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Surviving After Work Drinks

I have always been against going to after-work drinks. I think as a black woman working in Corporate America, we are turned off because sometimes we are made to feel like an “other” or a piece in the puzzle that doesn’t necessarily fit. These situations are often awkward for us, (well for me at least).

Since I started working at my company, about four years ago, I can only remember going out with my colleagues five times. I dread when someone invites me out for drinks at work. A sense of doom comes over me, as I go through the possible white lies I could tell them to get myself out of the situation. However, I learned recently we have to bite the bullet and attend these work events, because it’s necessary if we want to advance our career, make connections, and understand how our office really functions (and the role everyone plays in it).

On this particular day, I had no idea I would be asked out for drinks. I headed to work like I normally would, reading my book The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Woman by Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood, and Rhonda Joy Mclean, when I got to chapter 19 entitled Step Outside Your Comfort Zone. This chapter emphasized the importance of connecting with your colleagues and getting to know them on a personal level—asking them out for coffee or going out for drinks when you’re asked and if you are not asked, inviting yourself. Before getting off the train, I concluded that these authors were completely insane and there was no way I would ever invite myself to someone’s after-work drinks.

Around 3 PM, my favorite executives in the office, who also happens to be leaving the company, invited me out for drinks. Really? I politely thanked him for the invite but remembered it was Tuesday and I had to go to prayer meeting. When another co-worker asked if I was going, I told him about church—he replied, “You’re really strange, but you have to go out with us.” Now I felt guilty and anxious. My job is going through major changes and this could possibly be the last time we all get together; I also knew that if I didn’t go, I would feel guilty because he went out of his way to invite me. I couldn’t concentrate. The sweet sounds of Lauryn Hill playing through my headphones no longer soothed my soul, I had to go to drinks with my co-workers….THE HORROR. Continue reading “Surviving After Work Drinks”

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Listen to Your Heart

Love yourself enough to know when its time to walk away…

I know a woman who wanted to be in a relationship. The pressure from those around her was getting too deep. Friends questioned why she was still single and why she didn’t give dating a chance. Their judgment pierced her heart. She didn’t let them know, but it hurt. She felt perfectly fine discovering who she was spiritually, mentally, and professionally. She was making great strides in her life and she took pride in working her way up the success ladder. But all of that didn’t matter to them because she didn’t have a man to validate her.

One day, when she least expected it she met a guy. He saw her in the midst of a sea of women and wanted her. She was flattered. He wasn’t the type of guy she normally went for, but she was open-minded and his persistence was admirable. Turns out, he was exactly who she was looking for. He was educated, ambitious, and he understood her. It took a certain type of man to understand the type of woman she was but he did. Within a few months of talking, they knew a relationship was the next step and made it official. She was on cloud nine. Could this be her husband? Things were great until things weren’t great.

This relationship became a problem when she realized that he struggled with a problem. She went to his house one evening and his overzealousness was an indication that he had been drinking. Continue reading “Listen to Your Heart”

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Living in Purpose: Human Trafficking, Tiffany Wright and my first Docu.

When I was a junior in high school, I joined an organization called Council for Unity. Each year the organization focused on an issue happening around the world to raise awareness to the whole student body in a mandatory forum. Everyone apart of this organization had a role, but the most important thing we did collectively was research the annual issue.

The year I joined, the issue was Human Trafficking. All of my life I never knew such a heinous operation was occurring in the world. We are taught to believe that slavery was abolished in 1863 but it still occurs and millions of men, women, and children are victims of this crime. Human trafficking is a billion-dollar black market industry and despite efforts to contain this problem, it’s growing rapidly.

As a result of my research while in Council for Unity, I was shocked, afraid and empowered all at the same time. I wanted to know everything I could about this issue. I became dedicated to researching and raising awareness about human trafficking. All I could think of was those poor children in Thailand forced to have sex with men, three times their age or the women who put their trust in someone that tells them they can make their dreams of becoming a model come true, only to be tricked into prostitution. Can you imagine being kidnapped, stripped of your passport and identity, beaten, and raped repeatedly, only to feel like there is no way out? To be honest, after learning about human trafficking I was never the same; a part of my innocence was taken away from me after researching these vile things but can you imagine the pain and trauma of these victims? Continue reading “Living in Purpose: Human Trafficking, Tiffany Wright and my first Docu.”

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The Pressure

Oh, the pressure! Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s them, but the pressure exists. The older I get the more I realize I have to try and wean out that pressure in my life. Some people are not meant to be placed in a box and I am one of those people. I feel anxiety when people tell me I can’t fulfill my dreams because it’s not lucrative or won’t make me a million dollars. I also feel that same feeling of not being able to breathe when someone tells me what I should be doing as opposed to what I am currently doing.

I am a creative. I am at my happiest place when I am doing what I love. I am not where I want to be yet, but I believe every single thing I am doing with my life is what I always wanted to do. I have a board in my room and it lists my strengths. Under strengths, it says Human Rights/Human Trafficking/Women Issues, Writing/Blogging/Websites, and Fashion Styling. Yes, fashion styling was something I always wanted to do on the side as a hobby but I never ventured into it for some reason. On the other side of the board, it has travel and a list of places I would love to visit for the year and then finally there’s a list of my ultimate dreams and goals in life. I use this as a source of inspiration. When the year started I told myself I wanted to be bold and consistent. When I look back on the first half of 2015, I’ve definitely been bolder and I’ve tried to be consistent. I manage my Reserved website and blog on both my travel and lifestyle blog. This summer I will release a documentary that I’ve worked on for the past year dealing with human trafficking/prostitution. I’ve also shared some of my projects on social media which is huge and something I still struggle being comfortable with.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is only the beginning and will get better from here. Maya’s video gave me hope. She talks about her come up and how God has blessed her life in so many ways. I am happy she created this video because it serves as a major source of inspiration for my journey as well.

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Summer Summer Summer Time!

There is something about summers in New York. I can’t explain the feeling but it’s just liberating. Each year, there has been some kind of life lesson or personal growth that took place in my life during the summer months. I am inspired to become a better version of myself for the latter part of the year and give life my best foot forward. One of the things I enjoy doing and have been doing every year since I graduated is creating a list of things that I want to do over the summer. It could be something dealing with the arts like exploring a new exhibit, writing more or wearing my hair natural. Whatever it might be, I always try to hold myself accountable to achieve my goals:

2011

When I first graduated from Penn State in 2011, I was lost. I didn’t have the slightest clue where I was going to work in the fall. I had no money and no insight into my future. But those things did not take the fun out of my life. I was shockingly content with finding myself. I let go and let God take control and I allowed myself to live a little. Just getting out of a bad pseudo-relationship, I spent the summer rebuilding my self-esteem, writing, and spending hours on Youtube learning everything there was to know about the big chop and being natural(It would take 2-years before I actually wore my hair natural in public). I even started an earrings business.

DSC02218_2 Continue reading “Summer Summer Summer Time!”

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Making New Friends as an Adult

Why is it that we have this no new friends mentality? I absolutely love meeting new people. I have a lot of friends as it is, but it doesn’t hurt to know more. Sometimes I look at the strange faces on the train and it hits me, I don’t know a thing about these people and I probably never will, but for 20 minutes we share the same train car on the way to work; who are they? what are their dreams? what makes them different? Unfortunately, I will never know the answer, not because I can’t just walk up to them and ask (because I can), but social norms tell me not to.

Growing up making friends came naturally to me, but as I got older I became more reserved. It’s something I need to work on because I understand the value of friendships and shared interests as an adult, both personally and professionally.  I found this video on Buzzfeed and it warmed my heart. As someone said in the video, the first step to building new friendships as an adult is pushing your ego aside and admitting that you want new friends. Check the video out below:

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Natural Grandma

Me: Ma, your curls are just popping; let me take a picture of you!

Grandma: I know they are. Okay, let me put on some lipstick.

My grandmother has no shame. She loves any opportunity to be acknowledged for her beauty which I absolutely love about her. Getting older sometimes can be discouraging because you think your looks are fleeting and no one finds you attractive anymore but she gets compliments every day. People stop her on the street to tell her how amazing her hair looks or how well she did her makeup. She’s beautiful. Her curls are so defined. They just twirl out of her head when she wears it in a wash and go. I had to capture this moment. It made me happy to know that she was happy.

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Four Years!

Four years ago I graduated from college. Unlike my peers, I was not happy about this accomplishment. During my senior year, I applied to Teach for America and did not get into the program, which wasn’t much of a surprise. Teaching was not in my destiny (I later became a Sunday school teacher which was more aligned with my purpose), but what the application process of Teach for America did reveal to me was how much debt I accumulated during my four years of college.

When I saw all those zero’s, I couldn’t believe it. I cried, screamed, yelled, and resented my degree. I resented everything it stood for because the knowledge that I gained in undergrad wasn’t worth that kind of money. I wrote to President Obama because the government was also on my angry list. I couldn’t believe we lived in a country where education, to ultimately make a decent living could be so expensive, especially when there were countries like Sweden, Denmark, and even Germany that sponsor their citizen’s college education. The President responded but clearly, there was nothing he could do.

When I walked across the stage I reluctantly took my degree. A few days later, I packed my bags, got settled back into my family’s apartment in Brooklyn and began to search for jobs. I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I only had until December to figure out my life or else I would be in big trouble with those loan sharks. I applied to jobs daily. I was desperate, willing to take on anything, but what I noticed was that a lot of those positions wanted people with 1-3 years of experience. Immediately, I felt like I hit a wall. Finally, I decided to put my life in God’s hands. I prayed for miracles, started going to church, and lived my life by taking advantage of this time off. I started to volunteer. I also worked for Catholic Charities for 2-months until I was offered a paid position there. My starting salary would be $26k. I remember being so excited when they gave me my offer letter. I called my mom and told her my volunteering efforts landed me my first job. Continue reading “Four Years!”

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Now I Mean Business!

IMG_0384My business cards for Lifestylebyky came in the mail today and I am excited. I have not officially launched this blog to the public (although some people know about it ) but I may have to soon. I can’t wait to network at events with these cards. Building a blog and brand is no easy task but someone has to do it! This blog is literally a fulfillment of one of my many passions. I mean business now.

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Fighting Culture Among Girls&Women…Why?

I’ve never been a fighter. The one time I was probably supposed to fight a girl for trying to “steal my man” I didn’t have the heart to. What was the point? To hurt her? I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Sometimes I would ask God why he made me like this? Passive, never wanting to entertain trouble. People assumed it was a weakness but I look at it as having a big heart. People assumed I was letting others take advantage of me, but it was more about being a nice person. Growing up in Brooklyn, this was one of the many nuances in my personality that made me feel different from others. As a Brooklyn girl you have to be tough, right? Well, I was never like that. I would rather be friends with you than fight you. However, there are so many people, so many young girls to be exact. who feel the opposite.

In order to gain respect, you have to fight and be the champ. For some reason, a lot of girls and guys hold girl fights in such high esteem. I will never forget when I was peer pressured to go to the projects and fight a group of girls to defend one of my friends. I brought a bottle of Clorox to defend myself; otherwise, I would’ve been done for. God was with me that day because the girls never showed up. I vowed never to put myself in such danger again, all in the name of fitting in or proving something to these so-called “friends.” Continue reading “Fighting Culture Among Girls&Women…Why?”