What is Books By Ky (Formerly By Ky Books)? Well, if you’ve been a follower of this blog, then you know I’ve been sharing some of my favorite books with you for years. Something that I’ve wanted to do since around 2016 is start a Book Youtube channel for book reviews and book recommendations. This year, I finally took the leap and launched Books By Ky@booksbyky.You can learn more about it by watching the below video. Don’t forget to check out my book reviews which I will be posting on this site as well. In the meantime, you can purchase all of my book recommendations here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky. ClickSUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.
I will be very honest right now, before the quarantine, I thought I was going to burnout. Life was happening too fast. A lot of change in both my professional and personal life all at once was hard to process. I remember one day, waiting for the train in the hustle and bustle of the morning, I was probably late, and thinking to myself, how can I slow down? I daydreamed of possibly taking a week off, just to focus on me. About 2-weeks after that, shelter in place in New York City was mandated. While being sensitive to all of the uncertainty and turmoil of COVID-19, the complete pause in work and life was just what I needed. Thank you, Jesus.
I welcome this much-needed break to get in touch with myself again. I am so grateful for this time to just be. I love working from home. My commute was insane, crowded trains, every single day can wear a person down. I love spending time with my dog. I love zoom calls with my friends. I’ve been able to carve out time to read and write; My last post on this blog was in 2018…two years ago! I also listen to music and watch the Verzuz battles without guilt.
Speaking of the Verzuz battles, I am obsessed with them. The battle between Babyface and Teddy Riley...Babyface won in my eyes, but Teddy had hits. The battle between Johnta Austin and Neyo…Johnta won hands down, but I was reminded of all of Neyo’s hits. He should’ve played “Say It,” that’s one of his better songs. Clearly, I only care about the R&B battles, but I’ve followed the others as well. There’s been a drought of good R&B music so it’s nice to see it get some notoriety again. Jamming to DJ D-Nice on the weekends brings such a smile on my face and a real sense of community. I’ve literally added 50-songs to my Apple Music playlist because of his sets. I also had time to discover new artists, who I know will be my favorite, like Doja Cat. Her sound is a breath of fresh air. Would I have had time to listen to her latest album three times in one day before this? Probably not, but I did today.
Watching TV and movies without a care in the world is now one of my favorite past times. Below, I share some of the TV shows and movies I’ve watched in the last month. Trust me, I have more, but was trying to limit my list (will share my suggestions more often). Unorthodox on Netflix was probably my favorite. Only 4-episodes but it packed a punch and left an impression on me. I’ve always been intrigued by Orthodox Jews. Especially since I grew up in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. Tiger King was so insane, I had to pick up my jaws a few times while watching. Awkafina is Nora from Queens, is hilarious. Her grandma reminds me of mine, just an Asian version. Malcom X was such a powerful movie. I believe it was one of Spike’s best movies. Everyone is throwing shade at #BlackAF but I actually loved it-Bring on Season 2. Twenties, is such a dope show. If I was ever to write a show, it would be similar vibes.
I say this all to say that we are in this together. This is such a unique time of being still and we should really utilize it to tap into who we are and who we want to be when we survive this season of quarantine. Use this time to stay home (if you can and as much as you can), allow yourself to dream, practice discipline, take online classes, utilize youtube and other resources for fitness, practice boundaries with working from home and not allowing it to seep into your personal time, connect with family and really appreciate the value of life.
The 52 List Project is a book that I rediscovered during this season of quarantine and it has served as a form of self-care, intentionality, and a means of escape. In 2018, I purchased it in hopes that I would complete it at the end of the year. However, from the looks of it, I’ve only completed up to week 24 and then I put it down to collect dust. Revisiting this book during this time was actually therapeutic. I was able to review all of my hopes in 2018 and reflect on how much my life has changed since then. Now, I have all intention of completing the book to my best ability. I never realized how powerful creating lists about your life, hopes, and dreams could truly be. Below are some of my favorite prompts from the book thus far. Please take the time to answer the below questions for yourself.
It was the first warm Saturday in April, after a viciously long winter season. My friend and I were at a bar, enjoying the weather and a tropical drink. The vibrations in the packed restaurant were high, everyone had the same idea to get out of the house and enjoy a delicious dinner. We stood at the crowded bar because the wait for service was over an hour and the bar seats were taken. Engulfed in my friend’s story, I shook my head in agreement with her as she spoke and then I heard someone say “Excuse me.” Before I even turned around, I was shifted out of my place and moved to the side by someone. It was a man, trying to get the attention of the bartender. I do not know what was worst, the fact that he said excuse me, while shifting me to the side or that he physically shifted me. I was livid. I questioned if I was PMS’ing because I got so mad. I’m usually pretty calm and understanding about these situations, especially considering how packed the restaurant was, but I was angry.
I could not continue the conversation with my friend. I just stared at him. My friend catching the cue stared at him too. He must’ve felt our ice-cold eyes on him because he ordered his drinks and then proceeded to tell the bartender, “Whatever they are having put it on my tab because clearly, they stopped talking when I came around.” With a straight face, I said, “You touched me. You literally shifted me.” He replied, “I was only trying to order, I’m sorry sweetheart.” I rolled my eyes and he called me mean. He said my friend clearly was the nice one. I was angry at that moment and I didn’t know why. He offered to buy us dinner but we declined. It was a girl’s night and we were enjoying each other’s company. Later on, when he was done with his dinner, not only did we finally get a seat at the bar, but he approached us again. I was able to explain to him how offensive his gesture was. I tapped him on his side, since I couldn’t physically shift him, because he was bigger than me, to illustrate how invasive he was to my space and my body. He finally agreed that I was right and moving forward he would be more aware of it. It was a happy ending to a complex history of objectification and patriarchy. The next day, I questioned if I overreacted. Then I heard Tracee Ellis Ross’ April 2018 TED Talk and I realized the root to my anger. In it, she refers to a similar situation that happened to her friend at a post office:
“This fury was not my friend’s alone. Her fury was ignited by lifetimes of men helping themselves to women’s bodies without consent…There’s a culture of men helping themselves to women, and in this case, in a seemingly innocuous way, where a woman’s body is like a saltshaker: ‘Get out of the way so I can get to the fries.’” –Tracee Ellis Ross
It’s sad that it took Tracee Ellis Ross’ speech to give me permission to feel comfortable with my reaction. She gave me permission to not only be angry but furious and to revel in that fury because it’s generational and it’s a compilation of the fury of my ancestors. The fury of the women before me who had no agency over their bodies…their bodies! Yes, my personal anecdote may seem innocuous and I probably would have never written about it had I not seen this TED Talk, but #TIMESUP
The season 2 premiere of Insecure was like soul food. Issa’s character awkwardly over thinks herself into crazy situations, setting her expectations high and leaving her disappointed; similar to what I do on a daily basis, especially when it comes to my love life. As the twists and turns of the episode unfolded, I found myself shaking my head and screaming at the screen “No girl.” Not from a place of judgment but from a place of understanding. Been there and done all of that.
Thus, If Issa was my friend, was born. My Iyanla senses want me to get to the root of Issa and Molly’s decisions this episode. I want to be apart of their friend circle anyway, so this is technically, me, bringing the idea of having Issa as my best friend in my head to life. See how that works?
If Issa was my friend, I would’ve told her, “No! Don’t sleep with Lawrence. They always come back but that doesn’t mean you should give up the goodies as soon as they do. He’s just not ready.”
Breakups are rough, especially when the woman is the one who cheated and is at fault for it. Some guys in these situations, develop these self-righteous attitudes like they are so much better than the cheating woman. They act as if they are so disgusted by the presence of this woman. Even if the guy wasn’t so innocent in the relationship himself, something happens to his ego when a woman cheats; his ego is crushed and he pretty much changes.
This is what we are seeing happening to Lawrence. Lawrence loved Issa but now that Issa betrayed his trust, he’s unforgiving. My only issue with this is societal double standards that are in favor of men when they cheat but not when women do. When a man cheats, the woman is supposed to forgive and get over it. Which in most cases we usually do. Society tells us to accept the reality of a cheating man because “MEN CHEAT.” Whether that is true or not, we have desensitized cheating for men, but have not done the same for women. When a woman cheats, the consequences are grim. The men in these situations are not as forgiving and they are conditioned to walk away from the situation without any chance of reconciliation. Lawrence’s first instinct wasn’t to forgive Issa, it was to hurt her as much as she hurt him. It was to sleep with other women. Not once was it to hear Issa’s pleas of forgiveness. I am not condoning cheating for men or women, but I think the standards for each gender should be equal.
Issa created an awesome plan to show Lawrence that she’s living her best life by throwing a Wine Down party. She thought he was coming over but he, in turn, sends that disappointing text that he wasn’t going to make it. The feeling of defeat on her face was a little sad. Getting disappointed by an ex that you love and so desperately want to make amends with is always rough. But he eventually came around.
What we saw happen on that couch was not an act of love. That was a quickie. Let’s not get it twisted. Issa opened a door for a friends with benefits situation. Lawrence and Issa are not back together, just yet. Lawrence is not looking at her in a loving way, although he still has love for her. She’s a sexual object now, a release for his pent up anger and that kiss on the cheek at the end was a slap in the face. I know we’re supposed to believe that he’s coming back. I know that cringe-worthy smirk on Issa’s face at the end of the episode means that even she thinks he’s coming back, but he’s not. Not yet. He’s hurt, his ego is bruised, and he still has to unpack some of those feelings. Sometimes men jump prematurely into situations with other women to deal with their hurt. Lawrence is now with Tasha who seems to uplift him, despite her messing with the chances of him and Issa getting back together. Issa, however, is going to have to figure out how to live life without Lawrence in the meantime and iron out all of her issues so when Lawrence does finally come back, which he will, she’s ready for the relationship that they both deserve. If she still even wants that.
Patience-Process-Purpose, are the three lessons I learned in the last couple of years navigating my life but more specifically, my career. I was discouraged for some time but at the right time, God came through and answered my prayers for the direction I wanted to go in my life.
Patience: Sometimes we need to humble ourselves in times of frustration. We need to take a deep breath and realize that although we are in a situation we don’t want to be in, it’s only temporary. So be patient, let God work in your life until your blessing is harvested.
Process: You learn the most on your journey to success during the process. You have to enjoy the moment, it makes you resilient. Learn as much as you can during this time and put your trust in God that you’re going to be fine in the end. Spend this time learning your passions. The process promotes growth.
Purpose: Isn’t this the goal? Sometimes we have to go through everything we do before God reveals to us what our purpose is. Keep believing.
The word memoir used to sound like the most boring thing ever when I was younger. I stayed away from those types of stories. But within the last year, I’ve read more of them and it has grown into one of my favorite types of narratives. I think there’s something so inspirational about reading someone’s story (dead or alive) and learning how they navigated life. Life is full of ups and downs and we don’t have an instruction manual for it. Sometimes we all get confused about our place in it or if we will ever achieve our goals, but when you read how others navigated their lives and see that their situations were no different from yours it gives you a sense of hope and sometimes may even inspire you to take risks and go after dreams. I am one of those people who google the age of celebrities that I admire to compare where they were at my age. I know this is an odd thing to do, but I do it, to make sure I am on the right track. Most times I realize that I am, but there’s always that extraordinary person who’s killing it in their teens or twenties. For me, some of the key elements of really good memoirs are:
Transparency: I love memoirs where the author is transparent about their life and their mistakes. No one wants to read a memoir that they can’t relate to.
Started from the bottom: I love memoirs that take you on the journey of life starting from the beginning. Society and social media tend to show you what success looks like without showing what it took to get there. I like when authors take you on the journey from the bottom up and not just the “up”.
Evolution or Growth: As humans, we are constantly evolving and growing. I love memoirs that show a person’s growth. If you are the same way at the beginning of the story that you were at the end, something is wrong. Life should always push you to be better, greater, stronger. We are constantly learning and evolving and I love memoirs that illustrate that.
Some of the memoirs that I read recently have all three of these characteristics:
Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X
Assata An Autobiography by Assata Shakur
Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
The Education of Kevin Powell by Kevin Powell
My Voice by Angie Martinez
A memoir that I am looking forward to reading this year is Foxy: My Life in Three Acts by Pam Grier. I absolutely love her and I know she has a powerful life story.
Religion. Suicide. Abortion. Sexual Abuse. Failed First Love. Grief. Depression.
The book The Mothers does not hold back on the issues it addresses. But although these topics seem heavy, the author Brit Bennett does such an excellent job with her writing and character building that you don’t feel weighed down by the story once it’s over. It feels real.
At the core of this story is an abortion that beautiful Nadia Turner, the main character feels like she must have. She doesn’t confide in anyone including her boyfriend, she’s just hell-bent on getting one. This book tackles the choice women make when they either have an abortion and pursue the rest of their lives and their dreams or become a mother. The idea is that both choices come with costs and for Nadia, having a child would mean halting her dreams of going to college and becoming successful to stay at home, where being home meant dealing with grief and depression that her heart could no longer take.
I would identify this as a coming of age story that is representative of reality; not those coming of age stories where characters jump in lakes and try to soak in the last real summer before adulthood. This story hits home for several reasons and really illustrates the reality of young adulthood for some people. It tackles real-life issues while intertwining religion and often time the hypocrisy of it. I don’t want to give too much away, but I liked this book, I didn’t like the ending that much but I enjoyed reading it overall and loved how the author developed such powerful relationships that may or may not withstand the test of time.
If you’re into podcasts, For Colored Nerds on iTunes has an amazing interview with the author Britt Bennet who gives further perspective into the narrative of this story.
Americanah is the best book I have ever read. After 27-years of life and reading, I finally have a favorite book. I’ve been searching for it all my life and finally, it’s here! The book follows the lives of Ifemelu and Obinzie, two lovers who first meet in a secondary school in Lagos, Nigeria. The couple eventually separates. Ifemelu moves to America to go to school, while Obinze moves to London in search of work. They are smart, charismatic, and hopeful in Nigeria, but their new lives as immigrants in these sensationalized countries prove to be hard.
This book illustrates the power of first love. It’s a love story at its core, but a culturally important book that explores race, immigration, navigating adulthood, education, relationships, culture, culture clashing, assimilation, and so much. Like I said, this is the best book I’ve ever read in my life. Check out the below concept trailer for the movie:
Jacqueline Woodson wrote a beautiful coming of age story, set in Brooklyn in the 70s which felt familiar to me. Her main character August is telling this story of her childhood as an adult. She’s a successful archeologist but has to come back to Brooklyn because of her father’s death. Seeing an old best friend triggers memories of the borough that made her who she is. The story is charming but very short. It deals with themes that include grief, friendship, poverty, religion and so much more. If you’re interested in a short read that feels like soul food, this would be it.
by Pam Grier. I absolutely love her and I know she has a powerful life story.
is the best book I have ever read. After 27-years of life and reading, I finally have a favorite book. I’ve been searching for it all my life and finally, it’s here! The book follows the lives of Ifemelu and Obinzie, two lovers who first meet in a secondary school in Lagos, Nigeria. The couple eventually separates. Ifemelu moves to America to go to school, while Obinze moves to London in search of work. They are smart, charismatic, and hopeful in Nigeria, but their new lives as immigrants in these sensationalized countries prove to be hard.
LifestyleByKy 