Letter to my 15 year old self

Dear Young and in Love,

You are beautiful. You are mature and you get what you want. You are very blessed. Your life is in transition yet you manage to stay true to yourself. You are one confident person. You love your friends, you live for your boyfriend but you are not having such great luck with your family. They don’t understand you. They want you to succeed and you do as well but having a social life and being popular is way more important. You find out about your mother’s past a lot during this period. It finally hits you that your mother was only 22 when she had you…22, which meant she was still very young and still had her whole life to live before you came into the picture. Talk about dreams deferred. You finally understand why your grandmother and aunt are saying “Shes going to end up just like her mother.” Does this comment sting? Sure it does because you are very protective of your mother. Although you are at odds with her, she means the world to you and you would be nothing without her.

If ending up just like your mother means being the positive light that she is, then you are more than happy to do so because she is a strong black woman who has been through it all, lost her husband at 26 and became a single parent overnight, yet was still able to hold her own and not ask for one ounce of pity.

Young and in love, you are losing your way. School is not a privilege but a burden. You fake sick in the nurses’ office so you can leave school early. You invite all your friends and your boyfriend friends to your house after school and sneak them into your closet when someone comes home early. When do you have time to do your homework? Did you forget you need to do good in high school to get into a decent college? When will you realize you are jeopardizing your life by the poor choices you are making now…who are you? You spent all your life getting good grades and being smart. When will you understand that you have to start taking your life and future seriously?
Love. You are fortunate to have found true love at such a young and innocent age. You’ve met your soul mate. He is kind. He is sweet. He is innocent. He is patient. You have this unrelenting passion for him. You are in a love far greater than your years which is why you don’t really know how to handle your feelings and emotions. You are in a reciprocated type of love.
You live in a world where sex is the thing to do in a relationship. Are you ready for such a huge commitment? Well, I guess you are, since you’re “so grown.” So once you and your boyfriend establish your unrelenting love for one another you take it upon yourself to say “Let’s Do It.” His face is mixed with shock and excitement but he obliges quickly and that night, just like that, it happened.
The next day no one could tell you that you were not a woman. You called just about every friend you had bragging about how romantic your experience was. Romantic indeed. Till this day you can still say you lost your virginity with no regrets. It was with a guy who loved you more than anything and you didn’t have to fear like so many other girls your age that he would go telling everyone about your escapades with him. Not only was he the love of your life but your best friend.
Young and in love you are a risk-taker. You live in the moment, you take chances and you do things without thinking. Some of the decisions you make during this time will have an effect on your near future, yet you are living life and enjoying the trials of being a teenager.

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