Fantasies, False Hope, & Ungodly Soul Ties

IMG_0563-1Like many women, when I meet a guy that I actually like, I allow my mind to create a whirlwind of thoughts for what our perfect relationship would look like. Some might call these thoughts fantasies, which is completely normal and healthy. We all have them, don’t we? Well, according to Psychology Today:

“Fantasies are not frivolous. They can be entertaining, distracting, frightening, even arousing, but they also allow for creativity and help us plan for the future. As long as we don’t mistake fantasies for reality…”

As long as we don’t mistake fantasies for reality. As women, it’s pretty hard to meet someone we are really into and not have some sort of expectation for the future. That’s like telling someone, let’s go to Disney World but don’t expect to go on the rides. In saying this, I want to touch on this idea of fantasies and the false hope that it brings about; I am encouraged to tie this in with my series on soul ties. As with all of my soul ties post, I am about to get real, I am going to expose some of my vulnerabilities and you all might think I am completely insane, but that’s okay.

Side Note: I am a Pisces, and even though I am not into that astrology stuff anymore, Pisces tend to be dreamers, we want the happy endings, we believe in the good of all people. When I think of us, I can imagine that we would be content skipping through a big field of sunflowers, catching butterflies and enjoying the fresh air and sunlight. So please don’t judge me. Like for real, what I am about to say sounds even crazy to me.

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Ungodly Soul Ties & Sacrifice

Kydee Williams SelfieMy confidence was developed through letting go of a lot of ungodly soul ties and working on loving myself. For so long I sought validation from the men in my life. I was even surprised that they saw something in me that I’d never seen in myself, and because they did, I wanted to hold on tight. I am looking at this picture and I am remembering a time when I was a teenager and would never be able to take a picture like this. I hated my profile (the structure of the side of my face). It reminded me that I had big chubby cheeks, like a chipmunk, that looked nothing like the fierce bone structure of the models in magazines. I would sometimes (not often), avoid mirrors because of my growing pains and insecurity and these kinds of feelings about yourself is no recipe to pursue a relationship. You should never go into a relationship half empty, looking for your partner to complete you; through experience, I’ve learned that it just doesn’t work.

In my first post on Ungodly Soul Ties, I talked about the strongest soul tie that I had, and I am definitely going to address that some more in subsequent posts, but it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t address another ungodly soul tie that I had while in college (that I often try to forget). If I was insecure as a teen, this soul tie, plummeted my esteem to a new all-time low. I was in what some would now call a “situationship.” A situationship is a relationship without the title of being in one. I was determined to be his girlfriend but he wasn’t the “commitment type.” Unfortunately for me, I was giving him all of the benefits of a girlfriend without having the actual title and although I wasn’t okay with that, I stayed with him. My soul was connected to him and would stay like that for about three years. I was hypnotized by him and no matter what I did, I could not shake him. Getting hurt by him began to feel normal. It must have been a feeling I yearned since I kept going back for more. This time in my life could be characterized by absolute chaos, confusion, and abandonment. The relationship worked around him, when he called, when he wanted to talk, when he wanted to drive to see me, and when he didn’t feel like doing any of those things, I waited until he did. One day, after two long years of the back and forth, I had enough. He spent the weekend with me, and I was sick of not being “enough” for him. I was trying to convince this man that could do nothing for me, that I was the one he should be with and he stood firm in his non-committal status. Meanwhile, I had my whole life ahead of me (I was only a few weeks away from being a college graduate), I would soon be working and pursuing a career and through all of that, I still pursued this relationship. I knew, when he walked out of my apartment that day, it was the end of us and sure enough, it was.

I want to make something very clear, if anything was an ungodly soul tie, this relationship was it. I was distracted from God because of him. I stopped going to church (partially because I was in Pennsylvania and there weren’t any churches I would’ve wanted to go to out there but also because I wasn’t interested). I would wake up and think about him. I remember being in math class and before the lesson started, I was thinking about him. When I went out with my friends I would think about him. It was really a trance, that’s how I used to explain it to my friends. I would want to be out of the situation but some sort of power of the mind, beyond me, was making me yearn and crave him and now I realize it was the enemy. God has a plan for us and the enemy has a plan for us. There is constant warfare for our lives. The enemy used this relationship to distract me from God and trust me it did, but not for much longer.

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Ungodly Soul Ties

Kydee williamsSoul Ties have been on my mind and heart for a while now, but very strongly this past weekend. I learned about soul ties about three years ago. I was actually weaning myself off of one when someone told me what it was. The strong feelings associated with this person no longer being in my life made sense now. I wasn’t crazy. I was in a soul tie! Throughout this post, I am going to share some of the things I’ve learned about soul ties along with my own personal experiences.

To start, there are two types of soul ties, an Ungodly Soul Tie, and a Godly Soul tie. For the purposes of this post, I am going to focus on the Ungodly Soul Tie. As always, expect complete transparency.

Soul ties represent a bond. These bonds or soul bonds are created through people and things. What normally ends up happening is that you become dependent and attached to them. The deeper the bond, the more difficult it is to break. Sometimes we don’t know how tied we are to someone or something until it’s time to give it up.

I was with someone for about 9-years. Now, if we are going to be real, I was only really with them in a relationship for about 4-years. The other 5-years we were in a “friends with benefits” arrangement. When it was time to break away from him, no one around me understood why it was so hard for me to do so:

“Yall broke up years ago, why do you still care about him?”

“He’s moved on and so should you!”

“That was just puppy love… that shouldn’t matter now.”

Their responses were callous. They didn’t understand how much it hurt to let this person go. I depended on him. I called him whenever something was going right or wrong and he was there for me. I sought his approval. I LOVED him. More importantly, they didn’t understand that I was in a soul tie so strong that it couldn’t easily be cured with a Girl’s Night Out or meeting someone new, it was deep. It was spiritual. It was warfare.

There are various ways a soul tie can form:

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