Being Black During Quarantine

Last month, I wrote about the bright side of quarantine and looking at quarantine through a positive lens. It’s been a really great opportunity for me to get back to ME and build a routine that pours more time into me and not just work and other obligations. I am still writing and still shooting videos for my YouTube channel. I was also asked to shoot some Tribute videos for people, which have been really encouraging for me to pour into others and show how much they mean to me. I’ve been attending a new bible study, attending virtual events and I even had time to check out this YouTube show that I had no idea existed, called The Same Room (by The Shade Room)which is a talk show hosted by Stephanie Ike, whom I had the pleasure of meeting at Woman Evolve in 2018. All of the episodes are captivating to me.

I am still watching TV. Below are some of the shows I’ve been watching for the month. During quarantine, I am also making the conscious decision to get serious about my finances. Having them under control is no longer enough. I want to financially thrive. More on this journey coming soon. Other journey’s I’ve embarked on is a skin and hair journey (both have been struggles for me since I can remember). I am using this time to drink my water daily, wash my hair weekly, and moisturize my skin during the day and at night. I’m so proud of myself.

The 52 List Project (11)However, my mental health and productivity took a turn for the worst two weeks ago when I heard about Breonna Taylor, a 26-year old black woman who was fatally shot by police in Kentucky, while serving a no-knock warrant on March 13th. It turns out that the suspect they were looking for was already in custody. Taylor was a health care worker and died senselessly at the hands of police, who was supposed to “protect” her. My heart sank. I was unproductive when I should’ve been working and quite frankly sad. I would even go so far as to say I was depressed. I looked at her face and saw me. She was a regular black girl just like me and if her family didn’t work so hard to garner social media exposure, her story would’ve been dusted under the rug like so many others. This was coupled by only a week before hearing about Ahmaud Arbery who was lynched while jogging. It is alleged that on his daily jog, he went into a construction site or “trespassed.” He didn’t take anything, just looking around, being inquisitive. You know, black people can be curious too. Two white men, father, and son, confronted Arbery and killed him. He was jogging! He tried to run away. He left the encounter DEAD. It took over 70 days for the state of Georgia to do anything. The Attorney General did not deem the crime warranted for an arrest. Just another black man dead, big deal right? That was until social media got a hold of it. Within days, the father/son murder duo’s lawyers were pleading for folks to have mercy on them; the exact words being “Don’t Rush to Judgement”… yes, this is a thing and if you know the full scope of the story then you know the irony of this too.

Some say death comes in threes. On Monday, May 25, two egregious acts of violence and white supremacy came across our TV and phone screens. The first, I saw as soon as I woke up because there was a twitter notification on my phone from Ava DuVernay. DuVernay was asked to do a documentary on White women weaponizing their color and privilege against black people. Ava replied that she didn’t think any streamer would make a 100-part documentary (HA!) I thought that would be a dope documentary but I was wondering why such a packaged question so early?

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Then I saw it on the news Amy Cooper aka “Central Park Karen,” weaponized her race and privilege against bird watcher Christian Cooper. A black man. You know why this hurt? Because women like Amy are all around us. We encounter them, we work with them, they are lethal and dangerous. Emmett Till was mutilated and butchered because of a white woman like Amy Cooper. This stung deep because you don’t have to have a KKK hood to be racist, you can be a white woman in central park with a dog and be a racist and no one will ever know! WOW!

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Christian Cooper – NYT Article entitled “Amy Cooper and Christian Cooper: A Confrontation in the Park”

If that wasn’t enough, that same day, video footage of George Floyd came across every TV screen and social media post. We watched as Mr. Floyd screamed for his life exclaiming he could not breathe as a white police officer, Derek Chauvin, put his knee on his neck in an attempt of restraining him. He was handcuffed. He was not resisting arrest. He was dying and I had to watch repeatedly, his slow and agonizing death. I had to hear his cries. 8-minutes of someone pinning their knee on your neck, like it’s a sport. This was haunting and deflating. I am exhausted, I am hurt, I am sad, I am heartbroken. A mind-numbing migraine began when I heard the news and has not stopped. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what else I need to read or learn about my history to give me hope because I’ve learned enough to know that history is repeating itself. The only thing that is keeping me sane is my belief in God, that’s it.

What has always bothered me about racism is that black people have been painted out to be the monsters, the kidnappers, the thugs, the looters, the angry ones, the uncivilized ones, the rapists, and the murderers but the gag is, historically RACISTS are the monsters, the kidnappers, the thugs, the looters, the angry ones, the uncivilized ones, the rapists and the murderers. When I think about the act of slavery and how human beings were kidnapped from their countries, stripped from families, a whole culture lost, just to come on a boat and be packaged like sardines, murdered and raped during the middle passage, sold off on an auction block and chained like animals at the hands of racist white people…all the while being whipped, tortured and dehumanized in a system where the workers did not profit, I am baffled. Blacks have worn the burden and taken the brunt for the atrocities of racist white people since the first slave ship landed on American soil. The other night I had to ask myself, why am I sitting here arguing with my black boyfriend about racism and when it will end, when we are not the problem, we are not racist, we are victims of racism and therefore cannot determine when it will end. When will racism end is a question that racist white people need to answer. When are racist white people going to argue until their blue in the face with their significant others, families, and friends about these issues of race that their ancestors caused and that they continue to perpetuate when they threaten to use their privilege to lie on a black bird watcher or use their knee to kill a man whose only crime was using a fake $20 bill? The fact that we have to bear the responsibility of teaching white people why racism is bad and how it impacts us when we’re not the racists is insanity, especially when they don’t understand or recognize their racism. This and everything else I outline in this paragraph is gaslighting 101 and I am fed up.

So while quarantine has it’s good times, being black in quarantine rings a whole new bell and brings with it a new burden and we are not okay.

Life is Ambivalent

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Life is ambivalent. There is a time for everything, according to Ecclesiastes 3. My notion of life has left me with conflicting feelings this past year. Let me explain why.

A few months before turning 30, I met someone. After spending years of writing in my journal and praying about the type of partner I wanted, he appeared when I least expected and where I least expected as well. Up until a week before meeting him, I have a note in my phone exclaiming “I wonder what my future partner is doing right now. Who is he? What are his fears? What are his goals? Will I recognize him? The story of how we met is one I will save for the future, but from the start, we both knew we wanted to be intentional. He was truly a blessing and the first of a wave of change and answered prayers in my life. A few months after that, I celebrated an epic 30th birthday with my friends and family and when I returned from my travels, I was officially promoted. When I became a Manager of a department at a major TV network, my colleagues thought it was meteoric. For me, it meant the world and I was excited but I wouldn’t use the words meteoric. You see, when I broke into the media industry, I had worked for a financial technology company for five years as the CEO’s assistant. I did not want to be an assistant anymore, but I was having a hard time breaking into media, so I had to start over, in this new industry as an assistant….again. To learn more, watch my Career Journey video. Throughout this whole time, I wondered if I would ever escape the entry-level administrative role and move into management. I was afraid that I was being pigeonholed and that assisting was going to be my fate. But after 7-years, I moved up and was on the track to being an executive, which is my ultimate goal. 5+2=7 and 7 is the biblical year of completion. This was a cause for the utmost celebration, but I barely told a soul. I was afraid. Fear seeped into me and told me it was not real; that It would be taken from me at any moment.

In the midst of this immense harvest season, I was simultaneously dealing with three sick immediate family members. Two out of three dealing with cancer, radiation, and hospitals. Hearing someone you love ail in pain every night and there’s nothing you can do about it is agonizing. This pain resulted in a loss of a few friendships because I did not have room for anyone who added more of an emotional burden on my life. It was just that simple.

These conflicting situations are the epitome of ambivalence in life. I was unhappy when all of the things I prayed for came to fruition. I felt guilty about celebrating when I had a sick family member back at home. I thought the good that I had would be removed from my life the minute I got too comfortable with it. I developed a skeptic mindset. But skepticism shows a lack of faith. I wish I had the solution but I am still working through this. Sometimes acknowledging there is a disconnect is the first step towards building in an area that you are weak in. That weak area for me is understanding that with God, no matter how bad the situation is, he always works things out for good…so celebrate through the good and celebrate through the not so good. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 we are told to, “Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” It’s going to take a lot of spiritual maturity for me to fully grasp this concept but I am working on it.

By Ky Book Recommendation “The Memo” by Minda Harts

The Memo by Minda Hart is a sort of career bible for Women of Color in the workplace. Minda uses her own experiences, pop culture references, and vulnerability to equip and empower women of color who are navigating the corporate workplace. She also provides resources for readers to do the work that is required.

You can purchase this book recommendation here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky 

Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.

Ky’s Career Journey Pt. 1

There were very few moments in my life where I was filled with so much passion, so much clarity on my journey, that my spirit was so overwhelmingly energized, it could’ve jumped out of my body, and it’s in those moments where I know I am doing the right thing. The first time I had this feeling was when I attended ABFF 2015 in New York. It was at that moment, I knew I wanted to take the leap into the media industry. I left the festival to attend a birthday party and my friend who picked me up, told me to calm down, take it easy. She didn’t realize what I was feeling and it was not for her to realize it. This was a me and God thing. The next time I felt that feeling was last year when I attended the Mogul X conference. My job had free passes and my colleague asked me to set up the booth that my company sponsored. That was all I was supposed to do, set up the booth, and go on and attend the conference. Easy, right? Well, when I got there, the Mogul X coordinators had another idea. They had 120 women, signed up to do onsite interviews, and could not tell these women that there was no representative from my company. I told them it was not my place and I was only told to set up the booth and attend the conference.

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To make a very long story short, I ended up doing the interviews and not attending the conference. In total, I spoke with 80 women that day, back to back, encouraging them with my own career story and listening to their dreams, goals, and hopes. The women were young, old, Black, White, Indian, Muslim, Hispanic…you name it. When my boyfriend picked me up that day, I had the same overwhelming feeling of passion, but he didn’t tell me to calm down, he told me to follow that feeling. What I realized, is that I had a story to tell and a meaningful one as well. I also realized that these women saw themselves in me and I saw myself in them. I spent most of my recent graduate life desperate for guidance. Desperate for true transparency on how people make it. I was sick of the success stories that don’t start from the bottom. I was sick of the inauthentic. I wanted to hear from real people, and that day made me realize it was time to pay it forward. Yeah, I am not at the pinnacle of success, I don’t have all of the diamonds and pearls, but not even 10-years out of college, I have a lot to say and my transparency can possibly help others.

So here’s my first attempt at transparency and sharing my story. I really hope you LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to my Youtube channel because there are so many more videos coming down the pipeline. This is only Part 1 of 3 but I’ve been using this quarantine to shoot other videos that can really help on your own personal career journey. I am also writing a quick book/guide that can help you on your career journey as well. You’re never to young or old to make a leap in your career. Life is too short to not be doing what you love. Feel free to email: Lifestylebyky@gmail.com for more information.

 

“The Courage to be Disliked” by Ichiro Kismhi and Fumitake Koga

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The book title “The Courage to be Disliked” intrigued me. I was curious if it would be a guide for how to stand in the truth that sometimes not everyone is not going to like you (people-pleasing is overrated yet so many of us struggle with it including myself) and while it did touch on that, it definitely was not what I expected. In this review, I explore some of the topics addressed in the book, which ties to the theories of Alfred Adler, including Trauma, Rejection, Comparison, and Freedom.
It wasn’t my favorite book but it was a very interesting read. 

You can purchase this book recommendation here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky 

Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.

You can purchase this book recommendation here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/by-ky-books Click SUBSCRIBE and LIKE to support and FOLLOW @Bykybooks on Instagram.

By Ky Book Recommendation “Who Moved My Cheese” by Dr. Spencer Johnson

“Who Moved My Cheese” by Dr. Spencer Johnson helped me to deal with a few recent changes in my life. Do we want to be afraid of change or do we want to embrace change?

You can purchase this book recommendation here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky 

Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.

By Ky Book Recommendation “Where to Begin” by Cleo Wade

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The first book that I read this year was Cleo Wade “Where to Begin.” With everything going on with the world it’s a breath of fresh air and the much-needed encouragement we all need to do the internal work in ourselves, treat others as we would want to be treated, and chase after all of our passions that will ultimately impact the world.

You can purchase this book recommendation here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky 

Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.

By Ky Book Recommendation: “More Than Enough” by Elaine Welteroth

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This is not only a book review but a testimony. Elaine Welteroth is someone who I admire. Her career trajectory was meteoric and aspirational. She flipped corporate cultures upside down and paved the way for many through her boldness and advocacy for diversity and inclusion. I had the pleasure of interviewing her for work during her book tour and it was one of the highlights of my career. Check out my review of her book More Than Enough.

You can purchase this book recommendation here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky 

Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.

Prioritizing God and Self-Care in the Morning

My morning routine keeps me balanced and sane (but sometimes it makes me late). The truth is, I am not a morning person. If I’m going to spend most of my day at work, I think it’s pivotal to carve time out for myself.  But the deeper truth is that I use my mornings to spend time with God. As I get closer to God, I realize the importance of prioritizing him before anything else in my day.  In all honesty, it’s hard to do and sometimes, I am not able to, but the intent is always there. Whenever I  prioritize God in the morning, I have more confidence and I feel empowered. Yeah, things may happen that will annoy me throughout the day, but it doesn’t bother me as much. I have a sense of peace and protection over me.

Starting my day with God as my priority means, shutting off my alarm clock and not immediately flipping to Instagram. It means putting the phone away and replacing it with my bible and notebook. Then spending a few chapters reading and studying, followed by a prayer.

If I still have more time, I pull out my journal and start writing. Maybe it’s about the previous day or creating a list of things to do, but I use my mornings to reconnect with myself before I dedicate 10-hours at work. We spend so much time pouring into others and not enough into ourselves.

Below are some of my favorite books in the old testament of the bible, that pack strong lessons in wisdom, leadership, and courage. These book suggestions also show us who God is. God cannot be defined but we can learn more about his character by reading his word. Within the last year, I’ve studied these books and can attest to how powerful they are.

 

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Books By Ky

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What is Books By Ky (Formerly By Ky Books)?
Well, if you’ve been a follower of this blog, then you know I’ve been sharing some of my favorite books with you for years. Something that I’ve wanted to do since around 2016 is start a Book Youtube channel for book reviews and book recommendations. This year, I finally took the leap and launched Books By Ky @booksbyky.You can learn more about it by watching the below video. Don’t forget to check out my book reviews which I will be posting on this site as well. In the meantime, you can purchase all of my book recommendations here: https://kit.co/Lifestylebyky/books-by-ky. Click SUBSCRIBE to support and FOLLOW @Booksbyky on Instagram.