Were you offended by his question? My friend asked me this one Friday evening while we were catching up. Just to give you some backstory, a few weeks prior, I went out with a group of my friends to a cool spot in Bedstuy called Lover’s Rock, which gives off all types of Love Jones vibes.
We didn’t see each other for a while so we sat around our table and caught up. The friend that was doing all of the questioning, asked me “So what are you doing, career wise? What are your next steps…?” That’s when the conversation got awkward. If you know anything about me, I am not one to talk about everything that I am doing. I’m also not one to count my chickens before they hatch. So was it so bad when I said “Sorry I can’t share with you…”
This response piqued his interest further because he continued to pry. I held on tightly to my original sentiments…”No!”
Maybe it came off weird to everyone at the table. Maybe you’re also thinking what’s the big deal? But sometimes when you are dealing with something as huge and significant as your destiny and what you’re going to do with the rest of your life it has to remain between you and God until the time is right. I could’ve created an elaborate story of dreams and goals and everything my “inner” heart desired for conversation sake, but what good would that do? I’m in a season of transition, so it’s vital for me to be still and wait on God. Therefore, until the changes God has for me are revealed, I can’t be rambling to every and anyone about my plans because some people, even the ones that are closest to you may not understand and quite frankly, it’s not meant for them to. As Sarah Jakes said “Your destiny is not a democracy.”
I say this all to say, protect your destiny. Everyone doesn’t have the right to know what’s between you and God because it’s between you and God. Your destiny is not up for conversation or discussion. Be still and let God direct your life because he will reveal the perfect time for you to shine and give you peace in your heart for the people you should actually reveal these revelations to.
I’m not big on reviewing hair products unless I swear by them and this is a product that is gradually becoming a personal favorite. There are three things that I love about this product:
1.) The Consistency – it’s thick and creamy which is perfect for my hair. My hair twists better with a thick consistency. However it’s not too thick, so it doesn’t weigh my hair down.
2.) The Smell – The smell is of blueberries. So yummy.
3.) The Finished Results – I love how my bantu knots come out with this product. You don’t have to use a lot either. I like my twist-outs as well. It’s a great alternative to my favorite product which is Miss Jessies Curly Butter Cream which is almost triple the price.
Bonus: Speaking of price, it’s about $11.99 at Target for a decent sized jar.
Overall, I like this product and if you’re looking for something new to try on your natural hair give this one a try.
On today’s podcast I talk to Kayla Brooks about The Golden Age of TV and in our lives. Kayla is a friend of mine from my TV Writing class. She’s one of those people that you know will be a future Show Runner in a few years, kind of like a next generation Shonda Rhimes. At the onset of my most recent quarter life crisis, I explained to her how I was feeling and she totally got it. We start the podcast by addressing the ups and downs of life in our twenties. We move on to talk about how amazing it was to watch our stories in the 90s on television and try to solve the mystery of why our stories have sort of been erased from Hollywood (except the ones that address slavery). The key is to be the change you want to see in the world which is what Kayla and I plan to do.
I walked home from church one Saturday afternoon, after spending the whole morning writing scripts for our Sunday school’s upcoming lessons. I passed through Park Slope and debated if I should go to my favorite Chinese restaurant, Mr. Wonton. My stomach cravings got the best of me. I walked in and noticed a young, black woman, sitting in the corner, eating General Tso’s Chicken. She was alone. I was empowered by how carefree she was. I’ve eaten by myself before, but seeing her there, at that moment, reminded me how long it’s been since I’ve been a solo diner. I asked for a seat in back of her, not to be a lurker but her area offered the best seating in the restaurant. I ordered shrimp fried rice, and a shrimp roll. They brought over noodle chips with a bowl of duck sauce. I giddily enjoyed a delicious meal, and my fortune told me “If you can shape it in your mind, you will find it in your life…”
That simple moment, led me to think about how content I was. I am single. I’ve been single for quite some time now, however it was the first time in my life where I didn’t feel shame about my singleness or even, complain about it. I love myself. I really do, and it took such a long time to get here but I am here. I don’t want to settle in a relationship. I don’t want to attract men, with empty promises and their inability to remain faithful. I don’t want to compromise myself anymore. I don’t want to lose myself either. I don’t want to give and not get the same back in return. I don’t want to feel alone, even though I have the title of a girlfriend. I don’t want to be worried about where my man is or why he hasn’t called me all day. I don’t want to question if he will feel the same joy that I feel about my birthday or Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to push my man to make more ambitious strides with his life without the same support from him. I don’t want to teach a man how to be a man. I’ve grown tired of it all.
My table was set for two. I looked at the empty seat in front of me, but it didn’t taunt me. It represented the ghosts of the many men that came before, that just didn’t work out. It also represented the bright future ahead of me. I’ve given my love life to God. So while he does the work in me, I know there’s going to be many other times where I will be dating myself, and that’s okay. I am content in where I am right now because I know I am being prepared for a relationship that will last forever.
Sometimes I look at Bishop T.D Jakes and I am amazed. Here’s a man that started from nothing and by God’s grace has evolved into one of the most inspiring preachers the world has ever encountered. What I admired most about him on this particular day that I watched him, and to be honest envied a little, was that he was walking and living in his purpose, God’s purpose and that is one of the most significant gifts life has to offer.
A couple of days later, I was asked to come to the church for a meeting on my role as a Sunday School Volunteer. I was told that one of our leaders will be taking a leave and I would assist in running my group as the Service Producer. A service producer is basically running the show. It’s a leadership role and I am responsible for our Sunday’s running smoothly. A role of leadership at church is no easy feat. It comes with a cost and a lot of sacrifice. For one, you have to dedicate more time to your group and the lessons, ensuring that Sundays runs effortlessly for the children and parents. Secondly, you have a reputation to uphold as a Sunday School leader. Lastly, you have to lead others and be confident in your skills and leadership. It’s a lot of work, balancing writing lessons, directing lessons, producing skits, props, costumes, prayer, ice breakers, assigning roles, making sure the class rooms are clean, and that the children are having a great time and learning about God.
Little ol’ me was chosen out of everyone to do this job and I am so excited. I never claim to be the best Christian, sometimes I’m afraid of the title of Christian because I am far from the quintessential image of one. But God is amazing like that. If you read his word, he always chooses the least likely in the pack and exalts them. It’s interesting the heights he is taking me in ministry now that I am following his purpose. Although the work may be overwhelming, it’s so rewarding and encourages me in many other compartments in my life. I am always looking for the purpose God has for my life and I know that he is gradually revealing it to me.
“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”
Just the other day I bought the most beautiful skirt from H&M. It was sky blue with orange leaves on it. It’s long, so it covers my knees. I figure I could wear it with some nude pumps or cute sandals. I love the look of it and know it would go over well in the office…in the office?
My style is maturing. I no longer can buy clothes for the weekend because I spend a majority of my time at work and I need to look the part. Now when I shop, I am always on the lookout for professional white or black shirts or dresses with solid colors or prints that would be perfect for a spring/summer day in the city.
I am even about to purchase my first full-suit.
I used to be the person that swore I would never adapt to the corporate culture of dressing. I thought it wasn’t “becoming” and wouldn’t allow me to be who I truly am at my core. However, what I am learning is that it feels good to wake up every morning and get dressed for work. It feels great to get compliments on your outfits or to look in the mirror and admire how professional you’ve become. My maturity in the way that I dress has also helped at social and networking events where I always wear something that can be a conversation piece like printed pants or a beautiful necklace. People come up to me off the basis of liking something that I am wearing and the conversation is sparked instantly.
I think my evolution in the way I dress at work illustrates that I am starting to take it all seriously. The way you present yourself, is how you are perceived by others. If you don’t take pride in how you look then other people may write that off as a lack of self-care and treat you less than you deserve. As superficial as investing in clothes may seem, we live in a superficial society and it all ties into your professional growth. However, to be honest, I still have my days where I just don’t care and wear whatever I want. You can’t stay on all the time…can you?
“Born June 24th Wore tap shoes and tutus everywhere 3-5 Wrote first song (A jingle for the United Way) 9 Felt God 10 Met first love (in a parking lot) 13 Wrote/Released my first album for weird teenagers 15 Started writing songs for other awesome people 16 Lost my best friend Marsai, to gun violence 17 Pregnant 17 Married first love 17 Gave birth to angel baby 18 Financially independent 19 Bought my first house 19 Divorced 20 Wiled the hell out 20-22 Wrote/ Released second album 22 Fell head over heels in love again 22 Insane panic attacks and agoraphobia and convinced I would die by 30 – 24 Wrote/released third album 26 Started record label and cultural hub 27 Released first album on label 27 Freed myself of “friends” on the journey to womanhood 27 Started writing most proud of body of work 27 World called me crazy 27 Married Best Friend 28 Completed 4th album (72 hours before turning 30) Just really getting started 30 I say all of that to say…don’t eveeer let anyone write your story for you. They can talk, they can doubt, and they can say what they wanna, but only you have the words to narrate this ting we call life. So much gratitude for all of your wishes. So much gratitude for love. So much gratitude for freedom. So much gratitude for life. Ps: About to take a note from Paris Hilton and have 4 parties.”
Just when I was feeling uncertain about life, and all of its offerings, this happened. Solange dropped a reflective timeline of the critical and seemingly life changing moments of her life and not only did it illustrate growth and strength but process, purpose and having faith through it all. It really brought things full circle. Sometimes, we tend to whine over the things that we don’t have in our lives, instead of acknowledging all that we do have in our lives and Solange did this seamlessly.
The best part about her timeline, if you will, was that I was able to relate to some of her highlights. When I was 10 years old I experienced God for the first time. I was at a Benny Hinn service when it happened. When I was a teenager, I found love, however it wasn’t in a parking lot. And now that I am 27, and feeling strange, restless, and uncertain, Solange showed me that 27, could actually be one of the most transformative years of my life, if I just allow it to be.
So I wanted to share this reflection with you guys if you haven’t seen it as yet, because it really helped me put things into perspective. Patience is key. Discovering bits, pieces and passions about yourself is epic. Trusting the process is necessary. Keep going. Keep moving. You’ll get there.
On this episode of Lifestylebyky Podcast, I talk to Sharee Hereford, of DormRoom Tv and we chat about our experiences after graduating from college. I remember as soon as I graduated, someone asked me, “So What’s Next?” I was so taken back by the question, primarily because it was my first day back home from college, so my sentiments were can I just enjoy this moment.
Sheree and I swap stories of the struggle of finding a job, settling for jobs that were not aligned with what we wanted to do, and how all of those opportunities, post college, ultimately leads you to finding yourself and your purpose.
Feel free to comment below if you relate.
Hope you enjoy.
Links to everything Sharee has going on, that was mentioned on the Podcast below:
On this episode of Lifestyle By Ky, I am joined by Kadia, an amazing blogger and lifestyle and culture contributor as well as Myleka an Educator and my best friend and we talk candidly about Cultural Appropriation, the danger of ignoring it, and the excessive use of the N word. The discussion is guided by Jessie Williams speech during the BET awards, where he broke down for us all, why we are sick and tired of people wearing our culture like costumes and not respecting it or us! Hope you enjoy!
Look to the left of you. Now look to the right of you. Sometimes, in life we get caught up looking at what’s going on with everyone else and not focusing on us, which is the path straight ahead. I’ve always prided myself on being the type of person with tunnel vision. I’ve never wanted to follow what others were doing and always tried to remain true to who I was. However, lately I’ve been feeling lost. I feel as if life is just moving and I’m still trying to figure it all out. I look at the people on social media, and the people who I interact with in my everyday life and it’s just a lot going on. From the multiple degrees to the wedding engagements and marriages, it can sometimes feel like you’re doing something wrong because these things are not happening for you.
Recently I saw a Brittany Spears meme, coming to an understanding with her breakdown at 26-years old. You remember that break down; she shaved her head and was running through the streets with a umbrella. Although I am not feeling that overwhelmed, I understand the pressures of the world and how consuming figuring out your life can be.
So what can we do?
Focus on you, is often the answer that we hear, but that’s easier said than done. I do believe in tunnel vision however. I believe that you should figure out what you want in life and create an intricate blue print of how you will get there. Be realistic as well. There are going to be ups and downs so we have to be conscious of the setbacks and the triumphs. Furthermore, I believe you should never succumb to comparing yourself to others. We all are unique, we all are born at different times, we all have separate journeys for a reason and the minute we try to compete with others we’ve already failed.