The question immediately made me feel like I didn’t belong like I was an outsider of some sort. In a lot of ways I was, however, it was too soon for my outlier complex to get the best of me.
I progressed into the country club, with a group of elitist African Americans who worked for a prestigious billion-dollar corporation. I was surrounded by the best of the best but I was new blood and they could smell it.
I proceeded to the bar, in hopes that a drink would calm my nerves and then to the hors d’oeuvres buffet where I munched on some delicious appetizers before being told to take my place in the dining room.
It felt like everyone was watching me, I wasn’t a part of any of their circles, I wasn’t best friends with their children, I was a guest of a guest, that guest being my dad, talk about three degrees of separation.
As the night went on, I began to loosen up and even received the chance to interview some of the honorees, yet I felt somewhat unworthy. I know I am super blessed to be among such influential people and I know God put me among these groups of people for a reason that is unbeknownst to me.
I ended the night feeling defeated. I didn’t belong, I would probably never have the country club membership and call executives from a billion-dollar company my friends. My heart hurt as I wanted to belong so bad but I felt like an obscure puzzle piece being forced to fit into the wrong puzzle. As far as I was concerned it would never fit.