Month: February 2024

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January 2024 Part 3

Let’s pivot to the good stuff, what I am reading, what I am watching, and what is top of mind for me:

READING

I am in a self-help, self-improvement era. The books I am reading are challenging me to have a growth mind-set vs. a fixed mindset. They are challenging me to search for purpose and identity. It is re-centering my relationship with God in all things.

This month I read Dare to Bloom by Zim Flores and Killing Comparison by Nona Jones.

In Dare to Bloom the book starts off by addressing the concept of purpose. We hear about purpose all the time, and historically I’ve thought about it as an all encompassing life purpose. Well Zim actually says there are two types of purpose. One that spans a lifetime and another that may span a season. I had never heard purpose broken down into a seasonal one but it immediately resonated with me. I am currently leaving a painful season in hopes that my next one will be filled with joy and blooming. Sharing a powerful quote from this book:

“In times like these it’s important that we don’t find ourselves desiring deliverance more than revelation. We just want the pain to stop. We want to jump to the place where we already have the success, the money, the prestige. We want this without the pain, discomfort, or effort. But wanting out too early, simply evades the process that God wants us to go through.It eliminates the growth we’ll experience if we stay the course.”

I picked up the book Killing Comparison because I am leaving a season where I have been comparing myself to others. Rejection from a promotional opportunity made me compare myself in a lot of ways. In reality, I was ready for the promotion, but due to so many changes, reorgs, and layoffs, I didn’t have the sponsors that could advocate for me. So what did I begin doing as a result? I compared myself. This person is further along in their career than me, and this person is doing xyz. Comparison is exhausting and it feels icky. Nona Jones writes so transparently about her own struggles with comparison and she is honest with the fact that even though she’s writing a book about it she still struggles with comparison to this day. She also reminds us that our identity needs to be rooted in God. Whenever you start comparing yourself to others she urges the reader to question “Why does it matter?” Below are a few powerful quotes and concepts from her book:

“Somewhere along the line I had surrendered my purpose for performative applause. “

“When we suffer from toxic comparison we identify people in our social circle who have an attainable degree of success. Once we have them in our line of sight we secure our identity to getting to where they are on the worthiness ruler. But anytime they advance ahead our identity feels threatened because their success moves them further out of reach.”

“Healthy comparison leads to inspiration”

WATCHING

Chile, I finished Black Cake the series on Hulu. I read the book last year and the series is phenomenal and very true to the book. This was one of the best book adaptations  I’ve ever seen. Black Cake synopsis is below:

Eleanor Bennett loses her battle with cancer, leaving her children a flash drive that holds untold stories of her journey from the Caribbean to America; the stories shock her children and challenge everything they know about their family’s origin.

Check out my Black Cake book review here:

Rustin

I had no idea who Bayard Rustin was until I watched the Rustin movie on Netflix. There are so many unsung heroes in our black history and he is one of them. I did not know he was the brains and machine around the March on Washington. He was brilliant. This is must-watch movie. Rustin’s synopsis is below:

Bayard Rustin, advisor to Martin Luther King Jr., dedicates his life to the quest for racial equality, human rights and worldwide democracy. However, as an openly gay Black man, he is all but erased from the civil rights movement he helped build.

What is top of mind for me this month:

  • I am thinking about the over 25,000 people that have died in Palestine since October and the over 2,000 killed in Israel and hundreds of hostages with families awaiting their return home and nothing is being done to cease fire and end this. I am thinking about the children, the women getting sexually assaulted, the displacement, the fear. I am praying for humanity and that we begin to see the value in life.
  • I am thinking about Dr. Bonnie and how much work needs to be done to improve workplace culture and people managers who do not know how to manage people.
  • I am thinking about the importance of truth tellers (e.g. Katt Williams) and how telling their truth exposes the toxic, manipulative, hypocritical, and gate keeping behavior of those we revere. 
  • I am thinking about the VSU Cheerleaders who look darn good almost 30-years later!!!
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January 2024 Part 2

When I finally got back home from Connecticut, it was crunch time. Black history month was around the corner and that is a huge focus for me in my current role. I am also in two weddings this year so my maid of honor duties and my bridesmaid duties are in full effect. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work! 

Tatiana by Chef Kwame Onwuachi was voted the #1 restaurant in New York in 2023. It’s so hard to get a reservation here. In a previous job, we invited Chef Kwame to speak at our speaker series when he released his memoir. To see his success since then is really cool. While celebrating my friend’s 27th birthday, who also happens to know one of the chef’s, I was finally able to experience the notorious Tatiana. Everything I had was delicious. The curried goat patties, rice and peas, and braised oxtails live in my mind and taste buds  rent free. I would love to go back, but…..I can’t get a reservation. 

One Friday morning, I was on LinkedIn when I saw this beautiful black woman who had a bald head accented by her almond shaped eyes and beautiful gold jewelry. Next to her name was a heartbreak emoji. I went down a comments rabbit hole trying to get a better understanding of why there was a heartbreak emoji next to her name. When the comments proved to be too ambiguous for me to understand, I googled her name and was horrified with what I discovered.Dr. Antoinette “Bonnie” Candia-Bailey died by suicide on January 8th. She suffered from severe anxiety and depression but this was exacerbated by her toxic workplace and bullying boss. Her cries for help were silenced. She was not given the support and resources to do her job and to advance in her career and it got so bad that she took her own life. As someone who has dealt with toxic work cultures and bosses throughout my career, I know how isolating this feeling is. I’ve always questioned the “real world.” Is it truly real if everyone is masquerading and performing? People get jobs, titles, and power and lose all common sense, allowing their ego to get in the way. It’s really sad to know that work cultures can kill. We all have a responsibility to be more empathetic and kind to each other.

Speaking of kindness in workplaces, I had a lunch with my friend Lauren who I met while looking for community engagement opportunities for work a few years ago. She told me that I inspired her to start her own business. I was shocked. It was a powerful revelation and a testament to showing up for one another in work spaces, building connections with people and never losing yourself in a job. Seeing Lauren take what she learned through her day job and become the CEO of her own business is a dream of mine and what she doesn’t know is that she inspired me to hopefully do the same one day. This was the perfect catch up date to end the month. 

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January 2024 Part 1

I haven’t written on my blog in two years, so first I want to say hello! I saw someone drop a newsletter recently and it seemed like a really cool thing to do but it’s also similar to blogging so I am jumping back on the wagon.

Even though I didn’t feel it at the time, I needed to be optimistic about 2024. The last couple of years have been hard, filled with grief, rejection, and uncertainty. I was sick of living in those feelings and realized that I had the power to choose whether this behavior continued or not. 

The New Year is one of my favorite holidays. It’s a time where we get to dress up in sequins and fur, drink champagne, and set goals. It’s so bougie and I love it. This new year, I spent it with my friend celebrating her 35th. We went to Public Hotel in the lower east side, where she rented out an igloo for the night. The best part of this experience was that she and her boyfriend cultivated a beautiful vibe. They went around the igloo and asked questions about our goals for the year, what habits are we keeping or leaving for the new year, and other really thought-provoking questions. The attendees were couples for the most part, some newly married, some married for twenty years. My boyfriend and I felt so good in that space and learned so much that night from everyone’s response. I didn’t realize until that moment how important it is to be around and learn from other couples. We are all just trying to make it work and while some people romanticize relationships, it’s hard work that need to be cultivated and fought for on a daily basis. 

The next day, I went to Connecticut where I spent the first two weeks of January. Connecticut is not for me. It was cold, snowing, dreary, and contrary to my city girl lifestyle. By day 9 I cracked and desperately wanted to go home. Me and the suburbs never worked out to be honest. However, since there is not much to do, I did get a lot of personal things done, some of which I share below:

  1. Primary Care Doctor Research: One of my top goals this year is my health. After loosing two family members to cancer, and watching their health decline, I believe it’s important to prioritize this. Previously, I was with a medical group that will remain nameless, but since they were acquired their care has declined. For years I had the most amazing Nurse Practitioner caring for me, who was technically trained to do similar care like a doctor and when she left, I was left with doctors who rushed me and could care less. One black woman doctor said (and I am paraphrasing), you may be looking for a black doctor but I am not it, I am not taking anymore patients. Her comment was jarring and made me feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong. So I decided to leave the medical group and searched for a black woman doctor who would not rush me, who would listen to me, and go on a journey with me. Doctor research is not easy. It requires time and patience. As a black woman searching for a black doctor, you can’t filter doctors by their race on insurance websites, so there is a lot of copying names from your insurance in-network options to google. I also like doing this because I can read reviews and the experiences of other patients. I like to focus on all reviews but I am always sure to check out the bad ones which unfortunately can be accurate. For some doctors, if their staff/receptionist are poor then the reviews will negatively impact them. Essentially, I created a list of doctors and ordered them in priority of who I liked most. Then called some of them to see who could get me in soon. Most doctors are booked honey. I had one doctor’s office tell me their next appointment was December 2024, I had to ask the receptionist again, did I understand that correctly? But with some prayer, I was able to get a doctors appointment in late February for a new doctor and I am very excited about this.
  1. Therapist Research: Similar to doctor’s research therapist research is a similar process. I search who is in-network and then I google them. However, I also have two secret weapons as resources in this search which is Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls. These sites let you filter based on insurance, location, virtual or in-person needs, religion, focus areas, and race. While the search for a new therapist is still ongoing for me (I have so many options and I am having a hard time choosing), my next step would be a consultation with the therapist to learn more and to see if they are a fit. I am hoping to complete this before Q1 is over. 
  1. Career Coaching: I’ve been noodling on Career Coaching for a while now and since I had time to kill in Connecticut, I did a consultation for it. During the last 5 years, I’ve worked at 3 of the top media companies but my title has remained the same. How can I work so hard and give so much to what I do, with the same title? Something ain’t right, and through career coaching I am ensuring that something is not me. I already know it’s not me but still want to do my due diligence. With career coaching, I want to position myself for the next level and I am excited to begin this journey and invest in myself because no-one else will. If you are searching for a career coach, check out who I am using for career coaching services: https://www.jesswass.com/.