On today’s podcast I talk to Kayla Brooks about The Golden Age of TV and in our lives. Kayla is a friend of mine from my TV Writing class. She’s one of those people that you know will be a future Show Runner in a few years, kind of like a next generation Shonda Rhimes. At the onset of my most recent quarter life crisis, I explained to her how I was feeling and she totally got it. We start the podcast by addressing the ups and downs of life in our twenties. We move on to talk about how amazing it was to watch our stories in the 90s on television and try to solve the mystery of why our stories have sort of been erased from Hollywood (except the ones that address slavery). The key is to be the change you want to see in the world which is what Kayla and I plan to do.
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What are you like 24?
Her question stopped me in my tracks. I haven’t had an issue with my age until turning 27. I actually resented people who lied about their age, just to appeal to others, that is until, I became one of those people.
No. I’m not 24.
Then how old are you?
Ummm (Soft Whisper) 26.
See you’re 26? You’re still really young.
The thing is, 3-months prior to this conversation, I turned 27, and have been dealing with the ramifications of being so close to age 30 ever since. So much so, that I lied. I really try not to lie anymore, especially for something as trivial as age but the guilt of my lie consumed me for the whole day. This situation illustrated to me that I was not comfortable with who I was and what I’ve done so far in my life and that’s never a good feeling. I was being super hard on myself and was not looking at my blessings and all that I’ve attained but only focusing on what has not happened…yet.
Yes, I know I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m still very young. I understand this more than anyone. But the pressure is falling hard on me. I am 27-years old and I still don’t feel like I have it even remotely figured out. The thing that bothers me the most is that I know my career route (the one that I will eventually choose) won’t be straight and narrow and that fear of possibly having to struggle scares me. I have not taken the plunge yet because I am too comfortable in my current situation, and these realizations are making me freak out. But what scares me even more is waking up one day as a middle-aged person and having regrets of not chasing after my dreams and taking risks. Complacency is my biggest fear of all.