Soul Ties have been on my mind and heart for a while now, but very strongly this past weekend. I learned about soul ties about three years ago. I was actually weaning myself off of one when someone told me what it was. The strong feelings associated with this person no longer being in my life made sense now. I wasn’t crazy. I was in a soul tie! Throughout this post, I am going to share some of the things I’ve learned about soul ties along with my own personal experiences.
To start, there are two types of soul ties, an Ungodly Soul Tie, and a Godly Soul tie. For the purposes of this post, I am going to focus on the Ungodly Soul Tie. As always, expect complete transparency.
Soul ties represent a bond. These bonds or soul bonds are created through people and things. What normally ends up happening is that you become dependent and attached to them. The deeper the bond, the more difficult it is to break. Sometimes we don’t know how tied we are to someone or something until it’s time to give it up.
I was with someone for about 9-years. Now, if we are going to be real, I was only really with them in a relationship for about 4-years. The other 5-years we were in a “friends with benefits” arrangement. When it was time to break away from him, no one around me understood why it was so hard for me to do so:
“Yall broke up years ago, why do you still care about him?”
“He’s moved on and so should you!”
“That was just puppy love… that shouldn’t matter now.”
Their responses were callous. They didn’t understand how much it hurt to let this person go. I depended on him. I called him whenever something was going right or wrong and he was there for me. I sought his approval. I LOVED him. More importantly, they didn’t understand that I was in a soul tie so strong that it couldn’t easily be cured with a Girl’s Night Out or meeting someone new, it was deep. It was spiritual. It was warfare.
There are various ways a soul tie can form:
- Material things
There are also things that can ignite or trigger feelings and emotions within this soul tie including:
- The smell of cologne/perfume
- What If’s…
Everything reminded me of this person. I remember the cologne he wore the last time we hung out with each other and that cologne, whenever I smelled it, reminded me of him. I remembered all the good times we had together (very rarely recalling the bad). A lot of What If’s went through my mind at any given moment. I was caught up in a fantasy. Everything I was doing was unhealthy. It hindered my dating life as well because I was not capable of moving on. I didn’t want to move on to other guys, I wanted him to realize I was everything he was looking for and come back (sounds insane, but it’s the TRUTH).
According to a teaching by Paula White about Ungodly Soul Ties, when there is a wound or an injury in your soul, there is a vulnerability that leaves an entrance to your soul, that the enemy uses to create an ungodly soul tie.
Hmmm…Daddy Issues, right? I don’t want to admit it, because I never felt like my father dying when I was 4-years old affected my romantic relationships but I know 100 people that would tell me otherwise. So yes, I do have daddy issues, but there has to be more.
I think my vulnerability, was insecurity. My vulnerability was wanting to feel wanted and needed by him. My vulnerability was needing validation and I sought it from him. In my eyes, he was the first man to see my beauty and to see me for who I was. He loved me, he never tried to change me or judge me, he just allowed me to be me, and I appreciated him for that. I depended on that validation and once it was gone, the wound was open again.
However, Paula White says something poignant about the enemy having a gateway in our souls. A lot of us need to understand when it’s something like soul ties, spiritual warfare is written all over it. Ungodly Soul Ties is exactly what it says, ungodly, not of God but of the enemy’s devices and we must understand this. This war is beyond us, it’s a spiritual thing.
So, how does one dissolve an Ungodly Soul Tie? I wish I had all the answers but with time, I am learning. The number one thing you must do is put God first. He has to be the center of your life. He has to become your world. You must begin to seek validation and love from him and no one else. Read the bible, go to church, ask your girlfriends to do a bible study with you, join a ministry at church, seek after your spiritual gifts and purpose, but make sure Jesus Christ is at the center of it all. He has to be. He sacrificed so much for us and we have to start sacrificing for him.
The next thing I’ve learned is that you have to forgive. Forgive the person and forgive yourself! Free yourself.
I am definitely going to have some more insight when it comes to this in the coming months. I am still learning and God is putting it on my heart to face my soul ties full frontal so I am nervously awaiting a breakthrough, but I know it will be great. I will be sure to keep you updated.
Feel free to share similar experiences with Soul Ties or anything that I’ve either missed or you would like me to address when it comes to this in the comment section.