Adulting in October

Adulting is hard and October was a major month for putting my big girl pants on and making major decisions for myself. After working for 10-months straight and not taking any vacation, I scheduled a day to visit multiple doctors and check in on my health. This wasn’t my own doing; my boyfriend pushed me to do so. It was a reality check to see that he prioritized my health and wellbeing more than I did for myself. After visiting my doctors, I felt accomplished. I felt like I finally did something for me, self-care at its best. So to everyone out there reading this, do something for you that your body, mind, and/or spirit will thank you for later.

Back in August, I was rejected for an apartment in my current building after being on the waitlist for three years. That rejection stayed with me, because I had my heart set on being on my own. One Friday, I decided to look again. Not with the intention of moving, just to see what was out there. I discovered an apartment complex named the PLG. The PLG has amazing amenities including an indoor and outdoor swimming pool, sauna, meeting room, dog park, basketball court and more. I had chills thinking about how amazing it would be to live in an apartment building like that. However, when I went on the tour, after discovering what the rent would be, I was indifferent. On a scale of 1-10, the building should’ve been a 10, but it was a 6.8-7. I took points off because while it had everything it said it did, none of the amenities were actually open, due to the pandemic and the elevator broke down while I was there. Also the apartment was really small and there were a lot of visitors there, just walking around looking at the amenities (probably family or friends of tenants). It just felt like a over-priced college dorm and while it was nice, it wasn’t worth the rent they were trying to charge, no matter how many amenities they offer. The next day I went to another apartment close to where I live now and it was so depressing. I can’t believe what real estate agents are marketing as apartments. The insidiousness of gentrification is real and it was a wakeup call for me as I thought about senior citizens and vulnerable populations of color; how are they supposed to survive in this market? This apartment had visible water bugs and I am sure mice. It was the size of a closet and there was no living room. The bedroom was a shoebox. The cost was over $2,000. To make matters worse, my mom and the real estate guy got into an argument, I was defeated. I knew the next day I had another apartment to view but I couldn’t get out of my funk. Would I ever be on my own? Would I ever find my apartment?

The next day was a rainy day, but I made my way to view this final apartment. The videos of it was nice but I was still guarded. The real-estate agent took me to the first apartment she had available, which had a big living room but a small bedroom and I did not like it. So she took me to another apartment with a big bedroom but a small living room and I absolutely was in love. To make a long story less long, I signed the lease the following week and will be moving in soon. I am officially on my own, and I cannot wait. The driving force to making the very scary decision of living on my own was the following pillars:

  • Independence
  • Control
  • Boundaries
  • Peace

These 4 pillars are important for me as I embark further into my adulting journey. Thanks to my many friends who coached me through this process, including Kadia who came up with these pillars with me, I am officially on my own. Now I am working on buying furniture, turning my new apartment into a home, and possibly hosting Christmas there.

Due to the fact that I’ve been working like a crazy person and personally trying to move, I haven’t had any time to watch TV. I did watch one movie twice because I thought it was cute called Love Jacked on Netflix. I didn’t finish any books this month, although I started Love Craft Country by Matt Ruff and I am still trying to read Coffee Will Make You Black by April Sinclair. I really don’t like Coffee Will Make You Black, but I am committed to reading all books before starting new ones.

My hair journey is going good and my hair cut is growing back but I kind of like it short. My skin journey is not going good but it will turn around because I found a black dermatologist, and she has me on a regimen. I did not celebrate Halloween this year but it was nice to see everyone’s costumes. This is a weird year. FOMO is something I am comfortable with because while I want to be social, I know how important it is to social distance during a pandemic. I discovered a really delicious Neapolitan Ice Cream by the brand Avenue A and Mango Sorbet from Trader Joes is the best thing since sliced bread. Check it out if you’re looking for a quick treat.

Until next month…

Making New Friends as an Adult

Why is it that we have this no new friends mentality? I absolutely love meeting new people. I have a lot of friends as it is, but it doesn’t hurt to know more. Sometimes I look at the strange faces on the train and it hits me, I don’t know a thing about these people and I probably never will, but for 20 minutes we share the same train car on the way to work; who are they? what are their dreams? what makes them different? Unfortunately, I will never know the answer, not because I can’t just walk up to them and ask (because I can), but social norms tell me not to.

Growing up making friends came naturally to me, but as I got older I became more reserved. It’s something I need to work on because I understand the value of friendships and shared interests as an adult, both personally and professionally.  I found this video on Buzzfeed and it warmed my heart. As someone said in the video, the first step to building new friendships as an adult is pushing your ego aside and admitting that you want new friends. Check the video out below:


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