Posts

Posted on

January 2024 Part 3

Let’s pivot to the good stuff, what I am reading, what I am watching, and what is top of mind for me:

READING

I am in a self-help, self-improvement era. The books I am reading are challenging me to have a growth mind-set vs. a fixed mindset. They are challenging me to search for purpose and identity. It is re-centering my relationship with God in all things.

This month I read Dare to Bloom by Zim Flores and Killing Comparison by Nona Jones.

In Dare to Bloom the book starts off by addressing the concept of purpose. We hear about purpose all the time, and historically I’ve thought about it as an all encompassing life purpose. Well Zim actually says there are two types of purpose. One that spans a lifetime and another that may span a season. I had never heard purpose broken down into a seasonal one but it immediately resonated with me. I am currently leaving a painful season in hopes that my next one will be filled with joy and blooming. Sharing a powerful quote from this book:

“In times like these it’s important that we don’t find ourselves desiring deliverance more than revelation. We just want the pain to stop. We want to jump to the place where we already have the success, the money, the prestige. We want this without the pain, discomfort, or effort. But wanting out too early, simply evades the process that God wants us to go through.It eliminates the growth we’ll experience if we stay the course.”

I picked up the book Killing Comparison because I am leaving a season where I have been comparing myself to others. Rejection from a promotional opportunity made me compare myself in a lot of ways. In reality, I was ready for the promotion, but due to so many changes, reorgs, and layoffs, I didn’t have the sponsors that could advocate for me. So what did I begin doing as a result? I compared myself. This person is further along in their career than me, and this person is doing xyz. Comparison is exhausting and it feels icky. Nona Jones writes so transparently about her own struggles with comparison and she is honest with the fact that even though she’s writing a book about it she still struggles with comparison to this day. She also reminds us that our identity needs to be rooted in God. Whenever you start comparing yourself to others she urges the reader to question “Why does it matter?” Below are a few powerful quotes and concepts from her book:

“Somewhere along the line I had surrendered my purpose for performative applause. “

“When we suffer from toxic comparison we identify people in our social circle who have an attainable degree of success. Once we have them in our line of sight we secure our identity to getting to where they are on the worthiness ruler. But anytime they advance ahead our identity feels threatened because their success moves them further out of reach.”

“Healthy comparison leads to inspiration”

WATCHING

Chile, I finished Black Cake the series on Hulu. I read the book last year and the series is phenomenal and very true to the book. This was one of the best book adaptations  I’ve ever seen. Black Cake synopsis is below:

Eleanor Bennett loses her battle with cancer, leaving her children a flash drive that holds untold stories of her journey from the Caribbean to America; the stories shock her children and challenge everything they know about their family’s origin.

Check out my Black Cake book review here:

Rustin

I had no idea who Bayard Rustin was until I watched the Rustin movie on Netflix. There are so many unsung heroes in our black history and he is one of them. I did not know he was the brains and machine around the March on Washington. He was brilliant. This is must-watch movie. Rustin’s synopsis is below:

Bayard Rustin, advisor to Martin Luther King Jr., dedicates his life to the quest for racial equality, human rights and worldwide democracy. However, as an openly gay Black man, he is all but erased from the civil rights movement he helped build.

What is top of mind for me this month:

  • I am thinking about the over 25,000 people that have died in Palestine since October and the over 2,000 killed in Israel and hundreds of hostages with families awaiting their return home and nothing is being done to cease fire and end this. I am thinking about the children, the women getting sexually assaulted, the displacement, the fear. I am praying for humanity and that we begin to see the value in life.
  • I am thinking about Dr. Bonnie and how much work needs to be done to improve workplace culture and people managers who do not know how to manage people.
  • I am thinking about the importance of truth tellers (e.g. Katt Williams) and how telling their truth exposes the toxic, manipulative, hypocritical, and gate keeping behavior of those we revere. 
  • I am thinking about the VSU Cheerleaders who look darn good almost 30-years later!!!
Posted on

January 2024 Part 2

When I finally got back home from Connecticut, it was crunch time. Black history month was around the corner and that is a huge focus for me in my current role. I am also in two weddings this year so my maid of honor duties and my bridesmaid duties are in full effect. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work! 

Tatiana by Chef Kwame Onwuachi was voted the #1 restaurant in New York in 2023. It’s so hard to get a reservation here. In a previous job, we invited Chef Kwame to speak at our speaker series when he released his memoir. To see his success since then is really cool. While celebrating my friend’s 27th birthday, who also happens to know one of the chef’s, I was finally able to experience the notorious Tatiana. Everything I had was delicious. The curried goat patties, rice and peas, and braised oxtails live in my mind and taste buds  rent free. I would love to go back, but…..I can’t get a reservation. 

One Friday morning, I was on LinkedIn when I saw this beautiful black woman who had a bald head accented by her almond shaped eyes and beautiful gold jewelry. Next to her name was a heartbreak emoji. I went down a comments rabbit hole trying to get a better understanding of why there was a heartbreak emoji next to her name. When the comments proved to be too ambiguous for me to understand, I googled her name and was horrified with what I discovered.Dr. Antoinette “Bonnie” Candia-Bailey died by suicide on January 8th. She suffered from severe anxiety and depression but this was exacerbated by her toxic workplace and bullying boss. Her cries for help were silenced. She was not given the support and resources to do her job and to advance in her career and it got so bad that she took her own life. As someone who has dealt with toxic work cultures and bosses throughout my career, I know how isolating this feeling is. I’ve always questioned the “real world.” Is it truly real if everyone is masquerading and performing? People get jobs, titles, and power and lose all common sense, allowing their ego to get in the way. It’s really sad to know that work cultures can kill. We all have a responsibility to be more empathetic and kind to each other.

Speaking of kindness in workplaces, I had a lunch with my friend Lauren who I met while looking for community engagement opportunities for work a few years ago. She told me that I inspired her to start her own business. I was shocked. It was a powerful revelation and a testament to showing up for one another in work spaces, building connections with people and never losing yourself in a job. Seeing Lauren take what she learned through her day job and become the CEO of her own business is a dream of mine and what she doesn’t know is that she inspired me to hopefully do the same one day. This was the perfect catch up date to end the month. 

Posted on

January 2024 Part 1

I haven’t written on my blog in two years, so first I want to say hello! I saw someone drop a newsletter recently and it seemed like a really cool thing to do but it’s also similar to blogging so I am jumping back on the wagon.

Even though I didn’t feel it at the time, I needed to be optimistic about 2024. The last couple of years have been hard, filled with grief, rejection, and uncertainty. I was sick of living in those feelings and realized that I had the power to choose whether this behavior continued or not. 

The New Year is one of my favorite holidays. It’s a time where we get to dress up in sequins and fur, drink champagne, and set goals. It’s so bougie and I love it. This new year, I spent it with my friend celebrating her 35th. We went to Public Hotel in the lower east side, where she rented out an igloo for the night. The best part of this experience was that she and her boyfriend cultivated a beautiful vibe. They went around the igloo and asked questions about our goals for the year, what habits are we keeping or leaving for the new year, and other really thought-provoking questions. The attendees were couples for the most part, some newly married, some married for twenty years. My boyfriend and I felt so good in that space and learned so much that night from everyone’s response. I didn’t realize until that moment how important it is to be around and learn from other couples. We are all just trying to make it work and while some people romanticize relationships, it’s hard work that need to be cultivated and fought for on a daily basis. 

The next day, I went to Connecticut where I spent the first two weeks of January. Connecticut is not for me. It was cold, snowing, dreary, and contrary to my city girl lifestyle. By day 9 I cracked and desperately wanted to go home. Me and the suburbs never worked out to be honest. However, since there is not much to do, I did get a lot of personal things done, some of which I share below:

  1. Primary Care Doctor Research: One of my top goals this year is my health. After loosing two family members to cancer, and watching their health decline, I believe it’s important to prioritize this. Previously, I was with a medical group that will remain nameless, but since they were acquired their care has declined. For years I had the most amazing Nurse Practitioner caring for me, who was technically trained to do similar care like a doctor and when she left, I was left with doctors who rushed me and could care less. One black woman doctor said (and I am paraphrasing), you may be looking for a black doctor but I am not it, I am not taking anymore patients. Her comment was jarring and made me feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong. So I decided to leave the medical group and searched for a black woman doctor who would not rush me, who would listen to me, and go on a journey with me. Doctor research is not easy. It requires time and patience. As a black woman searching for a black doctor, you can’t filter doctors by their race on insurance websites, so there is a lot of copying names from your insurance in-network options to google. I also like doing this because I can read reviews and the experiences of other patients. I like to focus on all reviews but I am always sure to check out the bad ones which unfortunately can be accurate. For some doctors, if their staff/receptionist are poor then the reviews will negatively impact them. Essentially, I created a list of doctors and ordered them in priority of who I liked most. Then called some of them to see who could get me in soon. Most doctors are booked honey. I had one doctor’s office tell me their next appointment was December 2024, I had to ask the receptionist again, did I understand that correctly? But with some prayer, I was able to get a doctors appointment in late February for a new doctor and I am very excited about this.
  1. Therapist Research: Similar to doctor’s research therapist research is a similar process. I search who is in-network and then I google them. However, I also have two secret weapons as resources in this search which is Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls. These sites let you filter based on insurance, location, virtual or in-person needs, religion, focus areas, and race. While the search for a new therapist is still ongoing for me (I have so many options and I am having a hard time choosing), my next step would be a consultation with the therapist to learn more and to see if they are a fit. I am hoping to complete this before Q1 is over. 
  1. Career Coaching: I’ve been noodling on Career Coaching for a while now and since I had time to kill in Connecticut, I did a consultation for it. During the last 5 years, I’ve worked at 3 of the top media companies but my title has remained the same. How can I work so hard and give so much to what I do, with the same title? Something ain’t right, and through career coaching I am ensuring that something is not me. I already know it’s not me but still want to do my due diligence. With career coaching, I want to position myself for the next level and I am excited to begin this journey and invest in myself because no-one else will. If you are searching for a career coach, check out who I am using for career coaching services: https://www.jesswass.com/.
Posted on

You’re Gifted Even During Times of Uncertainty

Sometimes I feel behind. I recently scored a new job, (thank you Jesus), but it was a lateral move as opposed to a promotional role, meaning I would remain the same title as opposed to a higher one. I felt insecure about it. While the opportunity is amazing, I feel like I am operating on a higher level than what my title reflects and should be validated as such. Also, some of my peers have advanced in a meteoric way and I don’t feel the same. At work I have a healthy culture, my mental health and well-being are prioritized and I love what I do but I don’t have the title. I confided in my best friend Myleka about it and she snapped me back into reality reminding me:

  1. I am anointed, which means I can’t operate how others do because I am here on assignment. I have a purpose in this work and while sometimes I don’t know what that is, I know that God wants to use me to build his kingdom, be a light in dark spaces, and help others.
  2. God’s timing is perfect, yes I may often feel like a late bloomer, but God uses those who people underestimate; so while I may still be at the same level for the past three years, there is something brewing and within his perfect time, it will be revealed.
  3. Look up, it seems that I’ve been looking to the left and right of me but not above. Seek God first and everything will fall into place.

Check out this recent sermon from T.D. Jakes entitled “The Bumpy Road to Better.” What resonated with me was that we all have gifts and should use them, even during times of famine, hard times, and uncertainty like Joseph did in the bible.

Posted on

I Miss Blogging : 2021 Life Update

I miss blogging. I miss writing. So I am going to start again. I haven’t written a blog since last March 2021. The death of my dad took a huge toll on me. I wore a cloud of grief over my head until Feb. 3rd, 2022. That was the one-year anniversary of the passing of my dad and also the time I declared, no more sadness. I wanted to get back to me and mean it. 

Last year was like a twilight zone. Most days I felt disconnected from myself like I was in a warped reality. I pushed myself to start a new life without my dad but it never felt authentic. Yes, I was traveling, buying new designer bags, adjusting to my new neighborhood, but it all just felt blah. No true substance. The reality is material things cannot fill the huge void of losing a loved one who is significant to you. 

Things began to shift in July 2021. I was miserable at work and needed to quit my job. I worked in a culture that was toxic. Gaslighting was on a high and I wanted out. I was also being told I wasn’t ready for more. The reality was, I was more than ready and I was more than good enough. I was disappointed in “my bosses.” They would never be capable of managing and grooming me no matter how hard I worked and my desire to quit was more of a reflection of their leadership.

I had a friend and colleague who saw my potential and leveraged her own pivot into a new company. She pretty much took me along with her. It was divine. I got a great salary, good benefits, and more. It took some time to realize the offer I was getting because everything last year was so weird, but once I did, I danced like no tomorrow. The only problem left for me to handle was getting up the courage to put in my two weeks notice. Who knew that was so hard. I had to use a script and write mantras with lipstick on my mirror because I knew my team wouldn’t take it well and I wanted to be prepared for this awkward conversation. Won’t go into the particulars but my exit experience was distasteful. While I was hurt, I was finally free!

Me the day before I quit.
Me the day after I quit.

I had a month off to reflect and heal but to be honest I don’t think I healed much during that time. There was too much to process. Yet, it was nice to be like Tommy, with no job. I cooked, cleaned, got everything I was procrastinating to get done, done; I went to Fort Greene Park to read, sold clothes on Poshmark, and just lived a carefree life for a month. I ended the time with a trip to Turks and Caicos with my mom and cousins. Turks and Caicos is one of the most beautiful islands in the world. The water is so serene and clear. I literally stayed in the water for 12 hours one day and when I finally got on the shore it felt like I was still in waves, borderline seasick on land. I needed that time with my mom. We released a lot of pain in the water and had a good time. 

When I returned back to the States, I had a non-covid cough that would stay with me until October, (it was horrible) but most importantly, I had a new job awaiting. I really love my new team and I am so happy I took that leap of faith and made the pivot. 

Other highlights from 2021 included getting Ginger and my mom got her brother Blaze. In April 2021, we took a road trip to Pennsylvania for our beautiful mini poodles. They were so cute and continue to be both a blessing and a distraction from our grief because of how mischievous they are. Who knew puppies were so much work? I also hosted Christmas in my apartment for the first time which was so fun. We had cool drinks with LED lights, cheeseburger sliders, games, and catered food from “The Door” a Jamaican restaurant in Queens. 

My skin journey went downhill last year. I started using Rihanna’s Fenty Skin and I have never seen my skin in such a bad shape. Burning sensations, red face, cystic pimples, acne, it was horrifying. I will never use that product again; it does not work for me. 

My hair journey was okay, I am just continuing to grow my hair after I shaved it in 2020.

My book journey also went downhill. I didn’t finish more than 5 books last year. Who has time to read when you’re grieving? 

I am sure I am forgetting a ton, but that was my year in a nutshell. There were some lows and some highs, but hey, it’s all a part of life right?

Posted on

A Woman’s Worth

My friend Shakema K, called me last week and asked me to be on her talk show Spread Love The Christian Way in which the conversation would address a Woman’s Worth. To be honest, I was shook and while inside of me wanted to say I may not be the best person to talk about worth as I am in an extremely weird space and not feeling very worthy in this season, another part of me was saying, you have to do this! Boy am I glad that I moved forward with this opportunity. Not only was I reminded of my own journey of discovering my worth (and was able to share stories that I somewhat buried), but I received so many gems during this conversation to motivate and remind me that my worth doesn’t lie in how humans view me, it aligns with how God views me. I needed that reminder to keep me going. It’s a special thing to watch women talk about worth. I hope this is an encouragement to you. SUPPORT Shakema’s talk show by subscribing to be in the know for future episodes. Also shout out to my co-panelist Jewel Gibson whose story is beyond powerful.

Posted on

Time to Heal, Time to Bloom

Today I cried in my dad’s suit because it smelled like him. I embraced it and felt the embrace back. After weeks of trying to get back to being fine, it felt good just to feel in that moment. 

March should be my favorite month of the year. It’s my birthday month. It’s the first day of spring and new beginnings. It’s Women’s History Month. But I am filled with ambivalence. I am learning that there’s a time to heal and a time to bloom.

This month marks one whole year of being in quarantine due to COVID-19. While quarantine initially started out as a mental health savior, I never thought I would’ve lost a dog and a parent during this time. 

This month also brought to the forefront the Anti-Asian violence that’s going on in this country. I checked in on my Asian friends but sometimes I don’t feel like that’s enough. Work is back in full swing. The great thing about it is that they are taking their time with me as I transition back into my role following my month long bereavement leave. 

On a positive note, I celebrated another birthday. My friend Shadesha took me to dinner at Kokomo. It was the first time I’ve been out on the town in a very long time. For my actual birthday, I had a few friends over. We drank Moscato and Henny, my friend Nkese also bought me henny cupcakes, and we played Culture Tags. All-in-all, it was a really good night. The next day my friend Kadia spent the day with me and we watched the Crown on Netflix, now I am hooked. The following day (my birthday was on a Friday), my boyfriend and I had a date day in Jersey City. He tried to take me to a nice restaurant, but I’m basic, Red Lobster please! My friend Jordan, donated to JASA for my birthday, which is an organization that supports senior citizens, yall know I love the elderly. That was such a thoughtful gift. My other friends came together to buy me a portrait of my dad and Charlie. It was so sweet. 

Other wins this month, I had a major breakthrough in therapy. Everyone should have a therapist! I am helping my mom remodel my brother’s room, he doesn’t read this blog and he has no idea, he’s currently on vacation but when he gets home, I hope he loves it. I am getting a dog, yes a cute little mini poodle to help me deal. I don’t want Charlie, my first baby to feel some kind of way, but I am ready for a puppy to love. I am so excited. My bookstagram is almost at 1,000 followers, Follow @booksbyky on Instagram and support your girl. This month I went to different murals and took some photos of my books, they came out cute. 

My hair journey is weird. After cutting my hair off, I don’t regret it but I don’t like it. My skin journey is going well. It’s clearing up some. 

All-in-All I am looking forward to what’s ahead. Until next month!

Posted on

The End of an Era

My life as I know it will never be the same. Back in April 2020, I decided I would write about my quarantine experience every month. However, I haven’t written since November because life…The last three months of my life have changed me. Here’s how: 

November 2020

I moved out on my own. I watched an ungodly amount of HGTV and spent hours upon hours on the websites of Amazon, Ikea, Wayfair, Ashley Furniture, and more, searching for decor inspiration. I also consumed The Home Edit on Netflix for organizational ideas. My dad was a huge cheerleader in me leaving the nest. He took me furniture shopping and is the reason I have the blue couch in my living room. It was an adjustment. Living alone is lonely, there’s a lot of quiet time, but it’s also liberating. I can light candles, without someone telling me to be careful; I can delay washing dishes, without someone insisting that I should;  I can even dance like no-one is watching, because no one is watching; I am alone. It’s lonely. I sometimes miss my family but  It is such a powerful thing to live solo and I urge people to do so at least once in their life. While I do get scared (I am the ultimate scaredy cat), I enjoy it and I am emboldened by this independence. I can check moving out off my goals list. 

November 2020-February 2021

Cancer is a horrific disease. I’ve heard my mom use the word demonic when describing it, and yet, my dad and another close family member who does not want to be disclosed, suffers/suffered from it. From November to January, my dad was in and out of Mount Sinai Hospital. My mom was the primary caregiver. She was by his side every single day. I saw the brokenness in her face. The tiredness. The faith. In my dad, I saw the pain. The suffering. The faith. I come from a family of faith. We believe in Jesus Christ the healer, the provider, and the savior. Not once did the faith of my family ever waiver. 

I struggled. I struggled with ambivalence. With fear. With anxiety. I didn’t want to see how bad it was really getting. How skinny he was getting. His mind going. His pain intensifying. Yet and still, I had faith. I truly believed God would bring him through. Maybe I used my faith as a distractor or a coping mechanism, but I needed to believe he would make it. Maybe that’s why I was able to compartmentalize. 

The beeping of the hospital reign loud in my head. Sometimes I miss it because it represents him still being there, still fighting. I can lay on his stomach and hear it go up and down and know he’s still on this earth. I can hold his hands and feel the warmth of it’s embrace around my own. I remember, on MLK day, I fell down the train station stairs on the way to the hospital and as I was telling the nurse, my dad awoke from his nap and said “My daughter is so clumsy.” He laughed and it felt good to know that he understood me even in such a vulnerable moment. The following weekend, my dad as I knew him would never be the same. While in the ICU, I remember looking up at the board that showcases the age and condition for everyone in the unit; ages ranging from 44-99. I remember thinking to myself, he’s the second youngest here and you’re going to take him God? He’s only 57. But life is so randomized. There are people who live to 109 and people who live for 9-hours. You just never know. The term life is short hits different now.

On February 3rd at 11:17 PM, my dad passed away with a smile on his face. He was surrounded by love – we were with him until the very end. We let him listen to his favorite songs, both oldies and gospel. One of my best friends stayed on the phone with me throughout. I consider the smile he left us as a gift. While I am sure he saw his loved ones on the other side including his mother, sister, and our dog Charlie, I feel blessed to know that he was happy. His smile was bright. His teeth were showing. I immediately had peace. We all did. 

My dad was a creative. He was the first insight I had into an entrepreneur. He lived and breathed media and production. He was a content creator. He walked around with a camera bag when he had to do shoots. He was self-taught. He was the king of corny dad jokes. He loved when people made assumptions about him so he could prove them wrong. Most times he did. Sometimes he didn’t. He was the Tenant Association President for my former apartment building. During the pandemic he did so many amazing things for the community including free groceries for seniors. He was kind. He was a mentor. Many people considered him a father figure. He was multifaceted. He was complex. That’s what made him so unique. 

In the last three months I moved out, lost my dad to Stage 4 Cancer, helped plan a funeral for the first time, and took almost a month off from a very high pressure job to process it all. But I now know that on the other side of all of this pain, grief, and loss is a breakthrough. God has given my family supernatural strength to handle this situation and I plan to heal and come out on the other side better than ever before because my dad would not have it any other way. 

Posted on

History Making Election

Getty Images

In 2016, I still remember the feeling of trauma, disappointment, and fear that I felt when Trump was declared President of the United States. A man accused of racism, sexism, sexual assault, mocking disabled people, stereotyping Mexicans as rapists and so much more, was now the president. Would we survive? What would become of us as a nation? My heart couldn’t take it and I decided to just ignore the news, ignore the fact he was President and proceed with my life, business as usual. I am going to talk further about the irony of business as usual, but I want to highlight that I blamed myself for Trump’s win. I didn’t do anything to help Hilary’s campaign, I assumed that following the Obama years, we were progressive enough as a country not to even consider President Trump. Granted, people did not like Hillary Clinton, but I honestly thought that because Trump proved how unfit and un-American he was during his campaign, people would see that too. So I counted on my vote counting; assumed that everyone else voted for Hillary too, walked away from that voting booth with confidence that we were going to have our first woman president. However, I was left with pie on my face later that night when the results said otherwise. It was devastating to me as a black woman because I felt neglected by this country. I didn’t feel seen. I felt like America was choosing to uphold the system of white supremacy and racism over me and others that looked like me. My spirit was broken. Business as usual was my only means of coping. I can count on one hand how many times I watched the news while Trump was in office, I even remember one time a few years into his administration hearing a news reporter say President Donald Trump, and I had a weird moment where I had to remind myself oh yeah, he’s president…but why?

While I tried to live in a bubble of not acknowledging Trump as my president, or as I mentioned earlier business as usual, it was impossible. I couldn’t shake hearing what was going on in the world during his administration. Immigrants desperately afraid of ICE who would deport them; Children in cages, separated from their parents some getting sexually abused, which is absolutely deplorable; Dream Act, which grants residency and the right to work to immigrants who entered the country as minors at the risk of being revoked. Certain countries in the Middle East and Africa such as Iran and Somalia were a part of Trump’s Travel Ban, denied access into the United States, possibly because of their Muslim affiliation; Executive orders which revoked many rights that the Obama administration put forth including climate reform; His silence when it came to social justice issues such as the murder of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and others who passed away during his presidency spoke volumes to where he stood on these issues and how much he cared about blacks and their struggles, but worst of all, his support of white supremacists, right-wing groups.

His whole presidency was filled with lies, misinformation, fake news, bullying and scandal. But people didn’t seem to be phased by it until COVID-19. After looking at how close the race was, I now see that he could’ve been our next President. However, his recklessness during the pandemic where over 200,000 Americans were killed was probably the final straw for undecided voters. I think democrats were over him from the beginning but those who were undecided probably were impacted by how insensitive and reckless he was being during this crisis. He didn’t care that we were in a pandemic, he still held rallies and turned a blind eye to his base not wearing masks and social distancing, he also rarely wore masks until he became a victim of COVID-19 and even then, he pulled a stunt possibly endangering the secret service when he went on a joy ride to wave hello to his fans outside of his hospital. The Trump’s years is absolutely insane when you really think about it.

But as the age old saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. So I will acknowledge the good things that came out of a Trump presidency:

#MeTooMovement: Grab them by the P***y, Trump once said and it opened up the flood gates to an insidious issue of sexual harassment and sexual assault that has been going on behind closed doors in Hollywood, record labels, at major fortune 500 companies, and media networks around the nation. Men (and some women) were exposed for being sexual harassers to women (and men) in the workplace. Prominent men around the nation was fired from their jobs and some received jail time for their heinous actions. It almost felt like a witch hunt but it made me proud. As someone who experienced sexual harassment in the workplace, I understand how uncomfortable and powerless it feels to endure that kind of trauma and I always wondered why it was such a silenced issue. How I coped was I wrote a script about it. I never produced it but writing has always been my refuge. I did feel somewhat redeemed watching justice being served to those individuals who abused their power and influence.

Black Lives Matter Movement: When we went into quarantine I remember having a thought in the back of my head, but I shook it out because it was dark…nightmarish even. Literally, the next day on March 13th, Breonna Taylor was senselessly killed by police officers. Also Ahmaud Arbery, was killed for jogging in his Georgia neighborhood, and then George Floyd, with a knee in his neck, screaming to live, telling officers he could not breathe, was murdered by police officers; it was one of the most dehumanizing deaths I’ve ever seen. My nightmarish thought had become a reality. Even during a pandemic, black lives were killed senselessly; we were not even protected sheltering in place. How is that possible? Surprisingly, people took notice. Businesses took notice. Finally, America seemed to be outraged. Finally, people realized systemic racism was an issue and something had to be done. Finally, Finally, Finally. While Trump didn’t actually denounce those deaths, Americans realized he was a part of the problem. Racism is pervasive and has to be uprooted. We can no longer turn a blind eye to it. We have to acknowledge it and having a racist president in office only heightened it. We can’t get comfortable.

Fortunately, for us, Trump’s presidency made some of us realize how much change needed to happen and fast. We had a reality star as President, and while people thought that was cute most Americans knew the integrity of our democracy was at stake. Saturday, November 7th was the best day of 2020. After a very harsh year filled with death, grief, disappointment, you name it, we collectively came together to push America back in a direction that our Grandchildren will hopefully thank us for. It will take a lot of work, to get back on track, and we have to hold those in power accountable but we now have Kamala Harris, a Black Woman as Vice President and Joe Biden, a compassionate, integral, career politician as President, and after the last four years we are grateful. The work doesn’t end at voting; I learned that in 2016 and I learned that this year as well. I joined the Biden/Harris campaign and made calls to the battleground states. I was cursed out, hung up on, and sent straight to voicemail, but I was also able to talk to Americans who were genuinely grateful for my call. Some senior citizens didn’t know where their polling place was and I was able to help them. It was such a powerful experience that I will continue to take part in because it’s my civic duty and I never want to feel as powerless as I felt the day after Trump won. What a difference 4-years make because today I woke up with a sense of peace and security. It felt so good to know that as Americans, we came to our senses and that Black women as usual, played a huge part in saving our democracy. Let’s celebrate now but we have major work to do.