Sometimes I look at Bishop T.D Jakes and I am amazed. Here’s a man that started from nothing and by God’s grace has evolved into one of the most inspiring preachers the world has ever encountered. What I admired most about him on this particular day that I watched him, and to be honest, envied a little, was that he was walking and living in his purpose, God’s purpose and that is one of the most significant gifts life has to offer.
A couple of days later, I was asked to come to the church for a meeting on my role as a Sunday School Volunteer. I was told that one of our leaders will be taking a leave and I would assist in running my group as the Service Producer. A service producer is basically running the show. It’s a leadership role and I am responsible for our Sunday’s running smoothly. The role of leadership at church is no easy feat. It comes with a cost and a lot of sacrifices. For one, you have to dedicate more time to your group and the lessons, ensuring that Sundays run effortlessly for the children and parents. Secondly, you have a reputation to uphold as a Sunday School leader. Lastly, you have to lead others and be confident in your skills and leadership. It’s a lot of work, balancing writing lessons, directing lessons, producing skits, props, costumes, prayer, ice breakers, assigning roles, making sure the classrooms are clean, and that the children are having a great time and learning about God.
Little ol’ me was chosen out of everyone to do this job and I am so excited. I never claim to be the best Christian, sometimes I’m afraid of the title of Christian because I am far from the quintessential image of one. But God is amazing like that. If you read his word, he always chooses the least likely in the pack and exalts them. It’s interesting the heights he is taking me in ministry now that I am following his purpose. Although the work may be overwhelming, it’s so rewarding and encourages me in many other compartments in my life. I am always looking for the purpose God has for my life and I know that he is gradually revealing it to me.
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…” – Hebrews 11:1
I lack faith. Some people are ashamed to admit that but I know I do. My church did a class on faith recently, teaching from the book Hebrews Chapter 11, where we dissected the meaning of faith and the people in the bible who exhibited great faith; Abraham, Moses, and David. I was inspired but still failed a test of faith recently.
The test was simple, so simple that I knew it was a test, but still, I failed miserably. I decided to apply for something, which at the time I thought I really wanted. When I was rejected I was very angry. I’ve never been this angry in a long time. That anger turned into questioning the plans that God has for my life, those questions led me to feelings of defeat, and that defeat deflated me completely and I felt so discouraged and depressed. I didn’t have to react so poorly to rejection but I did. I could’ve gone totally against the grain. I could’ve completely remained confident that the next door of opportunity would open but I didn’t. I created a pity party for myself filled with negativity and a spirit that was not aligned with God.
I decided to go to church the next morning in hopes of an answer and I received one. The pastor preached about hindrances and what it means to be blocked from doing something. A hindrance can come from either God or the devil; you just have to be spiritually in tune to decipher who it’s from. I left church feeling empowered. Simply because having faith means putting your trust in God. Sometimes that’s extremely hard. You see other people doing great things and you want to know when your turn will be. You see people building great relationships and you want to know when your time will come. Navigating life with such uncertainty is hard, but that’s where faith comes in.
One of the many beauties of life is the mystery of it. One of the most challenging things about life is not knowing when your expectations will be met. Will it be a year from now or tomorrow? That’s my struggle; I just want to know when. I wish this post was the answer to how I conquered my lack of faith but it’s not. It’s more about transparency than anything. It’s letting you know that as a Christian sometimes it can be hard to keep believing in God’s plans even if we know he wants the best for us. I know for sure God has my back because he always has. I know you’re supposed to be patient and wait on God’s timing for all things, but even though I know this as a fact, it’s hard to accept when it deals with the circumstances of YOUR life and that’s the trouble.