Tag: life

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Life Update: April 2024 Part 1

April 1st was the official marketing launch for The Pop-Up Care Shop. If you didn’t know, I am officially a co-founder of a non-profit organization called The Pop-Up Care Shop. We’ve existed as a charity since 2016 but made it official in 2023. After not having a shop since 2019 due to the pandemic we are gearing up for our first shop at Covenant House New York. When we set up shop, we create a boutique of donated clothes, shoes, accessories, and toiletries and allow the clients to shop until they drop, at no cost to them. We fundraise throughout the year and are always looking for volunteers. Visit thepopupcareshop.org to learn more.

Not going to lie, the first week of April was hella stressful for me. I had a really rough work week and my health was impacted. My blood pressure skyrocketed and I realized my lifestyle is not healthy. I am going to find all the ways in which I am cognizant not to get stressed at work because my health being compromised is not worth it. I started this year saying my health is my priority and I mean that. On another note, during the most stressful day of this particular week, I talked to my Career Coach who helped me put into perspective my options and really think about what support in this moment could look like for me. 

At the end of my hell week was a light at the end of the tunnel, which was Chanel’s birthday dinner. Chanel is a new friend of mine that I met while doing community service. She was celebrating her 30th birthday hosted by her hubby and you can tell just by the vibes she cultivated at her dinner and the people she invited that she is an amazing human being. I also enjoyed seeing our friends that we share mutually. Overall, after a long week, being surrounded by community was just what I needed.

I joined an Emerging Leaders board for JASA a few months ago and attended a board meeting cocktail reception where I got to meet my other fellow emerging leaders board members. Initially I was nervous as I didn’t know what to expect but those nerves subsided immediately after meeting the group because they were all really cool. JASA is an organization that means a lot to me because it provides housing and food to senior citizens in New York. I am overjoyed to drive impact over the next two years through this board and can’t wait to see what we can accomplish together. 

I attended the T. Howard Foundation dinner for work which is an amazing dinner celebrating the scholars coming out of the T.Howard program and internships and the amazing media organizations that support them. T. Howard Foundation is a mission-driven organization dedicated to increasing diversity in the media industry. It was awesome to catch up with my colleagues as well.

My grandmother stayed with me for a week to help me with Ginger since I had some late nights at work. It’s always such a treat when Ma stays with me for a few days, we go grocery shopping, we cook, we laugh and watch game shows. On this occasion, I took out some of my cook books and we looked through them to see if there were any interesting recipes that we could try. We found a bacon, tomato, and green beans recipe from the Jubilee: Recipes from Two Centuries of African American Cooking cook book. We also made lasagna and scallop potatoes. It was so good and I didn’t want Ma to leave but she said she would come back soon. 

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January 2024 Part 2

When I finally got back home from Connecticut, it was crunch time. Black history month was around the corner and that is a huge focus for me in my current role. I am also in two weddings this year so my maid of honor duties and my bridesmaid duties are in full effect. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work! 

Tatiana by Chef Kwame Onwuachi was voted the #1 restaurant in New York in 2023. It’s so hard to get a reservation here. In a previous job, we invited Chef Kwame to speak at our speaker series when he released his memoir. To see his success since then is really cool. While celebrating my friend’s 27th birthday, who also happens to know one of the chef’s, I was finally able to experience the notorious Tatiana. Everything I had was delicious. The curried goat patties, rice and peas, and braised oxtails live in my mind and taste buds  rent free. I would love to go back, but…..I can’t get a reservation. 

One Friday morning, I was on LinkedIn when I saw this beautiful black woman who had a bald head accented by her almond shaped eyes and beautiful gold jewelry. Next to her name was a heartbreak emoji. I went down a comments rabbit hole trying to get a better understanding of why there was a heartbreak emoji next to her name. When the comments proved to be too ambiguous for me to understand, I googled her name and was horrified with what I discovered.Dr. Antoinette “Bonnie” Candia-Bailey died by suicide on January 8th. She suffered from severe anxiety and depression but this was exacerbated by her toxic workplace and bullying boss. Her cries for help were silenced. She was not given the support and resources to do her job and to advance in her career and it got so bad that she took her own life. As someone who has dealt with toxic work cultures and bosses throughout my career, I know how isolating this feeling is. I’ve always questioned the “real world.” Is it truly real if everyone is masquerading and performing? People get jobs, titles, and power and lose all common sense, allowing their ego to get in the way. It’s really sad to know that work cultures can kill. We all have a responsibility to be more empathetic and kind to each other.

Speaking of kindness in workplaces, I had a lunch with my friend Lauren who I met while looking for community engagement opportunities for work a few years ago. She told me that I inspired her to start her own business. I was shocked. It was a powerful revelation and a testament to showing up for one another in work spaces, building connections with people and never losing yourself in a job. Seeing Lauren take what she learned through her day job and become the CEO of her own business is a dream of mine and what she doesn’t know is that she inspired me to hopefully do the same one day. This was the perfect catch up date to end the month. 

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January 2024 Part 1

I haven’t written on my blog in two years, so first I want to say hello! I saw someone drop a newsletter recently and it seemed like a really cool thing to do but it’s also similar to blogging so I am jumping back on the wagon.

Even though I didn’t feel it at the time, I needed to be optimistic about 2024. The last couple of years have been hard, filled with grief, rejection, and uncertainty. I was sick of living in those feelings and realized that I had the power to choose whether this behavior continued or not. 

The New Year is one of my favorite holidays. It’s a time where we get to dress up in sequins and fur, drink champagne, and set goals. It’s so bougie and I love it. This new year, I spent it with my friend celebrating her 35th. We went to Public Hotel in the lower east side, where she rented out an igloo for the night. The best part of this experience was that she and her boyfriend cultivated a beautiful vibe. They went around the igloo and asked questions about our goals for the year, what habits are we keeping or leaving for the new year, and other really thought-provoking questions. The attendees were couples for the most part, some newly married, some married for twenty years. My boyfriend and I felt so good in that space and learned so much that night from everyone’s response. I didn’t realize until that moment how important it is to be around and learn from other couples. We are all just trying to make it work and while some people romanticize relationships, it’s hard work that need to be cultivated and fought for on a daily basis. 

The next day, I went to Connecticut where I spent the first two weeks of January. Connecticut is not for me. It was cold, snowing, dreary, and contrary to my city girl lifestyle. By day 9 I cracked and desperately wanted to go home. Me and the suburbs never worked out to be honest. However, since there is not much to do, I did get a lot of personal things done, some of which I share below:

  1. Primary Care Doctor Research: One of my top goals this year is my health. After loosing two family members to cancer, and watching their health decline, I believe it’s important to prioritize this. Previously, I was with a medical group that will remain nameless, but since they were acquired their care has declined. For years I had the most amazing Nurse Practitioner caring for me, who was technically trained to do similar care like a doctor and when she left, I was left with doctors who rushed me and could care less. One black woman doctor said (and I am paraphrasing), you may be looking for a black doctor but I am not it, I am not taking anymore patients. Her comment was jarring and made me feel uncomfortable, like I did something wrong. So I decided to leave the medical group and searched for a black woman doctor who would not rush me, who would listen to me, and go on a journey with me. Doctor research is not easy. It requires time and patience. As a black woman searching for a black doctor, you can’t filter doctors by their race on insurance websites, so there is a lot of copying names from your insurance in-network options to google. I also like doing this because I can read reviews and the experiences of other patients. I like to focus on all reviews but I am always sure to check out the bad ones which unfortunately can be accurate. For some doctors, if their staff/receptionist are poor then the reviews will negatively impact them. Essentially, I created a list of doctors and ordered them in priority of who I liked most. Then called some of them to see who could get me in soon. Most doctors are booked honey. I had one doctor’s office tell me their next appointment was December 2024, I had to ask the receptionist again, did I understand that correctly? But with some prayer, I was able to get a doctors appointment in late February for a new doctor and I am very excited about this.
  1. Therapist Research: Similar to doctor’s research therapist research is a similar process. I search who is in-network and then I google them. However, I also have two secret weapons as resources in this search which is Psychology Today and Therapy for Black Girls. These sites let you filter based on insurance, location, virtual or in-person needs, religion, focus areas, and race. While the search for a new therapist is still ongoing for me (I have so many options and I am having a hard time choosing), my next step would be a consultation with the therapist to learn more and to see if they are a fit. I am hoping to complete this before Q1 is over. 
  1. Career Coaching: I’ve been noodling on Career Coaching for a while now and since I had time to kill in Connecticut, I did a consultation for it. During the last 5 years, I’ve worked at 3 of the top media companies but my title has remained the same. How can I work so hard and give so much to what I do, with the same title? Something ain’t right, and through career coaching I am ensuring that something is not me. I already know it’s not me but still want to do my due diligence. With career coaching, I want to position myself for the next level and I am excited to begin this journey and invest in myself because no-one else will. If you are searching for a career coach, check out who I am using for career coaching services: https://www.jesswass.com/.
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Ky’s Career Journey Pt. 3

Part 3 of my career journey is finally a look into how I broke into media after five years. Two years after that I was promoted into a management role. It’s been a long journey, but the best part is, I am just getting started. Check out the final part of my career journey and how Mara Brock Akil sharing her own professional story pushed me into the industry of my dreams, but not without first humbling myself during the process.

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Ky’s Career Journey Pt. 1

There were very few moments in my life where I was filled with so much passion, so much clarity on my journey, that my spirit was so overwhelmingly energized, it could’ve jumped out of my body, and it’s in those moments where I know I am doing the right thing. The first time I had this feeling was when I attended ABFF 2015 in New York. It was at that moment, I knew I wanted to take the leap into the media industry. I left the festival to attend a birthday party and my friend who picked me up, told me to calm down, take it easy. She didn’t realize what I was feeling and it was not for her to realize it. This was a me and God thing. The next time I felt that feeling was last year when I attended the Mogul X conference. My job had free passes and my colleague asked me to set up the booth that my company sponsored. That was all I was supposed to do, set up the booth, and go on and attend the conference. Easy, right? Well, when I got there, the Mogul X coordinators had another idea. They had 120 women, signed up to do onsite interviews, and could not tell these women that there was no representative from my company. I told them it was not my place and I was only told to set up the booth and attend the conference.

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To make a very long story short, I ended up doing the interviews and not attending the conference. In total, I spoke with 80 women that day, back to back, encouraging them with my own career story and listening to their dreams, goals, and hopes. The women were young, old, Black, White, Indian, Muslim, Hispanic…you name it. When my boyfriend picked me up that day, I had the same overwhelming feeling of passion, but he didn’t tell me to calm down, he told me to follow that feeling. What I realized, is that I had a story to tell and a meaningful one as well. I also realized that these women saw themselves in me and I saw myself in them. I spent most of my recent graduate life desperate for guidance. Desperate for true transparency on how people make it. I was sick of the success stories that don’t start from the bottom. I was sick of the inauthentic. I wanted to hear from real people, and that day made me realize it was time to pay it forward. Yeah, I am not at the pinnacle of success, I don’t have all of the diamonds and pearls, but not even 10-years out of college, I have a lot to say and my transparency can possibly help others.

So here’s my first attempt at transparency and sharing my story. I really hope you LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to my Youtube channel because there are so many more videos coming down the pipeline. This is only Part 1 of 3 but I’ve been using this quarantine to shoot other videos that can really help on your own personal career journey. I am also writing a quick book/guide that can help you on your career journey as well. You’re never to young or old to make a leap in your career. Life is too short to not be doing what you love. Feel free to email: Lifestylebyky@gmail.com for more information.

 

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Tunnel Vision.

Look to the left of you. Now look to the right of you. Sometimes, in life, we get caught up looking at what’s going on with everyone else and not focusing on us, which is the path straight ahead. I’ve always prided myself on being the type of person with tunnel vision. I’ve never wanted to follow what others were doing and always tried to remain true to who I was. However, lately, I’ve been feeling lost. I feel as if life is just moving and I’m still trying to figure it all out. I look at the people on social media and the people who I interact with in my everyday life and it’s just a lot going on. From the multiple degrees to the wedding engagements and marriages, it can sometimes feel like you’re doing something wrong because these things are not happening for you.

Recently, I saw a Brittany Spears meme, that said they finally understood her breakdown at 26-years old. You remember that break down; she shaved her head and was running through the streets with a umbrella. Although I am not feeling that overwhelmed, I understand the pressures of the world and how consuming figuring out your life in your mid-twenties can be.

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So what can we do?

Focus on you, is often the answer that we hear, but that’s easier said than done. I do believe in tunnel vision, however. I believe that you should figure out what you want in life and create an intricate blueprint of how you will get there. Be realistic as well. There are going to be ups and downs so we have to be conscious of that. Furthermore, I believe you should never succumb to comparing yourself to others. We all are unique, we all are born at different times, we all have separate journeys, and the minute we try to compare and compete with others we’ve already failed.

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The Danger in Chasing the Woo-ha!

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I remember my wonder years as a college student. Whenever I told someone I went to Penn State I would get the same response. Ohhh…Ahhh…Wooha! It made me feel good, like I was doing something great with my life. It made me feel validated even…But then after 4-years, I graduated.

As soon as I graduated, I knew things would change and it did. Now the Wooha’s were replaced with “So what now?” It was a frightening reality that my degree was just that, a degree, a piece of paper, and nothing I did in college mattered remotely to the giant machine we all know as the real world.

Eventually, the wooha’s came back when I landed my first job on Wall Street. I was working for a financial tech company which made it seem like everything I was doing was super important. Nevertheless, my enthusiasm for my job was lackluster at best and the wooha’s began to diminish again. People could see that although my job was great it didn’t align with who I was or what I should be doing.

Chasing the wooha’s led me to do many other things that did not align with who I was. It led me to apply to law school when I knew deep down inside I didn’t love the idea of being a lawyer. It led me to apply to business school when deep down inside I knew I didn’t like the business culture that much. It led me to chase after goals that seemed pretty on paper and socially acceptable but just wasn’t for me. It led me to deny a bit of myself in the pursuit of acceptance.

Now, I am at the point in my life where the wooha’s cannot define my journey anymore. Yes, it would be great to be praised for how successful I am, but society defines success in very rigid and traditional ways and that’s just not my trajectory. I want to be true to myself, not the wooha’s. I want to be happy with what I am doing and I plan on doing just that.

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The Bright Side of Rejection

Rejection. I hate it. I can’t deal with it and I know it’s one of my biggest deterrents in life. So recently, when I got rejected by something, I decided to partake in activities during my pity party which included making a list of all the times I was rejected starting from when I was 10-years old. It was so ridiculous. (Sometimes being a blogger sucks because I have to reveal things about myself that are borderline embarrassing). Nevertheless, although I wanted this activity to bring more grief to my already forsaken mood, it actually brought on a revelation that I’d never even considered before that moment.

Revelation: Each time I was rejected, something better, greater, more fit for me, came out of it and the moral of the story is…I turned out okay.

When I was 10-years old, I was rejected by Prep for Prep, which is a program for underprivileged students to attend private school. I thought it would make me look like I was not smart, but in reality, I turned out fine and I excelled in public school.

When I was applying to college, I was rejected by my dream school Spelman. I thought it was the end of the world, but I enjoyed my wacky time at Penn State and met some of my best friends.

When I graduated, I couldn’t find a job for the life of me. It was so bad, I was rejected by the clothing store Uniqlo. Eventually, I found a job and it’s been an amazing ride.

Throughout life, I’ve been rejected. Whether it was from boys, schools, or professional/social groups. I know essentially the rejection felt like a failure, but putting things into perspective, it needed to happen to make way for something better to come into my life.

If you’re feeling defeated by rejection, I  can only hope that you will not let it limit you. Put things into perspective and consider that maybe something way better is on the way into your life.

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Why I jumped off the Career Assembly Line

For the first time in a long time, I feel good about the direction God is leading my life in terms of my career. To be honest, I’ve fought it for a long time and for the most part kept what I do a bit private, for the obvious reasons of professionalism, but what I am about to share needs to be written down, not only to help myself understand God’s plan but also to help and inspire others. Right now, with a new year looming, I am reflecting on the growth I’ve made in my life and I am happy with it. This year has not been easy. It was filled with a lot of changes, some that I feared initially, but I am so excited for what’s to come, more so than previous years. The title of this post is called “Why I jumped off the Career Assembly Line.” I picked up a book recently, at Urban Outfitters (they have an eclectic book collection), and read a passage that talked about Assembly Lines in terms of your career.

Assembly lines, if you’re not familiar with the term, is a process by which things are progressively made in parts or work stations that add on to a sequence until the final assembly is produced. It reminds me of the car company, Ford, which built their cars using the assembly line in the early 1900s. One station was in charge of putting the wheels on the car, the next station was in charge of placing the doors on the car, and so on and so on until finally, the car was complete. But the idea here is that the process is monotonous, ongoing, and straightforward. No change can happen or else the car won’t be identical to the others. The same can be said for my life (career-wise), until I decided I didn’t want to be on the assembly line anymore.

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The first time I made a drastic choice in my career, and decided I would jump off of the assembly line, commenced while I was in college. I started school as a journalism major and by my sophomore year switched to pursue a pre-law/political science degree. It was a huge decision, one that I still question, although I know why I did it. Journalism was my passion. I love to write; I can’t shake that trait about me, it’s a God-given gift but my family wanted me to pursue a more stable career, so they told me, I should become a lawyer. I listened to them. I wanted to please them and so I did just that. I spent the rest of my college career, writing legal briefs, studying constitutional law in the library, and constantly on the Lexis Nexis platform researching. As intriguing as the legal system was, I knew it was not for me. I didn’t get excited; I got anxiety. Literal anxiety. Now, as I reflect, I think it was a mix of knowing I was doing something unaligned with my purpose and being stressed by the course load.

My turning point came around the time when I started looking to pursue law school. I started visiting legal college advisors for some advice and direction on my decision to go to law school. One said, “Law school is for people who is really passionate about the law, why do you want to go to law school?” I gave a politically correct answer to save face, but deep down in my soul, I knew I was being fake. I wasn’t passionate about going to law school or the legal system, I was just trying to please the ones I loved most. One time I was asked this same question by another legal college advisor and I told her I wanted to help women as a lawyer. She followed up by saying “You do know you can help women without going to law school right? Besides, what do you do now to help women? Your resume shows you haven’t done anything since last year, while you were still in college.” She called me out and she was right. That day on the train ride home, I was excited that this woman had the balls to call me on my bluff because I knew, my life would change. I could do many great things in my career without going to law school, but how would I break the news to my family?

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The day of my induction ceremony into the Legal Honor Society/Fraternity Phi Alpha Delta at Penn State

Continue reading “Why I jumped off the Career Assembly Line”

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Feeding the Soul

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The other day at my Weight Watchers meeting, Toni, our leader, stressed the importance of finding things that you love and doing it. Based on our feedback, she created a list of things that we love to do or would like to do to have “Me Time.” The idea here is to use these ventures as a substitute for eating. See below some of the things we came up with:

  1. Painting
  2. Church
  3. Mani/Pedi
  4. Volunteering
  5. Exercising/Going to the gym
  6. Taking a new Class (Cooking/Language/Sewing/Knitting)
  7. Writing
  8. House Work/House Décor/Pinterest
  9. Bubble Bath/Shower
  10. Museums

A lot of revelations came out of this meeting. For one, if you know me then you know that I don’t have a problem with finding “Me Time” but more on that later. What was surprising to me was how many people in that room thought personal time for themselves or a creative outlet was foreign or something they could not fit into their schedules. That’s terrible!

There are so many people on this earth that are not living, they’re just existing. They go through the motions of life without taking the time to look up and see the beautiful, colorful, and multifaceted world that God created. They go to work, come home, deal with whatever they have going on at home, and do it all over again the next day. To be honest, a few years ago this person was me! I just focused on my job. I had no other goals and ambitions and did not even think about a purpose for my life as yet. I know how miserable that life is because you’re doing nothing to make an impact for yourself or others, you’re just there, existing.

Maybe I do these things too much, I thought.

While at the meeting, I questioned if I had a problem because I didn’t need someone to tell me the importance of finding creative outlets to just do what I love, I try to do something I love every single day, whether it’s writing, painting, reading, or going to museums, it’s definitely in my schedule because my soul craves it. Soul Food, or food for the soul, is the single most important thing you can do to bring happiness and fulfillment into your life. Tapping into what you always wanted to do and just doing it, no matter how good or bad you think you are at it, is such a beautiful thing and adds character to your personality and your life. Who knows you might even find your purpose in this. Matter of fact, I am sure you will find your purpose in just doing what you love.

Some people might think whatever you’re doing is a waste of time but that’s because they don’t get it. The first line of Ecclesiastics in the bible says “everything is meaningless,” and when you think about it, it really is. Life is so temporary, we are here one minute and gone the next and nothing you do, not that degree, that job, that house, or that savings account, can come with you. Why not make the best of life while on earth? Feed your soul with travel, feed your soul with time with loved ones, feed your soul with experiences, feed your soul with activities, feed your soul with all of the things you love to do because it needs it.

 

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