Life according to Ky
The first book that I read this year was Cleo Wade “Where to Begin.” With everything going on with the world it’s a breath of fresh air and the much-needed encouragement we all need to do the internal work in ourselves, treat others as we would want to be treated, and chase after all of our passions that will ultimately impact the world.
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This is not only a book review but a testimony. Elaine Welteroth is someone who I admire. Her career trajectory was meteoric and aspirational. She flipped corporate cultures upside down and paved the way for many through her boldness and advocacy for diversity and inclusion. I had the pleasure of interviewing her for work during her book tour and it was one of the highlights of my career. Check out my review of her book More Than Enough.
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My morning routine keeps me balanced and sane (but sometimes it makes me late). The truth is, I am not a morning person. If I’m going to spend most of my day at work, I think it’s pivotal to carve time out for myself. But the deeper truth is that I use my mornings to spend time with God. As I get closer to God, I realize the importance of prioritizing him before anything else in my day. In all honesty, it’s hard to do and sometimes, I am not able to, but the intent is always there. Whenever I prioritize God in the morning, I have more confidence and I feel empowered. Yeah, things may happen that will annoy me throughout the day, but it doesn’t bother me as much. I have a sense of peace and protection over me.
Starting my day with God as my priority means, shutting off my alarm clock and not immediately flipping to Instagram. It means putting the phone away and replacing it with my bible and notebook. Then spending a few chapters reading and studying, followed by a prayer.
If I still have more time, I pull out my journal and start writing. Maybe it’s about the previous day or creating a list of things to do, but I use my mornings to reconnect with myself before I dedicate 10-hours at work. We spend so much time pouring into others and not enough into ourselves.
Below are some of my favorite books in the old testament of the bible, that pack strong lessons in wisdom, leadership, and courage. These book suggestions also show us who God is. God cannot be defined but we can learn more about his character by reading his word. Within the last year, I’ve studied these books and can attest to how powerful they are.
What is Books By Ky (Formerly By Ky Books)? Well, if you’ve been a follower of this blog, then you know I’ve been sharing some of my favorite books with you for years. Something that I’ve wanted to do since around 2016 is start a Book Youtube channel for book reviews and book recommendations. This year, I finally took the leap and launched Books By Ky @booksbyky.You can learn more about it by watching the below video. Don’t forget to check out my book reviews which I will be posting on this site as well. In the meantime, you can purchase all of my book recommendations here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky. Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.
I will be very honest right now, before the quarantine, I thought I was going to burnout. Life was happening too fast. A lot of change in both my professional and personal life all at once was hard to process. I remember one day, waiting for the train in the hustle and bustle of the morning, I was probably late, and thinking to myself, how can I slow down? I daydreamed of possibly taking a week off, just to focus on me. About 2-weeks after that, shelter in place in New York City was mandated. While being sensitive to all of the uncertainty and turmoil of COVID-19, the complete pause in work and life was just what I needed. Thank you, Jesus.
I welcome this much-needed break to get in touch with myself again. I am so grateful for this time to just be. I love working from home. My commute was insane, crowded trains, every single day can wear a person down. I love spending time with my dog. I love zoom calls with my friends. I’ve been able to carve out time to read and write; My last post on this blog was in 2018…two years ago! I also listen to music and watch the Verzuz battles without guilt.
Speaking of the Verzuz battles, I am obsessed with them. The battle between Babyface and Teddy Riley...Babyface won in my eyes, but Teddy had hits. The battle between Johnta Austin and Neyo…Johnta won hands down, but I was reminded of all of Neyo’s hits. He should’ve played “Say It,” that’s one of his better songs. Clearly, I only care about the R&B battles, but I’ve followed the others as well. There’s been a drought of good R&B music so it’s nice to see it get some notoriety again. Jamming to DJ D-Nice on the weekends brings such a smile on my face and a real sense of community. I’ve literally added 50-songs to my Apple Music playlist because of his sets. I also had time to discover new artists, who I know will be my favorite, like Doja Cat. Her sound is a breath of fresh air. Would I have had time to listen to her latest album three times in one day before this? Probably not, but I did today.
Watching TV and movies without a care in the world is now one of my favorite past times. Below, I share some of the TV shows and movies I’ve watched in the last month. Trust me, I have more, but was trying to limit my list (will share my suggestions more often). Unorthodox on Netflix was probably my favorite. Only 4-episodes but it packed a punch and left an impression on me. I’ve always been intrigued by Orthodox Jews. Especially since I grew up in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. Tiger King was so insane, I had to pick up my jaws a few times while watching. Awkafina is Nora from Queens, is hilarious. Her grandma reminds me of mine, just an Asian version. Malcom X was such a powerful movie. I believe it was one of Spike’s best movies. Everyone is throwing shade at #BlackAF but I actually loved it-Bring on Season 2. Twenties, is such a dope show. If I was ever to write a show, it would be similar vibes.
I say this all to say that we are in this together. This is such a unique time of being still and we should really utilize it to tap into who we are and who we want to be when we survive this season of quarantine. Use this time to stay home (if you can and as much as you can), allow yourself to dream, practice discipline, take online classes, utilize youtube and other resources for fitness, practice boundaries with working from home and not allowing it to seep into your personal time, connect with family and really appreciate the value of life.
The 52 List Project is a book that I rediscovered during this season of quarantine and it has served as a form of self-care, intentionality, and a means of escape. In 2018, I purchased it in hopes that I would complete it at the end of the year. However, from the looks of it, I’ve only completed up to week 24 and then I put it down to collect dust. Revisiting this book during this time was actually therapeutic. I was able to review all of my hopes in 2018 and reflect on how much my life has changed since then. Now, I have all intention of completing the book to my best ability. I never realized how powerful creating lists about your life, hopes, and dreams could truly be. Below are some of my favorite prompts from the book thus far. Please take the time to answer the below questions for yourself.
It was the first warm Saturday in April, after a viciously long winter season. My friend and I were at a bar, enjoying the weather and a tropical drink. The vibrations in the packed restaurant were high, everyone had the same idea to get out of the house and enjoy a delicious dinner. We stood at the crowded bar because the wait for service was over an hour and the bar seats were taken. Engulfed in my friend’s story, I shook my head in agreement with her as she spoke and then I heard someone say “Excuse me.” Before I even turned around, I was shifted out of my place and moved to the side by someone. It was a man, trying to get the attention of the bartender. I do not know what was worst, the fact that he said excuse me, while shifting me to the side or that he physically shifted me. I was livid. I questioned if I was PMS’ing because I got so mad. I’m usually pretty calm and understanding about these situations, especially considering how packed the restaurant was, but I was angry.
I could not continue the conversation with my friend. I just stared at him. My friend catching the cue stared at him too. He must’ve felt our ice-cold eyes on him because he ordered his drinks and then proceeded to tell the bartender, “Whatever they are having put it on my tab because clearly, they stopped talking when I came around.” With a straight face, I said, “You touched me. You literally shifted me.” He replied, “I was only trying to order, I’m sorry sweetheart.” I rolled my eyes and he called me mean. He said my friend clearly was the nice one. I was angry at that moment and I didn’t know why. He offered to buy us dinner but we declined. It was a girl’s night and we were enjoying each other’s company. Later on, when he was done with his dinner, not only did we finally get a seat at the bar, but he approached us again. I was able to explain to him how offensive his gesture was. I tapped him on his side, since I couldn’t physically shift him, because he was bigger than me, to illustrate how invasive he was to my space and my body. He finally agreed that I was right and moving forward he would be more aware of it. It was a happy ending to a complex history of objectification and patriarchy. The next day, I questioned if I overreacted. Then I heard Tracee Ellis Ross’ April 2018 TED Talk and I realized the root to my anger. In it, she refers to a similar situation that happened to her friend at a post office:
“This fury was not my friend’s alone. Her fury was ignited by lifetimes of men helping themselves to women’s bodies without consent…There’s a culture of men helping themselves to women, and in this case, in a seemingly innocuous way, where a woman’s body is like a saltshaker: ‘Get out of the way so I can get to the fries.’” –Tracee Ellis Ross
It’s sad that it took Tracee Ellis Ross’ speech to give me permission to feel comfortable with my reaction. She gave me permission to not only be angry but furious and to revel in that fury because it’s generational and it’s a compilation of the fury of my ancestors. The fury of the women before me who had no agency over their bodies…their bodies! Yes, my personal anecdote may seem innocuous and I probably would have never written about it had I not seen this TED Talk, but #TIMESUP
The season 2 premiere of Insecure was like soul food. Issa’s character awkwardly over thinks herself into crazy situations, setting her expectations high and leaving her disappointed; similar to what I do on a daily basis, especially when it comes to my love life. As the twists and turns of the episode unfolded, I found myself shaking my head and screaming at the screen “No girl.” Not from a place of judgment but from a place of understanding. Been there and done all of that.
Thus, If Issa was my friend, was born. My Iyanla senses want me to get to the root of Issa and Molly’s decisions this episode. I want to be apart of their friend circle anyway, so this is technically, me, bringing the idea of having Issa as my best friend in my head to life. See how that works?
If Issa was my friend, I would’ve told her, “No! Don’t sleep with Lawrence. They always come back but that doesn’t mean you should give up the goodies as soon as they do. He’s just not ready.”
Breakups are rough, especially when the woman is the one who cheated and is at fault for it. Some guys in these situations, develop these self-righteous attitudes like they are so much better than the cheating woman. They act as if they are so disgusted by the presence of this woman. Even if the guy wasn’t so innocent in the relationship himself, something happens to his ego when a woman cheats; his ego is crushed and he pretty much changes.
This is what we are seeing happening to Lawrence. Lawrence loved Issa but now that Issa betrayed his trust, he’s unforgiving. My only issue with this is societal double standards that are in favor of men when they cheat but not when women do. When a man cheats, the woman is supposed to forgive and get over it. Which in most cases we usually do. Society tells us to accept the reality of a cheating man because “MEN CHEAT.” Whether that is true or not, we have desensitized cheating for men, but have not done the same for women. When a woman cheats, the consequences are grim. The men in these situations are not as forgiving and they are conditioned to walk away from the situation without any chance of reconciliation. Lawrence’s first instinct wasn’t to forgive Issa, it was to hurt her as much as she hurt him. It was to sleep with other women. Not once was it to hear Issa’s pleas of forgiveness. I am not condoning cheating for men or women, but I think the standards for each gender should be equal.
Issa created an awesome plan to show Lawrence that she’s living her best life by throwing a Wine Down party. She thought he was coming over but he, in turn, sends that disappointing text that he wasn’t going to make it. The feeling of defeat on her face was a little sad. Getting disappointed by an ex that you love and so desperately want to make amends with is always rough. But he eventually came around.
What we saw happen on that couch was not an act of love. That was a quickie. Let’s not get it twisted. Issa opened a door for a friends with benefits situation. Lawrence and Issa are not back together, just yet. Lawrence is not looking at her in a loving way, although he still has love for her. She’s a sexual object now, a release for his pent up anger and that kiss on the cheek at the end was a slap in the face. I know we’re supposed to believe that he’s coming back. I know that cringe-worthy smirk on Issa’s face at the end of the episode means that even she thinks he’s coming back, but he’s not. Not yet. He’s hurt, his ego is bruised, and he still has to unpack some of those feelings. Sometimes men jump prematurely into situations with other women to deal with their hurt. Lawrence is now with Tasha who seems to uplift him, despite her messing with the chances of him and Issa getting back together. Issa, however, is going to have to figure out how to live life without Lawrence in the meantime and iron out all of her issues so when Lawrence does finally come back, which he will, she’s ready for the relationship that they both deserve. If she still even wants that.
Patience-Process-Purpose, are the three lessons I learned in the last couple of years navigating my life but more specifically, my career. I was discouraged for some time but at the right time, God came through and answered my prayers for the direction I wanted to go in my life.
Patience: Sometimes we need to humble ourselves in times of frustration. We need to take a deep breath and realize that although we are in a situation we don’t want to be in, it’s only temporary. So be patient, let God work in your life until your blessing is harvested.
Process: You learn the most on your journey to success during the process. You have to enjoy the moment, it makes you resilient. Learn as much as you can during this time and put your trust in God that you’re going to be fine in the end. Spend this time learning your passions. The process promotes growth.
Purpose: Isn’t this the goal? Sometimes we have to go through everything we do before God reveals to us what our purpose is. Keep believing.
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The word memoir used to sound like the most boring thing ever when I was younger. I stayed away from those types of stories. But within the last year, I’ve read more of them and it has grown into one of my favorite types of narratives. I think there’s something so inspirational about reading someone’s story (dead or alive) and learning how they navigated life. Life is full of ups and downs and we don’t have an instruction manual for it. Sometimes we all get confused about our place in it or if we will ever achieve our goals, but when you read how others navigated their lives and see that their situations were no different from yours it gives you a sense of hope and sometimes may even inspire you to take risks and go after dreams. I am one of those people who google the age of celebrities that I admire to compare where they were at my age. I know this is an odd thing to do, but I do it, to make sure I am on the right track. Most times I realize that I am, but there’s always that extraordinary person who’s killing it in their teens or twenties. For me, some of the key elements of really good memoirs are:
Some of the memoirs that I read recently have all three of these characteristics:
Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X
Assata An Autobiography by Assata Shakur
Redefining Realness by Janet Mock
The Education of Kevin Powell by Kevin Powell
My Voice by Angie Martinez
A memoir that I am looking forward to reading this year is Foxy: My Life in Three Acts
What are your favorite memoirs?
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