By Ky Books: What I Know For Sure

 


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Before reading the book, What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey, I set out to answer that very question for myself. In the beginning, my answers were pretty cryptic. I know for sure that I’m going to die (as we all should know). I also know for sure that I believe in Jesus. But what else did I know for sure? I was stumped. If this book was anything like my answers, I was in for a rude awakening. So I decided to figure out what it was all about first and then try to answer the same question once I was done.

What I Know For Sure, made me fall in love with Oprah. It humanized her, as she talked candidly about her 20’s and 30’s, building a career, feeling worthless and even dealing with bad guys in relationships. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about her life, that I was so happy she shared. For her 58th birthday, Oprah’s friends surprised her with one of her favorite singer’s Snatam Kaur. I know what you’re thinking, big deal, its Oprah, but the beauty of this story is that she didn’t think she was worthy enough to invite the singer to perform at her own birthday. She went to bed kind of disappointed in herself, only to find out a few hours later her friends had the singer come to her home and serenade her with her favorite songs. It was a beautiful story.

This book is filled with the advice only Oprah can give. She is transparent, infusing personal stories with life lessons. She talks about her relationship with Gayle and how supportive she’s always been as a best friend. She also talks about aging, how she chooses to celebrate growing older as opposed to begrudging it because it represents more opportunity to live. There are a couple of things that Oprah knows for sure, which now serve as life lessons for me which you can find below:

  • Reading opens you up and exposes you to access anything your mind can hold.
  • Love, a relationship built on real love should feel good most of the time, it should involve bringing who you are to the table and walking away with more.
  • Encountering Obstacles, every experience is a valuable teacher. It’s a blessing to be able to survive them and make the climb up life’s mountain.
  • Unworthiness, unconscious feelings of unworthiness show up in everything you do or don’t do.
  • Combating Shame, when you know who you are and what you stand for, stand in wisdom.
  • Haters, naysayers will always feel threatened because they don’t believe they are enough and will never feel satisfied.
  • Fear, what would you do if you weren’t afraid of feeling rejected, making a mistake, looking foolish, or being alone? When you remove the fear, the answer you’ve been searching for comes into focus.
  • The Journey, never lose faith in the path. Changing the way you think about your situation is the key to improving it. Learning to appreciate your lessons is a clear sign you are moving in the right direction.
  • Prayer, if the only prayer you ever said in your entire life was thank you, it would be enough.
  • Gratitude, sometimes we get so focused on the difficulty of our climb that we lose sight of being grateful for having a mountain to climb. When you focus on the goodness of your life you create more of it.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for some encouragement in their lives. Oprah’s outlook on life is simply magnificent. She finds beauty in everything around her and is willing to share with us, some of her mistakes and triumphs that made her the wise woman she is today. Make gratitude a priority.

 

 

Lacking Faith

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…” – Hebrews 11:1

I lack faith. Some people are ashamed to admit that but I know I do. My church did a class on faith recently, teaching from the book Hebrews Chapter 11, where we dissected the meaning of faith and the people in the bible who exhibited great faith; Abraham, Moses, and David. I was inspired but still failed a test of faith recently.

The test was simple, so simple that I knew it was a test, but still, I failed miserably. I decided to apply for something, which at the time I thought I really wanted. When I was rejected I was very angry. I’ve never been this angry in a long time. That anger turned into questioning the plans that God has for my life, those questions led me to feelings of defeat, and that defeat deflated me completely and I felt so discouraged and depressed. I didn’t have to react so poorly to rejection but I did. I could’ve gone totally against the grain. I could’ve completely remained confident that the next door of opportunity would open but I didn’t. I created a pity party for myself filled with negativity and a spirit that was not aligned with God.

I decided to go to church the next morning in hopes of an answer and I received one. The pastor preached about hindrances and what it means to be blocked from doing something. A hindrance can come from either God or the devil; you just have to be spiritually in tune to decipher who it’s from. I left church feeling empowered. Simply because having faith means putting your trust in God. Sometimes that’s extremely hard. You see other people doing great things and you want to know when your turn will be. You see people building great relationships and you want to know when your time will come. Navigating life with such uncertainty is hard, but that’s where faith comes in.

One of the many beauties of life is the mystery of it. One of the most challenging things about life is not knowing when your expectations will be met. Will it be a year from now or tomorrow?  That’s my struggle; I just want to know when. I wish this post was the answer to how I conquered my lack of faith but it’s not. It’s more about transparency than anything. It’s letting you know that as a Christian sometimes it can be hard to keep believing in God’s plans even if we know he wants the best for us. I know for sure God has my back because he always has. I know you’re supposed to be patient and wait on God’s timing for all things, but even though I know this as a fact, it’s hard to accept when it deals with the circumstances of YOUR life and that’s the trouble.

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Kizzy’s Decision Taught me…

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Roots was an amazing series, which was sometimes hard to watch but overall, significant for me and I am very pleased with how well done it was.

One of the defining scenes in my mind after watching was when Kizzy, whose name means “Stay Put” in Mandinka actually did that very thing.  She had the opportunity to be free and marry the man she was in love with but turned down the opportunity to stay on the plantation because it was comfortable for her. Although a pragmatic decision, it shook me to my core. If there’s one thing I learned about life, it’s to jump on opportunities when they come to you. You never want to wake up one day, thinking What If?

Kizzy missed out on love, freedom, and the opportunities that life as a free woman in the North had to offer her. I guess, too often, we do that in our own lives. We get comfortable in security; comfortable with avoiding risks; comfortable with allowing fear to leave us stagnant and then we lead unhappy lives because deep down we know that there’s more for us than what we are settling for.

I don’t want to do that. I am finally learning that taking risks, although frightening, is the only way we can grow. Not giving into our fears and taking on new opportunities, encompasses both the excitement and mysteries of life.

This scene hits home for me because I find myself at a crossroads; comfortable in the security I’ve built for myself for the last few years but ready to grow, become a batter person and unleash the inner powerhouse that is in me. I am ready for a change.

BAM Dance Africa Cool Finds

This year at Dance Africa, I found so many great things I want to share with you. As you know, Dance Africa is an annual event that happens every memorial weekend at BAM where Brooklyn locals celebrate Africa in all its glory through performances, amazing food and vendors. This year I bought so much cool stuff that I’m so excited about:

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 Tribal Print Dress

Besides the beautiful tribal print, what I love about this dress is the pockets and the racerback. It’s such a well-made dress and I never want to take it off. Price: $20

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Earrings 

I’ve wanted Fulani earrings since 2011. Finally, I found these rare finds from Mali and put them on as soon as I bought them. They’re a dream come true. Price: $20

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Shea Butter & Black Soap

These two necessities speak for themselves. I haven’t used Shea Butter in my hair since 2014, so this is a real treat and my hair loves it. As for the black soap, I am hoping it performs miracles on my dark spots. ($3-$5)Black Soap

I Lied About My Age…

What are you like 24?

Her question stopped me in my tracks. I haven’t had an issue with my age until turning 27. I actually resented people who lied about their age, just to appeal to others, that is until I became one of those people.

No. I’m not 24.

Then how old are you?

Ummm (Soft Whisper) 26.

See you’re 26? You’re still really young.

The thing is, 3-months prior to this conversation, I turned 27, and have been dealing with the ramifications of being so close to age 30 ever since. So much so, that I lied. I really try not to lie anymore, especially for something as trivial as age but the guilt of my lie consumed me for the whole day. This situation illustrated to me that I was not comfortable with who I was and what I’ve done so far in my life and that’s never a good feeling. I was being super hard on myself and was not looking at my blessings and all that I’ve attained but only focusing on what has not happened…yet.

Yes, I know I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m still very young. I understand this more than anyone. But the pressure is falling hard on me. I am 27-years old and I still don’t feel like I have it even remotely figured out. The thing that bothers me the most is that I know my career route (the one that I will eventually choose) won’t be straight and narrow and that fear of possibly having to struggle scares me. I have not taken the plunge yet because I am too comfortable in my current situation, and these realizations are making me freak out. But what scares me, even more, is waking up one day as a middle-aged person and having regrets of not chasing after my dreams and taking risks. Complacency is my biggest fear of all.

The Bright Side of Rejection

Rejection. I hate it. I can’t deal with it and I know it’s one of my biggest deterrents in life. So recently, when I got rejected by something, I decided to partake in activities during my pity party which included making a list of all the times I was rejected starting from when I was 10-years old. It was so ridiculous. (Sometimes being a blogger sucks because I have to reveal things about myself that are borderline embarrassing). Nevertheless, although I wanted this activity to bring more grief to my already forsaken mood, it actually brought on a revelation that I’d never even considered before that moment.

Revelation: Each time I was rejected, something better, greater, more fit for me, came out of it and the moral of the story is…I turned out okay.

When I was 10-years old, I was rejected by Prep for Prep, which is a program for underprivileged students to attend private school. I thought it would make me look like I was not smart, but in reality, I turned out fine and I excelled in public school.

When I was applying to college, I was rejected by my dream school Spelman. I thought it was the end of the world, but I enjoyed my wacky time at Penn State and met some of my best friends.

When I graduated, I couldn’t find a job for the life of me. It was so bad, I was rejected by the clothing store Uniqlo. Eventually, I found a job and it’s been an amazing ride.

Throughout life, I’ve been rejected. Whether it was from boys, schools, or professional/social groups. I know essentially the rejection felt like a failure, but putting things into perspective, it needed to happen to make way for something better to come into my life.

If you’re feeling defeated by rejection, I  can only hope that you will not let it limit you. Put things into perspective and consider that maybe something way better is on the way into your life.

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27th Birthday Brunch

I always tell myself I don’t want to make a fuss over my birthday and then it comes around and I realize how important it is to take advantage of celebrating yourself. So I did. This year started out on a rocky note, with me losing my hearing while in South Africa. As a result, it was important for me to celebrate life. I had my brunch at Il Bastardo, an Italian restaurant where you can drink out of champagne bottles with straws. It was a 90s themed brunch since I absolutely love the 90s. All of my guests left with a “You Are A Badass” book by Jen Sincero because it was one of the books that I read while I was sick to encourage me to get going again.

After brunch, my friends and I went to an art exhibit followed by another party at Studio 21 which was a blast. We spent the rest of the night dancing to all of my favorite songs new and old. But a night out wouldn’t be complete without the relentless search for food at midnight. We found a cozy Mexican restaurant where we shared arroz con pollo and fajitas. T’was a good night.

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Workplace Improv

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I revealed to one of my friends in my TV writing class how much I hated networking. For context, I can go on a stage, in a room full of people and speak but I cannot go up to an individual and say “Hello my name is Kydee, what’s your name…” the whole ordeal freaks me out.

She suggested that I take an Improv class for my networking fright. What it does, is put you in situations, where you have to think on your toes and essentially you start to loosen up, become more comfortable, and even break out of your shell. Her advice stayed with me for months, and then one day out of the blue I received an email from the Women’s Forum at my job about an after-work opportunity to do professional improv. Exciting! I am a new member of the Women’s Forum so not only would it give me the opportunity to meet new people at my company but it would also allow me to test the waters with Improv.

My overall feedback on the event? I loved it.

Improv encouraged a supportive environment that allowed me to be myself. One of the first things we had to do was introduce ourselves to everyone in the room by walking up to them and finding interesting ways to say hello. This made us comfortable with one another and shattered the walls we tend to build in a work environment.

Our next task as a group was to stand in a circle and create a story that actually made sense, with everyone contributing one word; So the first person says Apples, the next person says Are, and the final person says Great. Thus, the sentence Apples-Are-Great forms. It was kind of like the game Telephone. People were not paying attention and adding in words that didn’t make sense, which highlighted that we have to really listen to one another in the workplace or else, you will miss out on valuable information and lose momentum.

In an interesting turn of events, the instructor asked us to get our cell phones and find a partner. Person A was supposed to tell a story about their morning. Person B was supposed to check their emails and do all the interesting things they could do on their cell phones while Person A was talking. I was Person A, talking about my morning, I shared how hard it was to get a seat on the train, the things I read while on the train, and how delicious my breakfast was. Person B, my partner, looked attentive, but she was checking her emails and doing a whole list of other things. When it was time for her to repeat my story, she missed all of the major details that I wanted her to catch. This exercise illustrated Radical Presence. When we talk to people we should try to be present, and give people our attention, no matter how good we “think” we are at multi-tasking. Cell phones are a distraction, and we may miss major details if we are on our phones checking emails and not fully listening to the conversation happening right in front of us.

One of the last activities we did was “Yes And.” Again with a partner, we had to pick a topic (of course I chose travel), and we had to talk about that topic with our partner, each of us taking turns by saying “Yes And”. So the conversation went something like “I love to travel,” my partner then said “Yes and I love to travel and take long flights,” Then I said, “Yes and I love to take long flights to Europe…” You get the idea.

However, the next part of the exercise was the “Yes But” portion; my partner would say something, still on the topic of travel and I would counter her, with “Yes but” for example, I proceeded to say “London is really cool” and then my partner said “Yes but it rains a lot” and then I said, “Yes but it rains in New York too” etc…Once the exercise was over we explained to the group the feeling we had when someone said “Yes And” vs. “Yes But”. It honestly felt better having someone add to my ideas and statements as opposed to negating it every second. It’s kind of like them saying what I have to say is not valid enough to be acknowledged. Our instructor encouraged us to be mindful of our words especially in the work setting and ended the class allowing us to reflect on the most valuable lessons we learned.

This experience was awesome. I realized a couple of things that I do that might hinder me as a professional. One of those things is eye contact. Sometimes my eyes are all over the place. Eye contact is so important especially in the workplace because it shows that you are secure and essentially illustrates your strength. Another takeaway was watching how I speak to people. I want to build them up not tear them down. I left the event feeling empowered. The climb up the corporate ladder is a long one, especially for someone like me who has no manual on navigating the corporate landscape. I am learning everything as I go. However, I am open to these situations, as strange as they may seem because it helps me to grow not only as a professional but an individual.

If  you’re interested in this opportunity for your company and you’re based in the New York area feel free to reach out to Open Act:

Open Act seeks to level the playing field for students attending NYC’s most underserved schools by offering opportunities to develop leadership, community, and commitment through it’s innovative, long term, free after school theater programs.  www.openact.org  /+1-646-418-7088

UndergroundWGN is #Winning

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It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others…one ever feels his twoness-an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings, two warrings ideals in one dark body… ” – W.E.B Dubois

UndergroundWGN is Emmy worthy and I can’t wait to see how successful it becomes. Underground follows Noah, a slave on a plantation, who seeks freedom through the Underground Railroad. He realizes, that his goal may only be possible if he assembles a group of his fellow slaves to accompany him. Of course, the show gets way more complicated than that, but that’s the general concept.

Double Consciousness

Double consciousness or shifting among the characters is extremely prevalent, which is one of the reasons I watch the show religiously. I am intrigued by the writers use of this idea coined by W.E.B Dubois way back in 1903 in his book The Soul of Black Folks. Double Consciousness, is basically in layman terms the two faces black people put on in America. We have to be black and we have to be American. We have to act one way among white people and another way when we are comfortable enough being our true selves. Essentially we have to shift to survive.

Spoiler Alert

Each of the characters in this show shift or have two faces. You think you know who they really are at their core, but each week, something new is exposed and another layer is added to them. Right now, we know that Noah played by Aldis Hodge has a limp because he doesn’t want the plantation owners to know that he is a threat to them. We know that Rosalee played by Jurnee Smollett-Bell is a contented house slave, who is ready to run away by any means. We also know that August Pullman played by Christopher Meloni is a white slave catcher who pretends to be for black people but will turn them in for a cash reward instantly. There’s a lot of shifting going on as a means of survival and I am here for it all.

Why you should watch

If I can compare this show to anything else, I would say it’s like Scandal, set during slavery. The writers are superb. They keep me engaged and wanting more and although this is sensitive material, they find a balance and create some highs and lows in the episodes so you’re not emotionally drained by the conclusion. Sometimes I find myself so drawn into the storylines, I have dreams about it later on.

I know why people might want to avoid a show like this; who wants to be constantly reminded about slavery every week? I thought the same thing initially, but these characters are intriguing, even though the actual system of slavery dehumanizes them. They have feelings, and dreams just like anyone else, which is the underlying theme. Also, we have to support these shows so it can open doors for more shows to educate and acknowledge our rich stories.  I am hooked and you should be too.Underground comes on every Wednesday at 10PM (EST) on WGN which is on Channel 82 if you have Cablevision. WGN is a relatively new network so don’t be surprised if you’ve never heard of it before. Since the show has so many twists and turns every Wednesday the cast does a twitter chat #UndergroundWGN which is awesome because you need someone to watch this show with just so you can say “Did you see that?”

You Are A Badass [Book Review + Giveaway]

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I am not a self-help fanatic. Well, maybe once upon a time I was, but now, I feel like I have a grasp on my life. All my self-help answers come from the bible as cliché as that might sound. However, I’ve been seeing You Are Badass by Jen Sincero all over (from Instagram to the shelves of Barnes and Noble and Urban Outfitters). My favorite bloggers and YouTubers swear by this book, so I decided to give it a chance. I always need a little push in the right direction and to be told that I am as bad as they come! (Pun intended).

The book is written in an amicable tone that makes the reader feel like he/she is good friends with the author. Sincero shares her own personal story in each of the chapters, getting very intimate about her life’s triumphs and shortcomings. Jenn encourages her readers to give back to others and to dream big. She ends each of the chapters with a few practical tips on applying her advice to your real life.

This book encouraged me more than I could’ve imagined. Sometimes I fight success and hinder my full potential because I am constantly in my head. However, this book gave me the kick that I needed. Stop procrastinating, follow your passions, and become successful—as simple as that. It also made me realize that I need to speak faith and positivity over my life. If you believe it then you can achieve it.

One of the best activities to do in this book is to create a mantra. Simply put, I wrote about my dream life as if I am already living it, so it was written in the present tense but it hasn’t happened yet. What it allowed me to do was declare greatness for my future. This exercise was actually powerful. I got really giddy thinking about how awesome my life is going to turn out just by writing it down and having faith that my hopes and dreams may one day come true.

This book made me view money differently as well. I think I’ve fallen into the philosophy of believing that money is the root of all evil, for many reasons I find this to be true, but the author made me confront my issues with money and helped me change the way in which I view it. When I see success for my life, there’s also a monetary component of it, so if I view money negatively, how will I invite more of it into my life? Does that make sense? It did while I was reading the book.

My only critique and this is a big one, is that she gives God, the almighty, alpha + omega a nickname called “Source Energy.” I wanted to dislike her because of her audacity. I think she was trying to make people who don’t necessarily believe in God comfortable with the idea of her talking about spirituality; maybe I just revere God so much that I am not comfortable with people dancing around the fact that they are believers. I know why she did it, but it just didn’t sit well with me. I also didn’t like that she credits the “universe” for everything that goes right and wrong with life either. It was too weird for me. If God is the creator of the universe why are we giving credit to the universe and not to God? Ok, enough of my rant.

I have an extra copy of this book. If interested, all you have to do is:

1. Follow Lifestylebyky.com blog

2. Follow my Twitter @bykyblogs &Instagram @lifestylebyky

3. Comment below when you’ve done both by Tuesday, April 5, 2016!

 

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