LifestyleByKy

October 15, 2014January 7, 2020

The Importance of a Weekend Trip

So often we look across the world to experience history and culture and we never think to look in our own backyard. This past weekend I decided to visit my friend Brittany in Philadelphia. We spent the first-night having careless fun which included fish tacos at a Mexican restaurant and Korean Karaoke. The following day I felt a little under the weather, so we got a bunch of snacks from the grocery store and watched Law & Order Criminal Intent all day. Finally, she convinced my sick self to get up and catch a movie which we did and it was awesome. Luckily for me, I got a double deal. We went to see the movie on the UPENN campus and I got to experience life as a Penn ivy leaguer, well sort of. That night, Britt made delish spaghetti and I called it a night unusually early.

The next morning I felt so much better. We got an early start and headed to the Philadelphia Museum of Modern Art. I ran up the Rocky Balboa stairs like I was the champion himself. I had no idea about the significance of those stairs as it related to the movie. I saw people lined up just to get a picture with the Rocky statue and I eventually put two and two together. We headed straight to the museum and luckily for me my Penn State credentials granted me access to the museum at a discounted student rate.

The museum was amazing, filled with a lot of antique furniture, portraits of George Washington, and breathtaking artwork. What captivated me the most was the medieval room which was an exhibit filled with military armory from the middle ages. Always assuming that this part of our history was somewhat fictional, it was a pleasant surprise to see the steel army wardrobe of the past on display.

Outside of the museum was The Oval, which is a seasonal local festival. Brittany and I watched performances and drank apple cider while sitting on a haystack. We enjoyed taking in the amazing sights of this beautiful fall afternoon.

I felt fulfilled as I headed back to New York. Who knew that the Philadelphia Museum was the first museum in the United States? I didn’t. Not only did I experience the culture, and a lot of history in a short 2-days, but this weekend seemed longer than ever. I was totally ready to head back to work and finally have something great to say when someone asked the quintessential “So how was your weekend?”

October 9, 2014January 7, 2020

Getting To Know Someone…Again

To some people, one of the most annoying things about meeting someone new is the process of getting to know them. I have to admit, I used to feel this way but ever since I met my boyfriend, getting to know him is one of the most pivotal (and fun) times in our relationship. In a sense, we are setting a foundation for the rest of the relationship by dictating our likes and dislikes, standards, and deal-breakers.

I kept my standards high waiting for the moment when my Prince Charming would whisk me off my feet and that kind-of-sort-of happened. He noticed me at a party/concert we both attended and asked if he could put me on his shoulders. I said sure, why not? He picked me up but I landed on his bald head. He asked for a second chance but I told him absolutely not. The whole thing was pretty awkward until he asked for my number and continued on with his night. I did the same.

I thought about him; wondered if he would contact me but didn’t think anything of our exchange. Yes, his approach was like no other. I mean, no one has ever asked me if they could put me on their shoulders which is why he stuck out in my head, but aside from that, I wasn’t interested in getting to know someone new. I was sick of the whole dating scene. I just wanted to be single.

He contacted me a couple of days later and I found out he was a special-education teacher, he received his degree from Boston College, his masters from Pace University and he was from Harlem. Although I was open to meeting someone new, I was not excited about it (in spite of his credentials). He was persistent and after a few weeks of texting, we talked on the phone and sparks flew. Was this the guy I was waiting for my whole life? Our conversation was effortless. We talked for 3-hours and would’ve talked longer if I didn’t have to jump on a conference call. Every day leading up to our first date was filled with great conversation. Everything was new and fresh and we wanted to know everything about one another.

So we came up with 21 questions for each other. We each thought of random questions to ask one another to elicit conversation. Some of his questions dealt with the future he wanted to build with someone, while mine focused on who he was at his core. These questions proved to be helpful conversation starters but that wasn’t something we had issues with anyway. We enjoyed talking to one another and no question or topic was ever off-limits.

In the case of my boyfriend, I don’t mind getting to know him because he’s special and I’m really into him. If I could know everything about his past I would because when you like someone you just want to know everything about their lives.

(Or maybe that’s just me)

Some helpful conversation starters:

Name, Age, Where did you grow up?
What are your views on love?
Do you believe sex before marriage is wrong?
Are you spiritual? What is your religion?
Do you want to get married? When?
What do you fear about commitment?
What do you love about settling down?
Do you drink? Smoke?
Have you ever cheated?
What led to the demise of your past relationship?
What kind of relationship do you have with your parents?
Do you have a lot of friends? Who is your best friend?
Do you have children? Do you want children?
Where do you work? Have you discovered what you always wanted to do?
What are your interests? Passions? hobbies? Typical Friday night for you?
Do you live alone? with family?
Where do you go to school?
How often do you believe date nights should be?
Do you travel? Where have you traveled to?
What would you have done differently in your last relationship?
How important is health and fitness in your life?

October 1, 2014January 7, 2020

Who are you here with?

The question immediately made me feel like I didn’t belong like I was an outsider of some sort. In a lot of ways I was, however, it was too soon for my outlier complex to get the best of me.

I progressed into the country club, with a group of elitist African Americans who worked for a prestigious billion-dollar corporation. I was surrounded by the best of the best but I was new blood and they could smell it.

I proceeded to the bar, in hopes that a drink would calm my nerves and then to the hors d’oeuvres buffet where I munched on some delicious appetizers before being told to take my place in the dining room.

It felt like everyone was watching me, I wasn’t a part of any of their circles, I wasn’t best friends with their children, I was a guest of a guest, that guest being my dad, talk about three degrees of separation.

As the night went on, I began to loosen up and even received the chance to interview some of the honorees, yet I felt somewhat unworthy. I know I am super blessed to be among such influential people and I know God put me among these groups of people for a reason that is unbeknownst to me.

I ended the night feeling defeated. I didn’t belong, I would probably never have the country club membership and call executives from a billion-dollar company my friends. My heart hurt as I wanted to belong so bad but I felt like an obscure puzzle piece being forced to fit into the wrong puzzle. As far as I was concerned it would never fit.

September 30, 2014December 30, 2022

The Journey To My First Adult Relationship

I’ve been single since I could remember. After my first real relationship crumbled at 18, I’ve never been in a committed relationship since. I’ve been in pseudo relationships, you know, the ones where you’re together, but not really together. I’ve also been in the fill the void relationship, where you’re together but nothing about this union is representative of a real relationship. Before I knew it, I was 25, single, mingling but disappointed with the prospects, celibate and annoyed with my spinsterhood.

Reality hit me after I came back from Europe. I had an amazing experience and wanted nothing more than to talk to someone other than my friends and family about it. I yearned for a male’s voice in my ears; late-night conversations as I reminisced about the food in Venice and the beaches of Spain. I had no one to call because I pushed all-male companionship out of my life in an effort to get closer to God. I began to talk to my fill the void guy, but soon realized he still wasn’t ready for something serious; he got older, but his games were the same.

A few months later, I attended my friend’s wedding in the Bahamas. It was a blast. We had so much fun and I even met a really cute guy, whom I later found out had a girlfriend (bummer), but I thought I liked him so much. Now, using hindsight I question did I really like him or was my infatuation out of pure desperation?

The Bahamas allowed me to reflect on my love life tremendously. While on the trip, I got some free time to call my fill the void guy, but he seemed so preoccupied, like he couldn’t be bothered. I wasn’t offended; I just knew that would be one of the last times we would talk. I watched two of my friends get married and I was so proud of them. They were adults, in an adult relationship and I was still chasing after the emotionally unavailable. I made a pact to myself, to continue down my path of singlehood. I was doing so well; maybe another year sans men would do the trick. Spinsterhood seemed far more gratifying than dealing with men as a whole.

A day after I returned from the Bahamas, I received a text from a guy that I promised a date night before I went on vacation.

Guy: Hey I haven’t heard from you but was wondering if we were still on for dinner tonight?

Shoot, I totally forgot, I thought. I picked up the phone and called him. I was sick of texting him anyway. How would I go on a date with someone and not once chat on the phone? Technology is the enemy.

Me: Hey, OMG, I’m so sorry I forgot about our dinner tonight. I didn’t want to text you so I decided to call you and really reschedule a time that we would both be available.

My pleas of forgiveness ultimately led to us speaking for about 3-hours. The connection was instant. He was unlike any other guy I’ve spoken to in a while. I was so excited. I know I swore off men but he was different. He made reservations for us to have brunch on Saturday and we talked every night leading up to our first date.

The first date was at Poco’s in the Lower Eastside. I was 2-hours late (major traffic into the city) but he was patient and waited for me until I came. He proved to be thoughtful, having a glass of Hennessey straight waiting for me. One of the first things I remember about him was that he grabbed my hand and held on tight until we got to the restaurant. The next date was a few days later at Spice. I believe it was at this time, I realized I had a thing for him. He was charming, thoughtful and looked at me with those piercing eyes as if he could read the insides of my soul. A few more dates ensued which led up to my favorite date at his house on a Saturday night. We ordered Italian take-out and ate in his living room, which he cleaned up for me because I told him I would love to hang out there. After dinner, we looked through an old record collection his mom passed on to him and listened to the sweet sounds of Jimi Hendrix and Boyz II Men. I found myself near tears, as I sat Indian style on his couch. As simple as it might seem, this was all I ever wanted from a relationship: companionship, commonalities, and someone who loved Boyz II Men as much as me.

One night, after our Scandal premiere party, we got into our first spat. He made an assumption that was totally wrong, and I was disappointed in him. Instead of our disagreement escalating, we talked it out like two-adults in an adult relationship. The irony was that we hadn’t talked about being in a relationship as yet. Once again, I was very impressed with his patience, his ability to admit his wrongs and his desire to make sure I was happy. He didn’t want us to go to bed with anything weighing heavy on our hearts. The next day I received the following text from him:

Guy: Should I ask or will you?

Me: Ask what?

Guy: Will you be my girlfriend” I think we have something

Me: Omg, I totally want to be your girlfriend. I was just waiting for you to ask 😉

And just like that, I was off the market. But what does this all really mean? Is it weird that I feel like I lost a small portion of my freedom? Or that I can no longer do what I want to do without consulting someone first? What about the annoying quirks…can I still feel free to vent to my closest friends about this, or do I now have the obligation to protect him and the reputation of our relationship by all costs? To be honest these questions come out of fear. I am afraid that I don’t have what it takes to be a girlfriend. I fear that we will fall apart as fast as we came together. I’ve always feared commitment. I don’t want to love someone so much and watch it crumble to dust a few years later. What if I do end up marrying him, is it insane that I think about marriage already? How will he propose? When will we buy our first home? I fear that I will end up unhappy and stuck like so many other women who walk down the aisle with high hopes and end up in front of a divorce lawyer. I’m afraid of his past; the girls before me that can expose the man he used to be. I am also afraid of him finding out about my own past. I just might be afraid of it all. Yet all my fears are silenced when I’m with him and he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world, his gift from God. It’s a good feeling. I guess these are the risks we all take when jumping head first into a relationship.

July 22, 2014January 7, 2020

According to Kydee and Nikki: The Big Chop

I helped my friend Nikki big chop and it was epic. The key to the whole process was the mood. She invited me over one Saturday, with the simple text “I am ready.”

I sped over to her apartment in fear that she would back out once again. I am natural myself which is why she depended on my support. Once I arrived, she washed her hair and let it dry some. The mood was totally off. This was becoming more awkward then it was supposed to be. Big chopping is supposed to be fun! Where’s the tunes?

So we turned on the likes of Erykah Badu, India Arie, and D’Angelo, all Neo-soul artists whose music made us proud to be natural-conscious sistas.

I allowed Nikki to take the first snip…snip, snip, snip…this girl was getting too scissor happy and missing the mark of demarcation (the point between the permed hair and the natural hair, where it is suggested you should cut). I abruptly grabbed the scissors from her so I could finish the back. Once it was done she looked in the mirror with such confidence on her face. I will never forget that moment of freedom she had. Her hair was gone; she felt great and looked amazing.

Her first words were “I haven’t seen my natural hair in over 15 years,” then she began taking selfies. Nikki was totally feeling herself and I couldn’t blame her. Becoming natural is one of the most liberating feelings ever. She actually motivated me to trim my hair once I got home. We went out to a local bar to celebrate after.

It was an epic day.

July 6, 2014January 7, 2020

Thank You Kara Walker

July 6, 2014, marked the last day that the Kara Walker “A Subtlety, or the Marvelous Sugar Baby, an Homage to the unpaid and overworked Artisans who have refined our Sweet tastes from the cane fields to the Kitchens of the New World on the Occasion of the demolition of the Domino Sugar Refining Plant” exhibit would be shown to the world. The sugar and molasses structures would be destroyed along with the huge factory that it was displayed in and I am so honored to have received the opportunity to be in the presence of such greatness before it’s demise.

I gain inspiration from art. It’s sort of a creative outlet for me and for a moment in time, I can try and figure out the depth and thought process that might’ve gone into a certain piece of artwork and/or sculpture. Simultaneously, I love African American history. I love to learn about the resilience of my people. Pride fills my soul as I take in all the sacrifices that my ancestors had to go through so I could live a better life. How could I ever repay them? I often ask myself this very question. All I can honestly do is promise them excellence; Excellence in myself, my work, my commitments, my education, and my life. I am committed to making my ancestors proud and never letting their legacy die.

I get a sense that Kara might feel the same way. Her installation revitalized the issue of race, slavery, rape, industrialization, westernization, and femininity (along with many other things). She reopened the conversation and exposed the harsh realities of slavery and the free labor of African Americans which built the very foundation of this country; The Mammy Sphinx was a powerful sight to witness. Standing tall, with its Afrocentric features and profound physical assets, I was filled with so much pride in its presence. One of the best moments of this exhibit was listening to the casual conversations among visitors as they discussed the various meanings and purposes behind Subtlety. Some bystanders stood silent, enamored by the sphinx while others just wanted to be pictured with it.

All in all…Thank You Kara. You’ve made history.

May 11, 2014December 30, 2022

#BringBackOurGirls

Education is a luxury that many of us in the States take for granted. Yet, there are men, women, and children all over the world losing their lives and being kidnapped for this very thing. This week I learned that 276 young Nigerian girls were forcefully kidnapped from their boarding schools in the middle of the night and completely vanished without a trace.

Their fate? They would be sold as the wives of militant men (which is a nicer way of saying they’ll become sexual slaves) for as little as $12. The men who kidnapped them are a part of an extremist group called Boko Haram which can be translated to mean “Western education is a sin.” These girls had hopes and dreams of becoming teachers, doctors, and lawyers and now their fate is unknown. Far too many women on an international scale are denied the right to an education based on their gender. The harsh crimes that they must endure are becoming more prevalent in the news including the gunshot wound that almost took the life of Malala Yousafzai in Pakistan and the acid that was thrown in the faces of young schoolgirls in Afghanistan.

The Nigerian government is doing very little to find these young women and bring them home, which leaves it up to us to raise awareness about the cause and do something about it.

Despite the lack of news coverage on this issue, I am amazed by the power of social media which is actually where I first learned about this violation. Through the extensive use of photos, hashtags, and protests the issue is gradually coming to the forefront and receiving the national attention we all know it deserves. With the notoriety it’s receiving on social platforms we all should hope that the United Nations and our very own US government will begin to take extreme action. Sometimes, proximity plays a huge role in how we address issues, especially when something is going on far away from us. A lot of people develop the Out of Sight, Out of Mind mentality and we forget about our brothers and sisters abroad who need us to stand up for them.

#BringBackOurGirls is evolving into a life-changing movement that addresses issues that have been ignored for too long. Young women throughout the world want to be able to go to school and become professionals in their community yet they are faced with adversity including abuse and neglect by family and friends. Simultaneously young women are being kidnapped and trafficked into sexual slavery each day.

I believe it’s my duty to bring this issue to the forefront and raise awareness. Let’s start the conversation and #BringBackOurGirls.

February 2, 2014December 30, 2022

20-Something Year Old Grandma’s

Your friend asks you to hang out and you’re totally down, but when the time comes your bed feels more comfortable than usual, so you wait as if staying in bed will exude a mystical power that will convince your friend not to want to go anywhere…and then the text comes in…

Friend: Girl, I am so tired
You: Me too, such a long day
Friend: You still want to go
You: It’s up to you…I’m down for whatever
Friend: Maybe we should stay home
You: kk **Jumps out of bed and does the happy dance**

If this exchange sounds familiar and you are only in your twenties then you are a GRANDMA! You might be wondering, what makes me such an expert and it’s because I’m a grandma. I know I am. I’ve always preferred staying home than being out on the streets until the wee hours of the morning. I hate coming in when the sun comes out, it just ruins my sleep patterns. As much as I love fun and social gatherings, being home is just as fun.

See below, some signs of grandma-hood approaching prematurely upon you:

1-Your friend call’s you at 11pm and you’re already sleeping…ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!

2-Your idea of an epic night is staying home and watching movies in bed…bring on the Love Jones!

3-You’re totally over the “club” scene..but remember back in the day when the club was like reaching nirvana? It was just the coolest thing ever.

4-You use words like “Back in the day” (see #3).

5-When you actually do go out, every song that the DJ play’s you have to turn to the friend that is least likely to judge you and ask “What song is this?”

February 1, 2014December 30, 2022

Up and Down and Up and Down

I just finished the book of Genesis and it was powerful. I mean, of course, the Old Testament is really hard to follow with its list of lineages but the stories are amazing. The story of Joseph, son of Jacob and Rachel captivated me the most. Joseph literally went through highs and lows in his life but not once did he lose faith in God. He was favored by the lord and God always looked out for him. Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son and his brothers were envious of him. He had a dream that could be interpreted as his brothers one day bowing down to him and this made his brothers mad. So they came up with a plot to throw him in a pit to die. However, that plan changed when they decided to sell him into slavery and tell their father that he was killed by wild animals.

As I said, Joseph’s life was pretty tumultuous filled with highs and lows which I want to illustrate.

When Jacob found out about the news of his cherished son, he was heartbroken. He believed Joseph was dead. Meanwhile, Joseph, who was sold into slavery, was faring well, in spite of his circumstances. The slave master found favor in him and asked him to rule over his house, a high in Joseph’s life (HIGH). However, his master’s wife thought Joseph was handsome and attempted numerous sexual advances towards him in which he denied each of them. She, in turn, accused him of trying to rape her and they threw him in the pits of jail (LOW). While in jail he found favor with the prison guard and was able to rule over the jail (HIGH). Soon, two men of Pharaoh’s court were thrown into jail and they had troubling dreams in which Joseph was able to interpret through the spirit of God. He told the men to remember him when they got out of jail but they didn’t (LOW). Two-years later Pharaoh needed a dream interpreted and no one in the vicinity of Egypt could interpret the dream. Finally, the bread bearer of Pharaoh’s court, that had his dream interpreted by Joseph while in jail, remembered his promise to Joseph and told Pharaoh. Pharaoh ordered Joseph to be released from jail to interpret his dream (HIGH). Once Joseph was able to interpret Pharaoh’s dream and predicted that there would be seven years of abundance and seven years of famine, Pharaoh ordered that Joseph reign over Egypt (EXTREME HIGH).

During the years of the famine Joseph brothers, the same guys that sold him into slavery bowed down to him humbly and asked for grain to survive. Joseph recognized them immediately but they didn’t recognize him. He was only 17-years old when they sold him into slavery, so with all the years that passed, he was a man now. He played around with their heads for a bit until he finally confessed that he was Joseph and they glorified him (HIGH).

As much as it hurt Joseph to confront his past, he forgave his brothers and they lived abundantly under his rule. This story was amazing and just showed that we may go through highs and lows in life but God remains with us always. This story illustrates purpose. It was God’s purpose all along to have Joseph sold into slavery and to rise to the top. God has a purpose for all of our lives and this story instilled in me, purpose, patience, and trust in GOD!

January 2, 2014December 30, 2022

2.0.1.4

Every new year brings a new me. I have so many things that I can do more of on this journey to becoming a better person and although I don’t know what God has in store for my future, I will not progress if I don’t start changing old habits. As I patiently wait for my season to come, I know there are things I can do in the meantime to become a better person for myself and the people around me. So here are 10 things I can and will do in 2014 to be a strong woman of God and of my word:

More Prayer.
I can’t survive on my own. I need God. More alone time with God. I am a mess without church.
Refrain as much as I can from gossip, including celebrity gossip.
Limit the amount of time and money spent on going out and work on something more productive like business plans, to-do lists or a blueprint for the first and last 6-months of the year.
Sometimes, the friends you knew the longest can change. It’s ok to let go…it might be necessary.
Finish what you start. No more unfinished projects and goals.
Do I give to the less fortunate enough? I ask myself that question a lot. We are put here to give ourselves away in terms of service to others, not to keep things to ourselves.
Support others and be more encouraging, you never know how it can help someone.
Avoid past mistakes and cycles.
Social Media “likes” does not validate me, you or anyone for that matter.