Uncategorized – Page 7 – LifestyleByKy

August 2, 2016January 9, 2020

Contentment

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I walked home from church one Saturday afternoon, after spending the whole morning writing scripts for our Sunday school’s upcoming lessons. I passed through Park Slope and debated if I should go to my favorite Chinese restaurant, Mr. Wonton. My stomach cravings got the best of me. I walked in and noticed a young, black woman, sitting in the corner, eating General Tso’s Chicken. She was alone. I was empowered by how carefree she was. I’ve eaten by myself before, but seeing her there, at that moment, reminded me how long it’s been since I’ve been a solo diner. I asked for a seat in the back of her, not to be a lurker but her area offered the best seating in the restaurant. I ordered shrimp fried rice and a shrimp roll. They brought over noodle chips with a bowl of duck sauce. I giddily enjoyed a delicious meal, and my fortune told me “If you can shape it in your mind, you will find it in your life…”

That simple moment led me to think about how content I was. I am single. I’ve been single for quite some time now, however it was the first time in my life where I didn’t feel shame about my singleness or even, complain about it. I love myself. I really do, and it took such a long time to get here but I am here. I don’t want to settle in a relationship. I don’t want to attract men with empty promises and an inability to be faithful. I don’t want to compromise myself anymore. I don’t want to lose myself either. I don’t want to give and not get the same back in return. I don’t want to feel alone, even though I have the title of a girlfriend. I don’t want to be worried about where my man is or why he hasn’t called me all day. I don’t want to question if he will feel the same joy that I feel about my birthday or Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to push my man to make more ambitious strides with his life without the same support from him. I don’t want to teach a man how to be a man. I’ve grown tired of it all.

My table was set for two. I looked at the empty seat in front of me, but it didn’t taunt me. It represented the ghosts of the many men that came before that just didn’t work out. It also represented the bright future ahead of me. I’ve given my love life to God. So while he does the work in me, I know there’s going to be many other times where I will be dating myself, and that’s okay. I am content in where I am right now because I know I am being prepared for a relationship that will last forever.

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August 1, 2016January 9, 2020

God’s Purpose

Sometimes I look at Bishop T.D Jakes and I am amazed. Here’s a man that started from nothing and by God’s grace has evolved into one of the most inspiring preachers the world has ever encountered. What I admired most about him on this particular day that I watched him, and to be honest, envied a little, was that he was walking and living in his purpose, God’s purpose and that is one of the most significant gifts life has to offer.

A couple of days later, I was asked to come to the church for a meeting on my role as a Sunday School Volunteer. I was told that one of our leaders will be taking a leave and I would assist in running my group as the Service Producer. A service producer is basically running the show. It’s a leadership role and I am responsible for our Sunday’s running smoothly. The role of leadership at church is no easy feat. It comes with a cost and a lot of sacrifices. For one, you have to dedicate more time to your group and the lessons, ensuring that Sundays run effortlessly for the children and parents. Secondly, you have a reputation to uphold as a Sunday School leader. Lastly, you have to lead others and be confident in your skills and leadership. It’s a lot of work, balancing writing lessons, directing lessons, producing skits, props, costumes, prayer, ice breakers, assigning roles, making sure the classrooms are clean, and that the children are having a great time and learning about God.

Little ol’ me was chosen out of everyone to do this job and I am so excited. I never claim to be the best Christian, sometimes I’m afraid of the title of Christian because I am far from the quintessential image of one. But God is amazing like that. If you read his word, he always chooses the least likely in the pack and exalts them. It’s interesting the heights he is taking me in ministry now that I am following his purpose. Although the work may be overwhelming, it’s so rewarding and encourages me in many other compartments in my life. I am always looking for the purpose God has for my life and I know that he is gradually revealing it to me.

July 30, 2016January 9, 2020

Style Evolution

“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”

Just the other day I bought the most beautiful skirt from H&M. It was sky blue with orange leaves on it. It’s long, so it covers my knees. I figure I could wear it with some nude pumps or cute sandals. I love the look of it and know it would go over well in the office…in the office?

My style is maturing. I no longer can buy clothes for the weekend because I spend the majority of my time at work and I need to look the part. Now when I shop, I am always on the lookout for professional white or black shirts or dresses with solid colors or prints that would be perfect for a spring/summer day in the city.

I am even about to purchase my first full-suit.

I used to be the person that swore I would never adapt to the corporate culture of dressing. I thought it wasn’t “becoming” and wouldn’t allow me to be who I truly am at my core. However, what I am learning is that it feels good to wake up every morning and get dressed for work. It feels great to get compliments on your outfits or to look in the mirror and admire how professional you’ve become. My maturity in the way that I dress has also helped at social and networking events where I always wear something that can be a conversation piece like printed pants or a beautiful necklace. People come up to me off the basis of liking something that I am wearing and the conversation is sparked instantly.

I think my evolution in the way I dress at work illustrates that I am starting to take it all seriously. The way you present yourself is how you are perceived by others. If you don’t take pride in how you look then other people may write that off as a lack of self-awareness and treat you less than you deserve. As superficial as investing in clothes may seem, we live in a superficial society and it all ties into your professional growth. However, to be honest, I still have my days where I just don’t care and wear whatever I want. You can’t stay ON all the time…can you?

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July 29, 2016January 9, 2020

Thank You Solange

“Born June 24th. Wore tap shoes and tutus everywhere 3-5 Wrote first song (A jingle for the United Way) 9 Felt God 10 Met first love (in a parking lot) 13 Wrote/Released my first album for weird teenagers 15 Started writing songs for other awesome people 16 Lost my best friend Marsai, to gun violence 17 Pregnant 17 Married first love 17 Gave birth to angel baby 18 Financially independent 19 Bought my first house 19 Divorced 20 Wiled the hell out 20-22 Wrote/ Released second album 22 Fell head over heels in love again 22 Insane panic attacks and agoraphobia and convinced I would die by 30 – 24 Wrote/released third album 26 Started record label and cultural hub 27 Released first album on label 27 Freed myself of “friends” on the journey to womanhood 27 Started writing most proud of body of work 27 World called me crazy 27 Married Best Friend 28 Completed 4th album (72 hours before turning 30) Just really getting started 30 I say all of that to say…don’t eveeer let anyone write your story for you. They can talk, they can doubt, and they can say what they wanna, but only you have the words to narrate this thing we call life. So much gratitude for all of your wishes. So much gratitude for love. So much gratitude for freedom. So much gratitude for life. Ps: About to take a note from Paris Hilton and have 4 parties.”

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Just when I was feeling uncertain about life, and all of its offerings, this happened. Solange dropped a reflective timeline of the critical and seemingly life-changing moments of her life and not only did it illustrate growth and strength but process, purpose and having faith through it all. It really brought things full circle. Sometimes, we tend to whine over the things that we don’t have in our lives, instead of acknowledging all that we do have in our lives and Solange did this seamlessly.

The best part about her timeline, if you will, was that I was able to relate to some of her highlights. When I was 10 years old I experienced God for the first time. I was at a Benny Hinn service when it happened. When I was a teenager, I found love, however, it wasn’t in a parking lot. And now that I am 27, and feeling strange, restless, and uncertain, Solange showed me that 27, could actually be one of the most transformative years of my life if I just allow it to be.

So I wanted to share this reflection with you all if you haven’t seen it as yet, because it really helped me put things into perspective. Patience is key. Discovering bits, pieces and passions about yourself is epic. Trusting the process is necessary. Keep going. Keep moving. You’ll get there.

July 11, 2016January 9, 2020

Tunnel Vision.

Look to the left of you. Now look to the right of you. Sometimes, in life, we get caught up looking at what’s going on with everyone else and not focusing on us, which is the path straight ahead. I’ve always prided myself on being the type of person with tunnel vision. I’ve never wanted to follow what others were doing and always tried to remain true to who I was. However, lately, I’ve been feeling lost. I feel as if life is just moving and I’m still trying to figure it all out. I look at the people on social media and the people who I interact with in my everyday life and it’s just a lot going on. From the multiple degrees to the wedding engagements and marriages, it can sometimes feel like you’re doing something wrong because these things are not happening for you.

Recently, I saw a Brittany Spears meme, that said they finally understood her breakdown at 26-years old. You remember that break down; she shaved her head and was running through the streets with a umbrella. Although I am not feeling that overwhelmed, I understand the pressures of the world and how consuming figuring out your life in your mid-twenties can be.

So what can we do?

Focus on you, is often the answer that we hear, but that’s easier said than done. I do believe in tunnel vision, however. I believe that you should figure out what you want in life and create an intricate blueprint of how you will get there. Be realistic as well. There are going to be ups and downs so we have to be conscious of that. Furthermore, I believe you should never succumb to comparing yourself to others. We all are unique, we all are born at different times, we all have separate journeys, and the minute we try to compare and compete with others we’ve already failed.

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June 27, 2016January 9, 2020

The Danger in Chasing the Woo-ha!

I remember my wonder years as a college student. Whenever I told someone I went to Penn State I would get the same response. Ohhh…Ahhh…Wooha! It made me feel good, like I was doing something great with my life. It made me feel validated even…But then after 4-years, I graduated.

As soon as I graduated, I knew things would change and it did. Now the Wooha’s were replaced with “So what now?” It was a frightening reality that my degree was just that, a degree, a piece of paper, and nothing I did in college mattered remotely to the giant machine we all know as the real world.

Eventually, the wooha’s came back when I landed my first job on Wall Street. I was working for a financial tech company which made it seem like everything I was doing was super important. Nevertheless, my enthusiasm for my job was lackluster at best and the wooha’s began to diminish again. People could see that although my job was great it didn’t align with who I was or what I should be doing.

Chasing the wooha’s led me to do many other things that did not align with who I was. It led me to apply to law school when I knew deep down inside I didn’t love the idea of being a lawyer. It led me to apply to business school when deep down inside I knew I didn’t like the business culture that much. It led me to chase after goals that seemed pretty on paper and socially acceptable but just wasn’t for me. It led me to deny a bit of myself in the pursuit of acceptance.

Now, I am at the point in my life where the wooha’s cannot define my journey anymore. Yes, it would be great to be praised for how successful I am, but society defines success in very rigid and traditional ways and that’s just not my trajectory. I want to be true to myself, not the wooha’s. I want to be happy with what I am doing and I plan on doing just that.

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June 15, 2016January 9, 2020

By Ky Books: What I Know For Sure

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Before reading the book, What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey, I set out to answer that very question for myself. In the beginning, my answers were pretty cryptic. I know for sure that I’m going to die (as we all should know). I also know for sure that I believe in Jesus. But what else did I know for sure? I was stumped. If this book was anything like my answers, I was in for a rude awakening. So I decided to figure out what it was all about first and then try to answer the same question once I was done.

What I Know For Sure, made me fall in love with Oprah. It humanized her, as she talked candidly about her 20’s and 30’s, building a career, feeling worthless and even dealing with bad guys in relationships. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about her life, that I was so happy she shared. For her 58^th birthday, Oprah’s friends surprised her with one of her favorite singer’s Snatam Kaur. I know what you’re thinking, big deal, its Oprah, but the beauty of this story is that she didn’t think she was worthy enough to invite the singer to perform at her own birthday. She went to bed kind of disappointed in herself, only to find out a few hours later her friends had the singer come to her home and serenade her with her favorite songs. It was a beautiful story.

This book is filled with the advice only Oprah can give. She is transparent, infusing personal stories with life lessons. She talks about her relationship with Gayle and how supportive she’s always been as a best friend. She also talks about aging, how she chooses to celebrate growing older as opposed to begrudging it because it represents more opportunity to live. There are a couple of things that Oprah knows for sure, which now serve as life lessons for me which you can find below:

Reading opens you up and exposes you to access anything your mind can hold.
Love, a relationship built on real love should feel good most of the time, it should involve bringing who you are to the table and walking away with more.
Encountering Obstacles, every experience is a valuable teacher. It’s a blessing to be able to survive them and make the climb up life’s mountain.
Unworthiness, unconscious feelings of unworthiness show up in everything you do or don’t do.
Combating Shame, when you know who you are and what you stand for, stand in wisdom.
Haters, naysayers will always feel threatened because they don’t believe they are enough and will never feel satisfied.
Fear, what would you do if you weren’t afraid of feeling rejected, making a mistake, looking foolish, or being alone? When you remove the fear, the answer you’ve been searching for comes into focus.
The Journey, never lose faith in the path. Changing the way you think about your situation is the key to improving it. Learning to appreciate your lessons is a clear sign you are moving in the right direction.
Prayer, if the only prayer you ever said in your entire life was thank you, it would be enough.
Gratitude, sometimes we get so focused on the difficulty of our climb that we lose sight of being grateful for having a mountain to climb. When you focus on the goodness of your life you create more of it.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for some encouragement in their lives. Oprah’s outlook on life is simply magnificent. She finds beauty in everything around her and is willing to share with us, some of her mistakes and triumphs that made her the wise woman she is today. Make gratitude a priority.

June 13, 2016January 9, 2020

Lacking Faith

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…” – Hebrews 11:1

I lack faith. Some people are ashamed to admit that but I know I do. My church did a class on faith recently, teaching from the book Hebrews Chapter 11, where we dissected the meaning of faith and the people in the bible who exhibited great faith; Abraham, Moses, and David. I was inspired but still failed a test of faith recently.

The test was simple, so simple that I knew it was a test, but still, I failed miserably. I decided to apply for something, which at the time I thought I really wanted. When I was rejected I was very angry. I’ve never been this angry in a long time. That anger turned into questioning the plans that God has for my life, those questions led me to feelings of defeat, and that defeat deflated me completely and I felt so discouraged and depressed. I didn’t have to react so poorly to rejection but I did. I could’ve gone totally against the grain. I could’ve completely remained confident that the next door of opportunity would open but I didn’t. I created a pity party for myself filled with negativity and a spirit that was not aligned with God.

I decided to go to church the next morning in hopes of an answer and I received one. The pastor preached about hindrances and what it means to be blocked from doing something. A hindrance can come from either God or the devil; you just have to be spiritually in tune to decipher who it’s from. I left church feeling empowered. Simply because having faith means putting your trust in God. Sometimes that’s extremely hard. You see other people doing great things and you want to know when your turn will be. You see people building great relationships and you want to know when your time will come. Navigating life with such uncertainty is hard, but that’s where faith comes in.

One of the many beauties of life is the mystery of it. One of the most challenging things about life is not knowing when your expectations will be met. Will it be a year from now or tomorrow? That’s my struggle; I just want to know when. I wish this post was the answer to how I conquered my lack of faith but it’s not. It’s more about transparency than anything. It’s letting you know that as a Christian sometimes it can be hard to keep believing in God’s plans even if we know he wants the best for us. I know for sure God has my back because he always has. I know you’re supposed to be patient and wait on God’s timing for all things, but even though I know this as a fact, it’s hard to accept when it deals with the circumstances of YOUR life and that’s the trouble.

June 10, 2016January 9, 2020

Kizzy’s Decision Taught me…

Roots was an amazing series, which was sometimes hard to watch but overall, significant for me and I am very pleased with how well done it was.

One of the defining scenes in my mind after watching was when Kizzy, whose name means “Stay Put” in Mandinka actually did that very thing. She had the opportunity to be free and marry the man she was in love with but turned down the opportunity to stay on the plantation because it was comfortable for her. Although a pragmatic decision, it shook me to my core. If there’s one thing I learned about life, it’s to jump on opportunities when they come to you. You never want to wake up one day, thinking What If?

Kizzy missed out on love, freedom, and the opportunities that life as a free woman in the North had to offer her. I guess, too often, we do that in our own lives. We get comfortable in security; comfortable with avoiding risks; comfortable with allowing fear to leave us stagnant and then we lead unhappy lives because deep down we know that there’s more for us than what we are settling for.

I don’t want to do that. I am finally learning that taking risks, although frightening, is the only way we can grow. Not giving into our fears and taking on new opportunities, encompasses both the excitement and mysteries of life.

This scene hits home for me because I find myself at a crossroads; comfortable in the security I’ve built for myself for the last few years but ready to grow, become a batter person and unleash the inner powerhouse that is in me. I am ready for a change.

June 8, 2016January 9, 2020

BAM Dance Africa Cool Finds

This year at Dance Africa, I found so many great things I want to share with you. As you know, Dance Africa is an annual event that happens every memorial weekend at BAM where Brooklyn locals celebrate Africa in all its glory through performances, amazing food and vendors. This year I bought so much cool stuff that I’m so excited about:

Tribal Print Dress

Besides the beautiful tribal print, what I love about this dress is the pockets and the racerback. It’s such a well-made dress and I never want to take it off. Price: $20

Earrings

I’ve wanted Fulani earrings since 2011. Finally, I found these rare finds from Mali and put them on as soon as I bought them. They’re a dream come true. Price: $20

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Shea Butter & Black Soap

These two necessities speak for themselves. I haven’t used Shea Butter in my hair since 2014, so this is a real treat and my hair loves it. As for the black soap, I am hoping it performs miracles on my dark spots. ($3-$5)