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Life Update February 2024 Part 3

Let’s pivot to the good stuff, what I am reading, what I am watching, and what is top of mind for me:

READING

I read one of the best non-fiction books “Sisterhood Heals.” I was really looking for a book that captured the essence of sisterhood and this book made my heart swell with joy because it did just that. See my full review on this book below:

I went to a Black Girl Book Fair (I will not say the name of it) this month and to be honest I was a little disappointed. When I think book fair I think Scholastic book fairs from elementary school where there were tons of books you can choose from and purchase on the spot or order from a catalogue. I remember when I received my books, it was better than Christmas. I expected the same kind of vibes but this was not that. The venue was odd and when I finally found the location, it was a small room with a few vendors, who were selling everything but books. There was an author doing a talk but it just felt like a complete waste of my time. I am going to have grace though. They are just starting out and it may be their first year so I wish them well but I also wish the promotion was not so misleading.

WATCHING

Abbott Elementary is one of the best, funny, wholesome shows on television. I love the whole cast and really believe the show is unmatched. I wish Gregory and Janine would date already geesh!

Genius: MLK/X is fascinating. It will never get old learning about Malcom X and MLK. The casting is superb and I am also learning new things about these two figures I never knew before (at least about MLK). 

Mea Culpa was okay….it had the grounds of being really good but the ending was just underdeveloped, unrealistic, and rushed to me. Oh well, maybe next time Tyler.

The Vince Staples show was cool. Not the best thing in the world but I enjoyed the bank episode.

TOP OF MIND FOR ME

Wendy Williams

Wendy Williams is a hot topic but something will not let me watch this documentary as yet. I am praying for her health and healing. I really love Wendy and I am also sad for her. 

Monique on Club Shay Shay

I love Monique but this interview of her trying to convince the world she’s not difficult to work with showed me that she probably is difficult to work with. However, I believe truth tellers are very brave and they are courageously speaking out against wrong doing and wrong doers, and I believe we have to protect them at all costs. 

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February 2024 Life Update Part 2

With valentines day consuming the first half of the month, Sam and I did a date night at Brooklyn Beso. I was also doing some location scouting since I spent most of the month planning my 35th Birthday party. Brooklyn Beso had delish (yet very strong drinks) and I had the most delish lobster and shrimp pasta. Sam had vegan tacos which was tasty and we of course went for happy hour which meant two for one drinks, but on a school night meant we left one of the drinks at the table because we are not about that life. The vibes were made complete with old school Drake playing in the background. I miss the old drake he was my favorite, but I don’t know what’s going on with him now.

For valentines day Sam sent me a bouquet of colorful roses, which was a complete surprise, it arrived early on February 13th and to be honest I’ve been working so much that I didn’t realize it was valentines day the next day (so sad). 

I am turning 35 in March, woohoo, so I’ve had my head down planning my party which although I’ve been planning it since July 2023, I officially confirmed that I was actually going to move forward with the party in January 2024. That left me less than two month to plan something epic, no pressure. The first book I read in January was called Dare to Bloom. It had such a lasting impact on me that I decided to host a “Kydee Bloom Season 35th Birthday Party” in which a floral arrangement workshop would be the focal point of the event. I was very intentional about planning this party which I will share all the details in an upcoming post. Black-owned, black-women owned, and women owned businesses and vendors were prioritized for my event. Not only was my birthday taking place during Women’s History Month, but I am a stark advocate for supporting black-owned and diverse-owned businesses who don’t have the same level of access and representation as others.

Some of the fun parts about planning my birthday included shopping for the perfect outfit. My birthday happens at that weird time in the year for fashion where its about a couple of weeks before the spring/summer cute outfits come out for the season, so I usually have the dreary winter outfits to work with which means I must search extra hard for cute outfits. I ended up wearing a black-owned designer Hanifa, but that was not on purposes, I was open to any designer and any outfit that said “Birthday Girl” without having to say it and made me feel good. I bought several outfits and will share in an upcoming birthday post about the overall process. For now, check out my outfit mood board below.

I went cake tasting at BCake Ny a black-woman owned bakery that I have been purchasing my cakes from for the last 3 years. This time I decided to do a cake tasting to see if there were any other cake tasting flavors I liked over my typical vanilla or Hennessy. The cake tasting experience was so fun. I got to choose from an array of flavors (my choices) which included red velvet, blue velvet, strawberry, chocolate and I threw in another Hennessy flavor to see if I wanted that again. All of them tasted great. Strawberry and chocolate was a strong consideration but I ended up going with the red velvet. After I decided on a flavor, the manager helped me design my cake which would be floral design. I shared my birthday party invite and she was so inspired by it that she designed such a beautiful cake. Can’t wait to share the big reveal of what we concocted that day.

A Little Day Brunch is a company that my former colleague turned Brooklyn friend owns. She hosted a Black Joy Brunch for the month of February and it was one of the best brunches I’ve ever been to. I really wish I had someone to come with me and experience the magic. While there I met an amazing photographer Damora who took the most flattering photos of me. She made me feel confident and beautiful and I knew I had to work with her somehow, in the future.

The brunch was a four course meal made by Chef Lauren Von Der Pool and her team. Chef Lauren curated the menu for the MET gala which made our time in community with her extra special. The vibes and music for the event really made for a great experience. I felt like those ladies of leisure who just brunch because they are rich and have nothing else to do. I am wondering how I can make this my lifestyle, a life of leisure…did anyone say early retirement?

My health is a priority this year. I visited a new PCP doctor after doing research in January and let me tell you, it’s so important to do research. For context, I went to another doctor the month before and before I could even be seen I ran out of the facility. Something didn’t feel right. So going back to my list of doctors, I did some more research, looking at comments, reviews, specialities, and chose this one and so far so good. She’s thorough and while she seems no nonsense, I can tell she genuinely cares.

To close out the month I went to Connecticut to visit Sam. It was me and Ginger’s first time taking the train and to be honest I didn’t know what to expect. I bought Ginger a dog bag with wheels in hopes it would make travel a little more seamless but the wheels gave in before we got to Grand Central Station. I had to carry her on my suitcase.

Besides that little mishap we had a smooth ride to Connecticut and Sam was waiting for us at the train station. I will say my time in Connecticut was a little better this time than the last time but I am still not convinced about that state. Me and Sam tried food from a local vegan spot that has some West Indian / Ital vibes called Fire N Spice. We enjoyed their breakfast the most, they had delicious tofu scramble, pepper and onions sausages, and cheese burger patties, YUM! 

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February 2024 Life Update Part 1

Black history month is such a powerful and exhilarating time for me. This month, I decided to do activities that allowed me to honor the legacy of my people while simultaneously trying something new. 

To kick off the month I attended an art class inspired by Alma Thomas. The art class was hosted by The Art Club East Village which is owned by passionate women artists. I first fell in love with Alma Thomas while at the Brooklyn Museum. She creates bright, bold and colorful artwork, some of which are inspired by florals. What I also admired about Alma Thomas was that she was an educator that started her art career later in life. She was the first black woman to have a solo exhibition at the Whitney Museum. Her abstract art is striking and many years ago before I knew a class like this existed, I tried to imitate her art while painting for leisure. This turned out to be a special night for me. I came out of my shell and did something I knew I would really enjoy.

“I’ve never bothered painting the ugly things in life. People struggling, having difficulty. You meet that when you go out, and then you have to come back and see the same thing hanging on the wall. No. I wanted something beautiful that you could sit down and look at. And then, the paintings change you.” – Alma Thomas

In the name of art and culture I needed to visit the Spike Lee exhibit before it ended. Two days after the Alma Thomas art workshop I visited the Brooklyn Museum to get engulfed in all things SPIKE. It was like an inside look into his mind, creativity, and passions. The exhibit explored history, politics, race, culture, and all things Brooklyn. The portrait he has in his art collection of Toni Morrison is captivating. He has one of the last photos of Denise McNair, one of the four little girls who was killed in the church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama in 1963. He also directed the documentary “4 Little Girls” about the incident which was something new that I learned while at the exhibit. I left on a high motivated to create but also with so much pride. Brooklyn is the birth place to creative geniuses like Spike who is one of my local heroes and creative inspirations. 

Ginger turned 3 years old this month. Being a dog mom is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It is truly a blessing. I love Ginger and I am so grateful she’s my pup baby. To celebrate her big three birthday, I bought decorations for the house and kept up with the tradition of taking her to Starbucks, she is obsessed with her pup cups. Later that evening Ginger’s twin brother Blaze came over with my mom, and we hosted a Super Bowl party(or shall I say Usherbowl party) for them since it was the same day. 

Can we talk about the Usher half-time show? It was one of my favorites. I saw Usher in concert many years ago during his confessions era, which to me was peak Usher, but I am loving this evolved version of Usher. The half time show and subsequently listening to Confessions for the following two weeks on repeat, brought back so many memories, from high school. I remember I held out on listening to the “Confessions” album until one of my friends urged me to do so one day in school and it became one of the most pivotal and legendary albums during my coming of age era. I remember this was the album we were blasting during my 15th birthday in my bedroom (yes a bunch of friends and I gathered in my bedroom when I wasn’t allowed to go to the skating rink). Usher is a lege-[]nd!

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January 2024 Part 3

Let’s pivot to the good stuff, what I am reading, what I am watching, and what is top of mind for me:

READING

I am in a self-help, self-improvement era. The books I am reading are challenging me to have a growth mind-set vs. a fixed mindset. They are challenging me to search for purpose and identity. It is re-centering my relationship with God in all things.

This month I read Dare to Bloom by Zim Flores and Killing Comparison by Nona Jones.

In Dare to Bloom the book starts off by addressing the concept of purpose. We hear about purpose all the time, and historically I’ve thought about it as an all encompassing life purpose. Well Zim actually says there are two types of purpose. One that spans a lifetime and another that may span a season. I had never heard purpose broken down into a seasonal one but it immediately resonated with me. I am currently leaving a painful season in hopes that my next one will be filled with joy and blooming. Sharing a powerful quote from this book:

“In times like these it’s important that we don’t find ourselves desiring deliverance more than revelation. We just want the pain to stop. We want to jump to the place where we already have the success, the money, the prestige. We want this without the pain, discomfort, or effort. But wanting out too early, simply evades the process that God wants us to go through.It eliminates the growth we’ll experience if we stay the course.”

I picked up the book Killing Comparison because I am leaving a season where I have been comparing myself to others. Rejection from a promotional opportunity made me compare myself in a lot of ways. In reality, I was ready for the promotion, but due to so many changes, reorgs, and layoffs, I didn’t have the sponsors that could advocate for me. So what did I begin doing as a result? I compared myself. This person is further along in their career than me, and this person is doing xyz. Comparison is exhausting and it feels icky. Nona Jones writes so transparently about her own struggles with comparison and she is honest with the fact that even though she’s writing a book about it she still struggles with comparison to this day. She also reminds us that our identity needs to be rooted in God. Whenever you start comparing yourself to others she urges the reader to question “Why does it matter?” Below are a few powerful quotes and concepts from her book:

“Somewhere along the line I had surrendered my purpose for performative applause. “

“When we suffer from toxic comparison we identify people in our social circle who have an attainable degree of success. Once we have them in our line of sight we secure our identity to getting to where they are on the worthiness ruler. But anytime they advance ahead our identity feels threatened because their success moves them further out of reach.”

“Healthy comparison leads to inspiration”

WATCHING

Chile, I finished Black Cake the series on Hulu. I read the book last year and the series is phenomenal and very true to the book. This was one of the best book adaptations  I’ve ever seen. Black Cake synopsis is below:

Eleanor Bennett loses her battle with cancer, leaving her children a flash drive that holds untold stories of her journey from the Caribbean to America; the stories shock her children and challenge everything they know about their family’s origin.

Check out my Black Cake book review here:

Rustin

I had no idea who Bayard Rustin was until I watched the Rustin movie on Netflix. There are so many unsung heroes in our black history and he is one of them. I did not know he was the brains and machine around the March on Washington. He was brilliant. This is must-watch movie. Rustin’s synopsis is below:

Bayard Rustin, advisor to Martin Luther King Jr., dedicates his life to the quest for racial equality, human rights and worldwide democracy. However, as an openly gay Black man, he is all but erased from the civil rights movement he helped build.

What is top of mind for me this month:

  • I am thinking about the over 25,000 people that have died in Palestine since October and the over 2,000 killed in Israel and hundreds of hostages with families awaiting their return home and nothing is being done to cease fire and end this. I am thinking about the children, the women getting sexually assaulted, the displacement, the fear. I am praying for humanity and that we begin to see the value in life.
  • I am thinking about Dr. Bonnie and how much work needs to be done to improve workplace culture and people managers who do not know how to manage people.
  • I am thinking about the importance of truth tellers (e.g. Katt Williams) and how telling their truth exposes the toxic, manipulative, hypocritical, and gate keeping behavior of those we revere. 
  • I am thinking about the VSU Cheerleaders who look darn good almost 30-years later!!!
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January 2024 Part 2

When I finally got back home from Connecticut, it was crunch time. Black history month was around the corner and that is a huge focus for me in my current role. I am also in two weddings this year so my maid of honor duties and my bridesmaid duties are in full effect. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work! 

Tatiana by Chef Kwame Onwuachi was voted the #1 restaurant in New York in 2023. It’s so hard to get a reservation here. In a previous job, we invited Chef Kwame to speak at our speaker series when he released his memoir. To see his success since then is really cool. While celebrating my friend’s 27th birthday, who also happens to know one of the chef’s, I was finally able to experience the notorious Tatiana. Everything I had was delicious. The curried goat patties, rice and peas, and braised oxtails live in my mind and taste buds  rent free. I would love to go back, but…..I can’t get a reservation. 

One Friday morning, I was on LinkedIn when I saw this beautiful black woman who had a bald head accented by her almond shaped eyes and beautiful gold jewelry. Next to her name was a heartbreak emoji. I went down a comments rabbit hole trying to get a better understanding of why there was a heartbreak emoji next to her name. When the comments proved to be too ambiguous for me to understand, I googled her name and was horrified with what I discovered.Dr. Antoinette “Bonnie” Candia-Bailey died by suicide on January 8th. She suffered from severe anxiety and depression but this was exacerbated by her toxic workplace and bullying boss. Her cries for help were silenced. She was not given the support and resources to do her job and to advance in her career and it got so bad that she took her own life. As someone who has dealt with toxic work cultures and bosses throughout my career, I know how isolating this feeling is. I’ve always questioned the “real world.” Is it truly real if everyone is masquerading and performing? People get jobs, titles, and power and lose all common sense, allowing their ego to get in the way. It’s really sad to know that work cultures can kill. We all have a responsibility to be more empathetic and kind to each other.

Speaking of kindness in workplaces, I had a lunch with my friend Lauren who I met while looking for community engagement opportunities for work a few years ago. She told me that I inspired her to start her own business. I was shocked. It was a powerful revelation and a testament to showing up for one another in work spaces, building connections with people and never losing yourself in a job. Seeing Lauren take what she learned through her day job and become the CEO of her own business is a dream of mine and what she doesn’t know is that she inspired me to hopefully do the same one day. This was the perfect catch up date to end the month. 

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January 2024 Part 1

I haven’t written on my blog in two years, so first I want to say hello! I saw someone drop a newsletter recently and it seemed like a really cool thing to do but it’s also similar to blogging so I am jumping back on the wagon.

Even though I didn’t feel it at the time, I needed to be optimistic about 2024. The last couple of years have been hard, filled with grief, rejection, and uncertainty. I was sick of living in those feelings and realized that I had the power to choose whether this behavior continued or not. 

The New Year is one of my favorite holidays. It’s a time where we get to dress up in sequins and fur, drink champagne, and set goals. It’s so bougie and I love it. This new year, I spent it with my friend celebrating her 35th. We went to Public Hotel in the lower east side, where she rented out an igloo for the night. The best part of this experience was that she and her boyfriend cultivated a beautiful vibe. They went around the igloo and asked questions about our goals for the year, what habits are we keeping or leaving for the new year, and other really thought-provoking questions. The attendees were couples for the most part, some newly married, some married for twenty years. My boyfriend and I felt so good in that space and learned so much that night from everyone’s response. I didn’t realize until that moment how important it is to be around and learn from other couples. We are all just trying to make it work and while some people romanticize relationships, it’s hard work that need to be cultivated and fought for on a daily basis. 

The next day, I went to Connecticut where I spent the first two weeks of January. Connecticut is not for me. It was cold, snowing, dreary, and contrary to my city girl lifestyle. By day 9 I cracked and desperately wanted to go home. Me and the suburbs never worked out to be honest. However, since there is not much to do, I did get a lot of personal things done, some of which I share below:

  1. Primary Care Doctor Research: One of my top goals this year is my health. After loosing two family members to cancer, and watching their health decline, I believe it’s important to prioritize this. Previously, I was with a medical group that will remain nameless, but since they were acquired their care has declined. For years I had the most amazing Nurse Practitioner caring for me, who was technically trained to do similar care like a doctor and when she left, I was left with doctors who rushed me and could care less. One black woman doctor said (and I am paraphrasing), you may be looking for a black doctor but I am not it, I am not taking anymore patients. Her comment was jarring and made me feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong. So I decided to leave the medical group and searched for a black woman doctor who would not rush me, who would listen to me, and go on a journey with me. Doctor research is not easy. It requires time and patience. As a black woman searching for a black doctor, you can’t filter doctors by their race on insurance websites, so there is a lot of copying names from your insurance in-network options to google. I also like doing this because I can read reviews and the experiences of other patients. I like to focus on all reviews but I am always sure to check out the bad ones which unfortunately can be accurate. For some doctors, if their staff/receptionist are poor then the reviews will negatively impact them. Essentially, I created a list of doctors and ordered them in priority of who I liked most. Then called some of them to see who could get me in soon. Most doctors are booked honey. I had one doctor’s office tell me their next appointment was December 2024, I had to ask the receptionist again, did I understand that correctly? But with some prayer, I was able to get a doctors appointment in late February for a new doctor and I am very excited about this.
  1. Therapist Research: Similar to doctor’s research therapist research is a similar process. I search who is in-network and then I google them. However, I also have two secret weapons as resources in this search which is Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls. These sites let you filter based on insurance, location, virtual or in-person needs, religion, focus areas, and race. While the search for a new therapist is still ongoing for me (I have so many options and I am having a hard time choosing), my next step would be a consultation with the therapist to learn more and to see if they are a fit. I am hoping to complete this before Q1 is over. 
  1. Career Coaching: I’ve been noodling on Career Coaching for a while now and since I had time to kill in Connecticut, I did a consultation for it. During the last 5 years, I’ve worked at 3 of the top media companies but my title has remained the same. How can I work so hard and give so much to what I do, with the same title? Something ain’t right, and through career coaching I am ensuring that something is not me. I already know it’s not me but still want to do my due diligence. With career coaching, I want to position myself for the next level and I am excited to begin this journey and invest in myself because no-one else will. If you are searching for a career coach, check out who I am using for career coaching services: https://www.jesswass.com/.
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You’re Gifted Even During Times of Uncertainty

Sometimes I feel behind. I recently scored a new job, (thank you Jesus), but it was a lateral move as opposed to a promotional role, meaning I would remain the same title as opposed to a higher one. I felt insecure about it. While the opportunity is amazing, I feel like I am operating on a higher level than what my title reflects and should be validated as such. Also, some of my peers have advanced in a meteoric way and I don’t feel the same. At work I have a healthy culture, my mental health and well-being are prioritized and I love what I do but I don’t have the title. I confided in my best friend Myleka about it and she snapped me back into reality reminding me:

  1. I am anointed, which means I can’t operate how others do because I am here on assignment. I have a purpose in this work and while sometimes I don’t know what that is, I know that God wants to use me to build his kingdom, be a light in dark spaces, and help others.
  2. God’s timing is perfect, yes I may often feel like a late bloomer, but God uses those who people underestimate; so while I may still be at the same level for the past three years, there is something brewing and within his perfect time, it will be revealed.
  3. Look up, it seems that I’ve been looking to the left and right of me but not above. Seek God first and everything will fall into place.

Check out this recent sermon from T.D. Jakes entitled “The Bumpy Road to Better.” What resonated with me was that we all have gifts and should use them, even during times of famine, hard times, and uncertainty like Joseph did in the bible.

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I Miss Blogging : 2021 Life Update

I miss blogging. I miss writing. So I am going to start again. I haven’t written a blog since last March 2021. The death of my dad took a huge toll on me. I wore a cloud of grief over my head until Feb. 3rd, 2022. That was the one-year anniversary of the passing of my dad and also the time I declared, no more sadness. I wanted to get back to me and mean it. 

Last year was like a twilight zone. Most days I felt disconnected from myself like I was in a warped reality. I pushed myself to start a new life without my dad but it never felt authentic. Yes, I was traveling, buying new designer bags, adjusting to my new neighborhood, but it all just felt blah. No true substance. The reality is material things cannot fill the huge void of losing a loved one who is significant to you. 

Things began to shift in July 2021. I was miserable at work and needed to quit my job. I worked in a culture that was toxic. Gaslighting was on a high and I wanted out. I was also being told I wasn’t ready for more. The reality was, I was more than ready and I was more than good enough. I was disappointed in “my bosses.” They would never be capable of managing and grooming me no matter how hard I worked and my desire to quit was more of a reflection of their leadership.

I had a friend and colleague who saw my potential and leveraged her own pivot into a new company. She pretty much took me along with her. It was divine. I got a great salary, good benefits, and more. It took some time to realize the offer I was getting because everything last year was so weird, but once I did, I danced like no tomorrow. The only problem left for me to handle was getting up the courage to put in my two weeks notice. Who knew that was so hard. I had to use a script and write mantras with lipstick on my mirror because I knew my team wouldn’t take it well and I wanted to be prepared for this awkward conversation. Won’t go into the particulars but my exit experience was distasteful. While I was hurt, I was finally free!

Me the day before I quit.
Me the day after I quit.

I had a month off to reflect and heal but to be honest I don’t think I healed much during that time. There was too much to process. Yet, it was nice to be like Tommy, with no job. I cooked, cleaned, got everything I was procrastinating to get done, done; I went to Fort Greene Park to read, sold clothes on Poshmark, and just lived a carefree life for a month. I ended the time with a trip to Turks and Caicos with my mom and cousins. Turks and Caicos is one of the most beautiful islands in the world. The water is so serene and clear. I literally stayed in the water for 12 hours one day and when I finally got on the shore it felt like I was still in waves, borderline seasick on land. I needed that time with my mom. We released a lot of pain in the water and had a good time. 

When I returned back to the States, I had a non-covid cough that would stay with me until October, (it was horrible) but most importantly, I had a new job awaiting. I really love my new team and I am so happy I took that leap of faith and made the pivot. 

Other highlights from 2021 included getting Ginger and my mom got her brother Blaze. In April 2021, we took a road trip to Pennsylvania for our beautiful mini poodles. They were so cute and continue to be both a blessing and a distraction from our grief because of how mischievous they are. Who knew puppies were so much work? I also hosted Christmas in my apartment for the first time which was so fun. We had cool drinks with LED lights, cheeseburger sliders, games, and catered food from “The Door” a Jamaican restaurant in Queens. 

My skin journey went downhill last year. I started using Rihanna’s Fenty Skin and I have never seen my skin in such a bad shape. Burning sensations, red face, cystic pimples, acne, it was horrifying. I will never use that product again; it does not work for me. 

My hair journey was okay, I am just continuing to grow my hair after I shaved it in 2020.

My book journey also went downhill. I didn’t finish more than 5 books last year. Who has time to read when you’re grieving? 

I am sure I am forgetting a ton, but that was my year in a nutshell. There were some lows and some highs, but hey, it’s all a part of life right?

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A Woman’s Worth

My friend Shakema K, called me last week and asked me to be on her talk show Spread Love The Christian Way in which the conversation would address a Woman’s Worth. To be honest, I was shook and while inside of me wanted to say I may not be the best person to talk about worth as I am in an extremely weird space and not feeling very worthy in this season, another part of me was saying, you have to do this! Boy am I glad that I moved forward with this opportunity. Not only was I reminded of my own journey of discovering my worth (and was able to share stories that I somewhat buried), but I received so many gems during this conversation to motivate and remind me that my worth doesn’t lie in how humans view me, it aligns with how God views me. I needed that reminder to keep me going. It’s a special thing to watch women talk about worth. I hope this is an encouragement to you. SUPPORT Shakema’s talk show by subscribing to be in the know for future episodes. Also shout out to my co-panelist Jewel Gibson whose story is beyond powerful.