Venting: The State of America in MY eyes

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The content of this blog post is solely my personal views. 

In the last 2-years, I’ve had the privilege of traveling to 10-countries, from Africa to Asia, from Asia to Europe. But never, have I been more conscious of my race than when I am in America. In Italy, locals stared at my skin color, enamored. In Spain, two women were overjoyed upon hearing I was from New York. In Paris, I was told that  I was “Tres Bouge” or bougie as we call it. In London, I was just among the crowd of other diverse locals and tourists enjoying the city. Not once, having to wear the burden of my blackness on my sleeve, but in America, I am not bougie or a sophisticated New Yorker first, I am black, the “disadvantaged” race, the one whose ancestors were slaves and hung from trees. And I am wary of what the next 4-years during a Trump Presidency will bring.

They’ve already started. “Go back to Africa” they chant. “Nigger” they say, without shame anymore, because the leader of the free world used his campaign to incite hate and bigotry. He made fun of a disabled reporter, he vilified Muslims and he said we needed a wall for Mexico because their immigrants are criminals and rapists. He called us “The African Americans” and asked us “What do you have to lose?” only making it more apparent he would never be in touch with us as a people. “Sir, we have a lot to lose with you because you don’t get it” I replied back to the TV screen, my voice unheard. But to make matters worse, his treatment of women came out to the press like a whirlwind and eventually, it was just dusted under the rug. No one cared that he sexually harassed and assaulted women, exclaiming “just grab them by the…” too explicit for my blog. As women we are already dealing with sexual harassment in the workplace at record numbers, will having a President who partakes in this behavior only make our situation worse? And after listing all of the wrongdoings of this man, on Tuesday November 8, 2016, a day I will never forget, we made Donald Trump the President of the United States. Yep, America voted and their voice was heard.

My friend asked me “Will you give him a chance?” I was initially insulted by the question. She had to feel as angry, as uncertain, and as betrayed as me…didn’t she? Did they ever give Obama a chance?  They made his life a living hell. They told him No before he could present a new idea or legislation, they wanted nothing to do with the success of an African American president, it was bad enough “The African American” was in office. The republicans never went on TV saying, “Give Obama a chance” did they? They couldn’t allow a man with his skin color to be successful because it might open doors for more like him in the coming years. I’ll never forget during Obama’s first State of the Union address, Congressman Joe Wilson, screamed out “You lie” literally calling him a liar in front of all of America, discrediting him, discrediting his power, using his white privilege to disrespect the President of the United States, because even though he had the highest title in America he was still black and the whole ordeal for lack of a better word was unprecedented. But they did it and continued to do it. Denying gun laws after the fatal mass shooting of Sandy Hook first graders, calling him a lame duck, discrediting ObamaCare, literally shutting down congress while Ted Cruise, the filibuster, read Green Eggs & Ham. I remember watching the ordeal and losing brain cells simultaneously. And, Mr. Trump, saying nasty things about President Obama from day one, including an outlandish campaign questioning his citizenship. I will never, ever forget the sacrifice that Obama made for this country despite all of the push back he received and how many people wanted to see him fail. So a question like “Will you give Trump a chance?” is almost insulting. My friend proceeded to say “Trump is God’s child too.”

One of the only things I will say that I agree with Mr. Trump during his post-election attacks on Hillary Clinton was that she didn’t campaign in the right states. On Election Day, I was filled with pride and tears, as I watched the swarms of Brooklyn locals line up to vote. We would have our first woman president; our daughters would never think it was not possible for them –hooray! It was a proud moment because I felt like America was finally progressing forward, leaving behind its stained past. It was a temporary feeling though and eventually, I had to confront the loss of Hillary Clinton’s campaign. First, I blamed myself. Maybe I could’ve done more. Maybe I could’ve campaigned more. Maybe just maybe I could’ve been more involved. But we were comfortable. No one saw a Trump win coming not even him. Hillary was more qualified. She had more experience. She was the better candidate, but for some reason, she didn’t connect with a lot of people. So Trump was right, she didn’t campaign hard enough in the right states. I think her team got comfortable. They just knew they would win the same states that Obama had won, but Obama’s charisma and personal popularity won him those critical swing states. Hillary greatly suffered in the character area. People really didn’t like nor trust her. Clinton also put her campaign headquarters in Brooklyn, which I understood was a cool thing, but in my opinion a bad choice. New Yorkers are going to vote democrat regardless, Hillary you needed to be in those states that were complaining from hell to high waters about how isolated they felt by Washington. Another mistake she made was Tim Kane. Tim Kane is a really nice guy, really, I like him, but he wasn’t revolutionary enough. People complained that a vote for Hillary meant a vote for the elite Washington establishment and she knew this. Tim Kane represented that too. Not the elite part, but the typical white male part. She needed a woman as her Vice President, or better yet, she needed Bernie Sanders! Again, they played it too safe, and so she lost. A terrible upset, to a man who wasn’t even close to her political and intellectual level and was well aware of that too.

Since we are talking about women, I want to finally address first ladies. In my lifetime, before Michelle, there was Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush. Hillary always seemed like she had her own political ambitions, which was very commendable to me and Laura seemed like a nice woman. But I didn’t connect with any of them as much as I did, Michelle Obama. Michelle Obama was the best first lady to date in my opinion. She was classy, down to earth, intelligent, and just a dignified and integral woman. Ivy-league educated, I remember when I first saw her brown skin on a cover of Ebony and was proud that President Obama chose her, relieved and proud that she looked like me. I know that shouldn’t matter but it did. While in office, I remember being initially disappointed in her campaign Lets Move. Obesity and a healthy lifestyle…who cares? Wasn’t she going to do stuff for us women? But then as if it were overnight, eating healthy became the thing to do, and soon I was thanking her for her initiatives because I became a victim of the freshman 15 while at Penn State. Michelle rapped about the importance of getting an education, she went on talk shows and danced, she brought the who’s who to the White House, and it felt good to see people, my age, people that looked like me, doing their thing and meeting the first family. She loved the veterans and their families, that’s one of the times you would get an emotional reaction from her. She also eventually started Let Girls Learn and Reach Higher, promoting education domestically and around the world. In the midst of all she had going on, she was “Mom-in-Chief” as she called her self, raising two beautiful and amazing daughters. I am protective of Michelle Obama. I love her as if I know her and I still get a little angry that our upcoming first lady stole her speech. The whole ordeal was unreal. Only in America can a Caucasian first lady plagiarize the speech of an African American first lady and it disappears from the media mill after 3-days. But if it was the other way around, I shudder to think if that black first lady and her husband’s campaign would’ve ever seen the light of day…AGAIN. Only in America could Michelle Obama be attacked for wearing a dress that exposed her arms while our upcoming first lady posed nude for a magazine. I have literally seen Melania Trump exposed, but we’re ignoring that too. Privilege is real and I don’t want anyone to forget how hurtful this is to our community. The playing field is not equal according to your race and we still have a lot of work to do.

Now, it would be remiss, if I were making it seem like other countries are more progressive than America because that’s not the case either. Each and every country has its issues and each country has its “disadvantaged race or tribe” but in America, it feels like race is one of the biggest problems to date. We choose to ignore the elephant in the room and it seems like race will be a bigger problem during the Trump Era as well.

However, despite everything going on, I am not afraid. I am not hopeful either. But I know that being idle is no longer an option. We, who are against what’s going on, need to get out there and lobby on Washington, find our nearest elected official’s office and ask, how can we serve? We all seem to be waiting for our next leader to save us when our next leader is both you and I. We are in control of our destiny and we need to start taking ownership of our political futures. Also, we need to pray, really hard, because only God can control what’s happening.

Hiatus

To state the obvious, I’ve been on hiatus for the last 5-months. I started an interview process for a new job around August and finally started working in October, so as you can imagine it was rigorous and all of my time and focus had to be there.

Then around the same time, I partnered with my friend Kadia to create The Pop-Up Care Shop, a Pop Up Shop for homeless women.

Now, I wouldn’t say I am back in full force, blogging like I used to, but I will say I am consciously making an effort. The thing about me is, if I don’t feel it, I don’t write it. I can’t force myself to write when it’s not authentic and for the past few months life got in the way and I suffered from severe writer’s block and a lack of inspiration. So be patient with me, and enjoy this new wave of posts that are going to come to you in 5-4-3-2-1.

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Protect Your Destiny

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Were you offended by his question? My friend asked me this one Friday evening while we were catching up. A few weeks prior, I went out with a group of friends to a cool spot in Bedstuy called  Lover’s Rock, which gives off all types of Love Jones vibes.

We didn’t see each other for a while so we sat around our table and caught up. There was one friend there that is notorious for asking questions. So he asked me “What are you doing, career-wise? What are your next steps…?” That’s when the conversation got awkward. If you know anything about me, I am not one to talk about everything that I am doing. I’m also not one to count my chickens before they hatch. So was it so bad when I said: “Sorry I can’t share with you…”
This response piqued his interest further because he continued to pry. I held on tightly to my original sentiments…”No!”
 Maybe it came off weird to everyone at the table. Maybe you’re also thinking what’s the big deal? But sometimes when you are dealing with something as huge and significant as your destiny and what you’re going to do with the rest of your life it has to remain between you and God until the time is right. I could’ve created an elaborate story of dreams and goals and everything my “inner” heart desired for conversation’s sake, but what good would that do? I’m in a season of transition, so it’s vital for me to be still and wait on God. Therefore, until the changes God has for me are revealed, I can’t be rambling to every and anyone about my plans because some people, even the ones that are closest to you may not understand and quite frankly, it’s not meant for them to understand. As Sarah Jakes said, “Your destiny is not a democracy.”
I say this all to say, protect your destiny. Everyone doesn’t have the right to know what’s between you and God because it’s between you and God. Your destiny is not up for conversation or discussion. Be still and let God direct your life because he will reveal, in his perfect timing, the plans that he has for you to shine and he will also give you peace in your heart for the people you can actually reveal these revelations to; just know it’s not everyone.

 

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Contentment

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I walked home from church one Saturday afternoon, after spending the whole morning writing scripts for our Sunday school’s upcoming lessons. I passed through Park Slope and debated if I should go to my favorite Chinese restaurant, Mr. Wonton.  My stomach cravings got the best of me. I walked in and noticed a young, black woman, sitting in the corner, eating General Tso’s Chicken. She was alone. I was empowered by how carefree she was. I’ve eaten by myself before, but seeing her there, at that moment, reminded me how long it’s been since I’ve been a solo diner. I asked for a seat in the back of her, not to be a lurker but her area offered the best seating in the restaurant. I ordered shrimp fried rice and a shrimp roll. They brought over noodle chips with a bowl of duck sauce. I giddily enjoyed a delicious meal, and my fortune told me “If you can shape it in your mind, you will find it in your life…”

That simple moment led me to think about how content I was. I am single. I’ve been single for quite some time now, however it was the first time in my life where I didn’t feel shame about my singleness or even, complain about it. I love myself. I really do, and it took such a long time to get here but I am here. I don’t want to settle in a relationship. I don’t want to attract men with empty promises and an inability to be faithful. I don’t want to compromise myself anymore. I don’t want to lose myself either. I don’t want to give and not get the same back in return. I don’t want to feel alone, even though I have the title of a girlfriend. I don’t want to be worried about where my man is or why he hasn’t called me all day. I don’t want to question if he will feel the same joy that I feel about my birthday or Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to push my man to make more ambitious strides with his life without the same support from him. I don’t want to teach a man how to be a man. I’ve grown tired of it all.

My table was set for two. I looked at the empty seat in front of me, but it didn’t taunt me. It represented the ghosts of the many men that came before that just didn’t work out. It also represented the bright future ahead of me. I’ve given my love life to God. So while he does the work in me, I know there’s going to be many other times where I will be dating myself, and that’s okay. I am content in where I am right now because I know I am being prepared for a relationship that will last forever.

 

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God’s Purpose

Sometimes I look at Bishop T.D Jakes and I am amazed. Here’s a man that started from nothing and by God’s grace has evolved into one of the most inspiring preachers the world has ever encountered. What I admired most about him on this particular day that I watched him, and to be honest, envied a little, was that he was walking and living in his purpose, God’s purpose and that is one of the most significant gifts life has to offer.

A couple of days later, I was asked to come to the church for a meeting on my role as a Sunday School Volunteer. I was told that one of our leaders will be taking a leave and I would assist in running my group as the Service Producer. A service producer is basically running the show. It’s a leadership role and I am responsible for our Sunday’s running smoothly. The role of leadership at church is no easy feat. It comes with a cost and a lot of sacrifices. For one, you have to dedicate more time to your group and the lessons, ensuring that Sundays run effortlessly for the children and parents. Secondly, you have a reputation to uphold as a Sunday School leader. Lastly, you have to lead others and be confident in your skills and leadership. It’s a lot of work, balancing writing lessons, directing lessons, producing skits, props, costumes, prayer, ice breakers, assigning roles, making sure the classrooms are clean, and that the children are having a great time and learning about God.

Little ol’ me was chosen out of everyone to do this job and I am so excited. I never claim to be the best Christian, sometimes I’m afraid of the title of Christian because I am far from the quintessential image of one. But God is amazing like that. If you read his word, he always chooses the least likely in the pack and exalts them. It’s interesting the heights he is taking me in ministry now that I am following his purpose. Although the work may be overwhelming, it’s so rewarding and encourages me in many other compartments in my life. I am always looking for the purpose God has for my life and I know that he is gradually revealing it to me.

 

Style Evolution

“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”

Just the other day I bought the most beautiful skirt from H&M. It was sky blue with orange leaves on it. It’s long, so it covers my knees. I figure I could wear it with some nude pumps or cute sandals. I love the look of it and know it would go over well in the office…in the office?

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My style is maturing. I no longer can buy clothes for the weekend because I spend the majority of my time at work and I need to look the part. Now when I shop, I am always on the lookout for professional white or black shirts or dresses with solid colors or prints that would be perfect for a spring/summer day in the city.

I am even about to purchase my first full-suit.

I used to be the person that swore I would never adapt to the corporate culture of dressing. I thought it wasn’t “becoming” and wouldn’t allow me to be who I truly am at my core. However, what I am learning is that it feels good to wake up every morning and get dressed for work. It feels great to get compliments on your outfits or to look in the mirror and admire how professional you’ve become. My maturity in the way that I dress has also helped at social and networking events where I always wear something that can be a conversation piece like printed pants or a beautiful necklace. People come up to me off the basis of liking something that I am wearing and the conversation is sparked instantly.

I think my evolution in the way I dress at work illustrates that I am starting to take it all seriously. The way you present yourself is how you are perceived by others. If you don’t take pride in how you look then other people may write that off as a lack of self-awareness and treat you less than you deserve. As superficial as investing in clothes may seem, we live in a superficial society and it all ties into your professional growth. However, to be honest, I still have my days where I just don’t care and wear whatever I want. You can’t stay ON all the time…can you?

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Thank You Solange

“Born June 24th. Wore tap shoes and tutus everywhere 3-5 Wrote first song (A jingle for the United Way) 9 Felt God 10 Met first love (in a parking lot) 13 Wrote/Released my first album for weird teenagers 15 Started writing songs for other awesome people 16 Lost my best friend Marsai, to gun violence 17 Pregnant 17 Married first love 17 Gave birth to angel baby 18 Financially independent 19 Bought my first house 19 Divorced 20 Wiled the hell out 20-22 Wrote/ Released second album 22 Fell head over heels in love again 22 Insane panic attacks and agoraphobia and convinced I would die by 30 – 24 Wrote/released third album 26 Started record label and cultural hub 27 Released first album on label 27 Freed myself of “friends” on the journey to womanhood 27 Started writing most proud of body of work 27 World called me crazy 27 Married Best Friend 28 Completed 4th album (72 hours before turning 30) Just really getting started 30 🍾 I say all of that to say…don’t eveeer let anyone write your story for you. They can talk, they can doubt, and they can say what they wanna, but only you have the words to narrate this thing we call life. So much gratitude for all of your wishes. So much gratitude for love. So much gratitude for freedom. So much gratitude for life. Ps: About to take a note from Paris Hilton and have 4 parties.”

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Just when I was feeling uncertain about life, and all of its offerings, this happened. Solange dropped a reflective timeline of the critical and seemingly life-changing moments of her life and not only did it illustrate growth and strength but process, purpose and having faith through it all. It really brought things full circle. Sometimes, we tend to whine over the things that we don’t have in our lives, instead of acknowledging all that we do have in our lives and Solange did this seamlessly.

The best part about her timeline, if you will, was that I was able to relate to some of her highlights. When I was 10 years old I experienced God for the first time. I was at a Benny Hinn service when it happened. When I was a teenager, I found love, however, it wasn’t in a parking lot. And now that I am 27, and feeling strange, restless, and uncertain, Solange showed me that 27, could actually be one of the most transformative years of my life if I just allow it to be.

So I wanted to share this reflection with you all if you haven’t seen it as yet, because it really helped me put things into perspective. Patience is key. Discovering bits, pieces and passions about yourself is epic. Trusting the process is necessary. Keep going. Keep moving. You’ll get there.

Tunnel Vision.

Look to the left of you. Now look to the right of you. Sometimes, in life, we get caught up looking at what’s going on with everyone else and not focusing on us, which is the path straight ahead. I’ve always prided myself on being the type of person with tunnel vision. I’ve never wanted to follow what others were doing and always tried to remain true to who I was. However, lately, I’ve been feeling lost. I feel as if life is just moving and I’m still trying to figure it all out. I look at the people on social media and the people who I interact with in my everyday life and it’s just a lot going on. From the multiple degrees to the wedding engagements and marriages, it can sometimes feel like you’re doing something wrong because these things are not happening for you.

Recently, I saw a Brittany Spears meme, that said they finally understood her breakdown at 26-years old. You remember that break down; she shaved her head and was running through the streets with a umbrella. Although I am not feeling that overwhelmed, I understand the pressures of the world and how consuming figuring out your life in your mid-twenties can be.

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So what can we do?

Focus on you, is often the answer that we hear, but that’s easier said than done. I do believe in tunnel vision, however. I believe that you should figure out what you want in life and create an intricate blueprint of how you will get there. Be realistic as well. There are going to be ups and downs so we have to be conscious of that. Furthermore, I believe you should never succumb to comparing yourself to others. We all are unique, we all are born at different times, we all have separate journeys, and the minute we try to compare and compete with others we’ve already failed.

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DJ KY in the House

Solange, Va$htie, Brittany Skye, Kitty Kash—These are all female DJ’s that I’ve come to admire. They are also the reason why I have been so hell-bent on becoming a DJ for the last 2-years. After going to numerous parties, more than I care to admit, I realized there are very few female DJs in the industry and when I do see one, I am filled with pride.

There’s a lot of pressure on these women too. They have to be better than the men whose set was before theirs, and although they are more than capable of, I’ve noticed the lack of representation in this arena when it comes to women DJs and I want to see more. So I decided to take a DJ class to really understand the technique and if I had what it takes to become one.

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The class was at Dubspot. It started promptly at 7 and ended 2-hours later. We learned to mix, spin, and scratch with the musical likeness of Jay-Z , Eric B and Rakim, and Black Rob. It was an excellent class, one that I will consider taking again although the lessons are pretty pricey. I think this is an investment and a craft I would love to learn, just because…well you never know. DJ Ky in the House.

The Danger in Chasing the Woo-ha!

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I remember my wonder years as a college student. Whenever I told someone I went to Penn State I would get the same response. Ohhh…Ahhh…Wooha! It made me feel good, like I was doing something great with my life. It made me feel validated even…But then after 4-years, I graduated.

As soon as I graduated, I knew things would change and it did. Now the Wooha’s were replaced with “So what now?” It was a frightening reality that my degree was just that, a degree, a piece of paper, and nothing I did in college mattered remotely to the giant machine we all know as the real world.

Eventually, the wooha’s came back when I landed my first job on Wall Street. I was working for a financial tech company which made it seem like everything I was doing was super important. Nevertheless, my enthusiasm for my job was lackluster at best and the wooha’s began to diminish again. People could see that although my job was great it didn’t align with who I was or what I should be doing.

Chasing the wooha’s led me to do many other things that did not align with who I was. It led me to apply to law school when I knew deep down inside I didn’t love the idea of being a lawyer. It led me to apply to business school when deep down inside I knew I didn’t like the business culture that much. It led me to chase after goals that seemed pretty on paper and socially acceptable but just wasn’t for me. It led me to deny a bit of myself in the pursuit of acceptance.

Now, I am at the point in my life where the wooha’s cannot define my journey anymore. Yes, it would be great to be praised for how successful I am, but society defines success in very rigid and traditional ways and that’s just not my trajectory. I want to be true to myself, not the wooha’s. I want to be happy with what I am doing and I plan on doing just that.

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