Reserved: set apart or kept for a specific purpose
I’ve been battling this idea of Purpose for a long time. Now more than ever I have this feeling that I much rather live in my purpose, doing something that I love and always wanted to do, rather than chase money. My heart turns over when I hear countless people work for the sole purpose of money “chasing money” being all about their “paper” because what kind of peace can that bring to your life? The irony of monetary gain is that you’ll never have enough, thus you’ll always be chasing but I know I want more. There has to be more to life. There has to be a reason why God deemed me necessary to be on this earth.
One Saturday in 2012, my mom dragged me to an event hosted by an amazing women’s organization. I say dragged because I really didn’t want to go anywhere that my mom would enjoy; it was an automatic inclination that I would hate it. Yet unbeknownst to me, this event changed my life. I learned the meaning of purpose. I learned what it looked like to be a woman of purpose as all the women at this event were not only God-fearing women but classy and successful as well. I listened as the keynote speaker laid out ways to live in purpose and I left this event feeling rejuvenated and enlightened. I wanted to find my purpose. The only question was, how?
A few months later, I was given an opportunity to work on Reserved. Reserved was a vision of my dad who wanted to introduce women programming to his network, Soundbooth TV. It was a true calling as the heavens opened and the angels were singing. I’ve always wanted to work with women. Ever since I could remember I searched for ways to empower women, and now a whole operation was being handed over to me at no cost; the only thing I had to do was make Reserved thrive.
Initially, the exchange between my dad and me was a no brainer. I would introduce a new roster of interesting topics that all women would appreciate; I would change the look and the feel of Reserved and turn Reserved into something I knew it was capable of being. Reserved would be huge because there were hardly any shows showcasing millennial women who are smart and ambitious doing great things with their lives and having a platform to discuss the issues they care about. I wanted to show the world that women did not have to be against one another but for each other. I wanted to change the game. However, as time progressed, my vision got fuzzy. I became fearful of failure. What if no one responded to this? What if people would not support it? What if it was done by someone else already? I struggled with the premise of Reserved as well; would it be a Christian based show? or would Reserved address the issues that all women faced-Christian or not? Would Reserved be like any other bubble gum talk show or would it hit home for many women as we explored the hard truths of womanhood? I struggled internally with my own capabilities. I was insecure. I never produced or directed anything a day in my life, how would I know if what I was doing was right? I was afraid that my inexperience would be seen by others. I was doubtful of my capabilities of taking this project to the next level, it all seemed impossible. I talked myself out of this opportunity. I let the devil feed my mind with lies that I was not good enough or that I wasn’t even enough. As time went on I continued to push through with the project spending countless nights up editing the website, creating press kits, researching, sending emails and I felt like everything I was doing was in vain because I no longer believed in myself. I had too many people telling me how to run Reserved. I had too many people dictating to me how Reserved should be and what they would and would not do. Too many egos, too many disorganized meetings, and I realized everything that was going astray was solely because of me. I lost sight of the mission, I lost sight of the vision. I lost sight of the purpose and because I lost sight of the true meaning of Reserved my team did as well. It wasn’t about scripts, makeup artists and what clothes everyone would wear. It was about bringing the stories of women to the forefront, giving women a voice. Reserved was really about the overall empowerment of women.
I needed a break and fast. I spent the year 2014 trying to find purpose outside of Reserved. I traveled all over Europe and explored cities that I’ve always dreamed of visiting. I realized that I had such a passion for travel. I went on to volunteer for an amazing travel platform for millennials in which I learned the ins and outs of a growing and thriving business. I got a promotion at work, I met an amazing guy and yet with all these great things happening in my life, something still didn’t feel right. Throughout the year I was constantly reminded of Reserved by pictures, friends, family, my dad, all wanting to know what happened? Every time they asked, I felt discontented in my soul. I knew I was running, but when something is meant for you to complete, nothing you do can keep you away from it. I knew one day I would have to confront Reserved again. Yes, I thought if I could just find other interests in my life then all would be well but to be honest I found purpose in Reserved. Reserved was something I could call my own. It was a creation that gave me extreme purpose. Not only was I just Kydee, but I was Kydee the producer, director, stylist, blogger, marketer, talent scout, administrator, and visionary. I learned a true lesson of life from Reserved, that we are who we want to be and with that being said I could no longer run away from my purpose.
So today, I make a declaration to work my heart and soul into redefining Reserved in the year 2015, and what better time than the present, a new year is among us and I want to make this year great for Reserved. I am going to build a great team and great content. I am going to work hard to share stories and to make Reserved more interactive and engaging for our audience. I am going to redefine Reserved and just be better this year. I’ve matured greatly in the last year and I understand how amazing an opportunity Reserved is. I thank everyone who has supported us thus far and I hope and pray you will continue to do so. If at first you don’t succeed try and try again and I am making an oath to try until Reserved is as successful as I originally envisioned it to be.