Simple Relationship Advice

You’re Worthy.

As a girl-friend (not girlfriend), the week of Valentines Day is always rough. Valentines Day is a troublemaker when you’re in a relationship or in a situationship because men either don’t pick up on the clues or don’t acknowledge you or the day at all and either situation is problematic to a woman. As much as we say we don’t like Valentines Day (I am not included in this narrative), some women still want to be acknowledged and appreciated. Some women want to know that they are worthy. Some women want to know they are not giving their all without something in return. I think the general consensus is being acknowledged on valentines day doesn’t have to equate a big elaborate gift. It can be as simple as a rose, a poem, a box of candy, or a thoughtful card. Yet, this goes over a lot of guy’s head and they might send a text (and that’s it) or act like the day never happened and call you the next day like “What’s up?” :/

So, as you can imagine there were a lot of fires that I needed to put out that weekend following the big V. It’s important that my friends, other women, and even myself know that we are worthy. What does being worthy mean? It means that as an individual you are an amazing person that deserves everything your heart desires. You deserve the recognition and the acknowledgement that you want and if you’re not getting it then you have to make some adjustments in your life.

Valentines day also helps to put a lot of relationships into perspective. Needless to say I received a lot of calls from fed up friends who were ready to just let it all go and move on from a relationship. My only advice there is Make sure you clean out your closet before jumping into another relationship.

What that means is check yourself. Sometimes we have the tendency to jump in relationships and make the same mistakes with the next guy because there’s something within us, maybe insecurity or a soul tie, maybe we haven’t dealt with past hurts or rejection that we don’t want to resonate. Cleaning house means taking the time after a relationship ends to work on you and build a stronger relationship with God. It means directing your focus away from someone else and giving it all to yourself and what makes you happy; building yourself up so you can be a better person and girlfriend or wife (since that’s the goal for most women) the next time around.

Setting Standards: The Text That Brought Me Out of My Blogging Hiatus

The Text That Brought Me Out of My Blogging Hiatus and Why its Important for Women to raise our Standards and Keep it Up!

I’ve been on a mini-blogging vacation for 5-months, but on Thursday, during a full moon, which my astrological-loving coworker said would stir stuff up, I received the below text message and immediately knew, it was time to come back from my hiatus and write or vent (which ever seemed more appropriate) about this.

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The Back Story: I’ve known this person for years, since I was 19. It’s been on and off for the most part. Him, super handsome. Beautiful brown puppy dog eyes, 6-ft tall, mocha colored. I knew I liked him from when I first saw him. But for some reason I could never take him 100% seriously, and I never understood why. We were extremely attracted to each other, but we both couldn’t understand why our relationship attempts never worked. So we remained friends. Whenever I called he was there and the same was given in return. He’s my old faithful and I’m his. If both of us are not married by 45…what the hell!

Then this happened. I was going over to his new apartment to check it out (Of course, I helped him with his search but he would never give me credit for that) and to be quite honest who knew what would happen. Maybe we would kiss? Maybe he would complain that I was being awkward…again. Maybe I would complain that his laugh was stupid and annoying. Maybe we would cook or Netflix and chill. It was a tempting situation, I’ll be the first to admit it, I’m not a novice to these things, but I ignored God’s subtle warnings, as I made up my mind to see his apartment. It looked nice on Facetime and I wanted to see it IRL.

As work began to wind down, I texted him to follow up with our plans. He said he just woke up from a nap but couldn’t pick me up because he had to do laundry; if I still wanted to come over the choice was mine but he would go half-on an Uber with me. There were many things I wanted to say. My first thought “Go Half on an Uber?” I am exhaling as I write this. This situation showed me that we have to raise our standards. This is not only for women but for men too. When we know that a person has everything going on, is fine as hell, but the relationship is still not working, then its time to let it go. It’s so important to be equally yoked with your partner. It’s so important not to compromise yourself for someone who doesn’t even think you’re worth it. It’s so important to take heed to the red flags. I could’ve dusted it under the rug, as this type of behavior from him is not anything new, but I was angered by this situation for several reasons:

Priorities: As this man put a pile of laundry before me, my friend and her fiancée was driving to pick me up from work to take me to an event that I asked them to accompany me to. When I told them that the event was cancelled, they still insisted on driving into midtown to pick me up and take me home.When you have friends that will go out of their way for you it shows you what you’re deserving of. Yet here, I have a man, that can’t even drive 15-minutes to pick me up from my home, let alone to Midtown Manhattan. It sounds like I am being spoiled and dependent. I’m not. I am not a priority to him and being put second to laundry is a red flag that I can’t ignore any more.

My Worth in his eyes: In his eyes, I wasn’t worth a $12 Uber, only half of that. In my eyes I am worth so much more. Sometimes this is the hard truth about the people in our lives that we don’t want to see. But someone’s actions speak louder than their words and the reality check on this one was so real. I can see this situation happening when I was younger (and it never did) so as an adult, it’s almost belittling.

Not the One: Because he’s been in my life for so long I would question if he would be the one, eventually. But he’s not. History doesn’t define a life partner and a great husband, love and action does.

“Thank You” was all I could muster up as a reply back to him. Thank You for revealing your true colors before I compromised myself. I came to my senses and realized this was God’s  way of revealing to me what I refused to see before. This was him protecting me, as he did so many times in the past. This was him reminding me that my body was a temple and that my actual husband would never demean me like this. This was him telling me that I should not put myself in tempting situations and that I have to be patient with his process for me. Thank You God for always being there, as my father, my protector, and my best friend. Setting standards means knowing when to walk away from a situation that lowers your worth. I’m walking away because I know there’s so much more waiting for me, true love even.

Living in Purpose: Human Trafficking, Tiffany Wright and my first Docu.

When I was a junior in high school, I joined an organization called Council for Unity. Each year the organization focused on an issue happening around the world to raise awareness to the whole student body in a mandatory forum. Everyone apart of this organization had a role, but the most important thing we did collectively was research the annual issue.

The year I joined, the issue was Human Trafficking. All my life, I never knew such a heinous operation was occurring in the world. We are taught to believe that slavery was abolished in 1863 but it still occurs and millions of men, women, and children are victims to this crime. Human trafficking is a billion dollar black market industry and despite efforts to contain this problem, it’s growing rapidly.

I was shocked, afraid and empowered all at the same time. I wanted to know everything I could about this issue. I became dedicated to researching and raising awareness about Human Trafficking. All I could think of was those poor children in Thailand forced to have sex with men 3-times their age or naive women who put their trust in someone that tells them they can make their dreams of becoming a model true, only to be tricked into prostitution. Can you imagine being kidnapped, stripped of your passport and identity, beaten, and raped repeatedly, only to feel like there is no way out? To be honest, after learning about human trafficking I was never the same; a part of my innocence was taken away after researching these vile things but it couldn’t be compared to the innocence taken away from the actual victims. Continue reading “Living in Purpose: Human Trafficking, Tiffany Wright and my first Docu.”