a mystery but I knew I was beginning to love business and entrepreneurship and I always wanted to be a writer and write for a magazine.

I stopped partying as much, matter fact I didn’t party at all, yet one day I decided to go to an event called “The Greatest Day Ever” and met my boyfriend. Turns out he’s so gentle, giving, and intelligent, a little bit CRAY-CRAY, very introverted but overall a great person and I am happy he’s in my life. I soon realized in order to pursue a new relationship I would need to make sure my closet was completely cleaned and all skeletons were gone. I co-hosted a sister circle with some of my closest friends. We spent the whole day forgiving; forgiving our past, confronting skeletons that were holding us back and praying for one another. We wrote our insecurities on an index card and released it out of our souls. It was one of the highlights of my year. All was forgiven.

Later on in the year I began to plan to go to South Africa. Africa, was just a mere dream of mine and it was just about to become a reality when my manager left the company and I was promoted into her position. Promotion comes from God, and that had God’s promise written all over it. Now, I am sitting in my bed pretty much typing my year in review anticipating my conclusion so I can thank God for his blessings. But before I do that, I want to share the inspiration for this post. I was listening to a sermon today by my Pastor Cymbala and he preached about peace and the four types of peace we need to have in our lives and in this New Year:

  • Peace with God (When you have peace with God, there’s an understanding that you’re covered. Humble yourself)
  • Peace that covers our past (Letting go of the recriminations and sorrowful memories that might be holding you back. It is what it is; you can’t change your past all you can do is forgive yourself and others)
  • Peace that covers the present (Letting go of those feelings of inadequacy and desires of not having what you want at a certain age or not being where you want to be. Be content in what you are blessed with but continue to pursue your goals.)
  • Peace that covers the future (being secure in that all things work together for the greater good)

In life there are ups and downs, highs and lows, good days and bad days. But one of the things God has shown me this year is that he has a plan for each and every one of our lives and there is no coincidence that we are where we currently are. The present, no matter how monotonous it might be is preparing us for our future and our past cannot be changed so let go of the baggage. God has mapped out our life from when we take our first breath to when we take our last and we have to be secure in knowing he knows what’s best for us and he will provide beyond our inner most desires. He will unleash dreams we never imagined could unfold in our lives. So get ready.

Peace, Love and Happy Holidays!

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